Are having fetishes a no-go?

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by Deleted Account, Oct 7, 2019.

Are fetishes bad, even when only practiced with a partner?

  1. Yup, still bad. Avoid at all costs.

  2. Nope, you can still enjoy it because it's with someone real.

  3. Nope, but it should be in moderation.

  1. Hey guys!

    So I wanted to make a quick question/poll.

    I know that escalating fetishes and continuous PMO is bad for you. But is having a fetish and exploring it with a partner bad as well? Or can it still be practiced?
  2. iUsedToHaveAnAccountHere

    iUsedToHaveAnAccountHere Fapstronaut

    Id say yes, as its IMO a trigger to watch certain categories of P.
    At least if its a fucked up porn induced fetish.

    We have to separate fetishes from different tastes.
    I mean, its one thing to be attracted by lets say, feet - and a whole different thing to be obsessed by old men dressing up as horses in leather or something like that right :p

    A fetish can be life changing, an unusual taste can be faded by time if you dont give it too much attention :)
  3. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

    Not bad, as long you don't get obssessed with it.
    Deleted Account likes this.
  4. romeolima

    romeolima Fapstronaut

    Fetish covers a wide range of things from the sublime to the ridiculous, as others have said it's one thing to have an obsession to feet another to prance around pretending to be a horse.

    However within a relationship fetishes can be used to add variety and as long as both partners are willing then I don't see the problem.

    Variety is the key here, if you can only get off if your partner is pretending to be a horse then you have a problem!
  5. Yup! I agree completely. My fetishes are actually not porn-induced. They're not extreme so I think in a relationship it would be quite alright. However yes, the extreme ones are a definite no. Thanks for answering guys :)
  6. Absolutely. My thinking is that you should be able to get off normally and still enjoy it but also be open to trying out your fetish once in awhile without it taking over.
  7. Nadav_co

    Nadav_co Fapstronaut

    Great comment!
    I Agree with iUsedToHaveAnAccountHere. We have to be careful and not to mix Natural fetishes with Porn induced fetishes, they're both different!
    a Natural fetish is a fetish your'e born with so it means it's part of you. I have a feet fetish and i realized it when i was in kindergarten age.
    so IMO, I'd definitely act on my fetish with a partner. no matter what, DO NOT act on your porn induced fetish as it might make your nofap journey worse.
  8. Vendettana

    Vendettana Fapstronaut

    Define fetish. What do you mean exactly? Some people like blondes only, some only blacks. Is that a fetish for you?
  9. I have a fetish of a body part. Nothing extreme, and I believe that if with a partner I can explore my fetish without it being harmful as its a pre porn fetish. Not induced by it :)
    Deleted Account likes this.
  10. mattyjsy

    mattyjsy Fapstronaut

    The most important thing to bear in mind here, is are your fetishes actually your fetishes, or porn induced ones? For example I'm a feet guy, I always have been (don't judge), however throughout my pmo addiction I developed fetishes for more exclusively porn type stuff, as I went through my reboot my porn fetishes slowly dissipated while my foot fetish remained, so I believe any feet play with a real partner is fine, but perusing anything else is just an extension of feeding my pmo addiction. Just be honest with yourself and you will figure it out in time
    Nadav_co likes this.
  11. Drowzee478

    Drowzee478 New Fapstronaut

    Hey, I'm new to this forum and I need to vent. I think my story fits quite well into this topic though.

    So ever since I was little I liked the thrill and excitement of being submissive, especially to females. Throughout my youth I ventured from normal porn, to fetish-y stuff and eventually to more extreme femdom. Little by little I seemingly conditioned myself to believe that my only goal and purpose in life is to fully submit to a mistress. More recently I scouted out options to get into that kind of stuff online, seeking out private mistresses providing online humiliation and tasks for money.

    Today I've gone so far as to spend 200€ on a mistress I had barely got any picture, let alone video from, just because I was horny, lonely, depressed and certain that I was naturally submissive. After the initial 200€ she demanded more and more money, money which I (luckily) don't have. After blowing my load and having a warm shower I now feel worse than ever before. I'm crying all over the keyboard. Where did it all go so wrong? I was always feeling isolated, longing for attention and craving affection. But porn and fetishes made me mess up, bad. I seriously want out. Fetishes can be okay, but don't let it get out of hand. Please.

    My dad gave me those 200€ to have a nice time, to spend it on me, because he knows I have a lot on my plate. But what do I do? I spend on a girl posing as a mistress online to fulfil my supposed dreams that left me feeling so much worse. I'm really upset right now and English not my first language so sorry if it all seems confusing.
    Deleted Account and Nadav_co like this.
  12. mattyjsy

    mattyjsy Fapstronaut

    I feel ya man, here's the thing, men are aroused by being submissive because it throws out the natural order of things and allows you to be vulnerable. I can absolutely guarantee that if you quit porn your femdom fantasies will be less. The ironic thing about femdom is that most women are turned off by submissive guys, so in handing the power over to them they see you as a lesser man, and thus less desirable. Have faith in the process, rebalance your brain and see how you feel, if after 90-120 days you still feel thos way then its genuine and something you can persue from a healthy standpoint at least
    Drowzee478 likes this.
  13. Drowzee478

    Drowzee478 New Fapstronaut

    Thank you for your response!
    I must seriously reconsider my lifestyle right now. I certainly will be trying out nofap.
    The thing is, the regret I'm feeling right now is akin to what I used to feel when I got blackout drunk and did something stupid. In a 'normal' state of mind I would have never gone so far, or at least it's what I like to think.
  14. mattyjsy

    mattyjsy Fapstronaut

    That's because in a sense you were blackout, except you were on a dopamine high instead of alcohol, treat it the same way. It's also worth noting, that as porn usage escalates you find yourself into stuff you weren't necessarily into, or that even go completely against your natural sexual tastes, have a loot at the hocd threads where straight guys escalate to gay porn, they're not gay, but dopamine disorders work via a mechanism of shock factor and novelty. As you progress through your reboot you may find you inherently desire respect or status as a man(most men desire this either consciously or subconsciously) hence why the novelty or shock of femdom porn has such an effect on you
    Nadav_co likes this.
  15. fedmom

    fedmom Fapstronaut

    I've got a thread in my profile that might help you.
    mattyjsy likes this.
  16. Hey Drowzee! First of all I'm really sorry to hear that. Really pains me to see people suffer. But now you know that you don't ever want something like this to happen!

    You have to use this as your reason why you're quitting PMO. Look back and triumph in your victory :)
  17. dethly

    dethly Fapstronaut

    I think that it depends on the severity of the fetish! If it's something which you would be interested in if you lived in a world without P, than yea sure go for it! If your fetish developed as your P usage increased than definitely no! Also make sure that the fetish isn't destructive and would tempt you into watching P again.
    Deleted Account likes this.

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