Are there any others who suffer from mental illnesses?

[Brain-Police]

Wanted to make a post to see if there were any other sufferers of any kind of mental illnesses from all walks of life. Men, women, trans, old, young, from any part of the world on this forum.
I myself am a sufferer of Bipolar II, Major Depression, C-PTSD, Anxiety, Insomnia, and that's it so far as I know.
It's not something I would tell people in my real day to day life unless it concerned them, which it usually does not; but I wanted to hear other people's stories about this. Sometimes these things can feel so debilitating and so lonesome.
I came here wondering if you noticed any changes on your NoFap journey on your mental state whilst being sober, when you relapse, etc etc.
When did you know that you had any of these illnesses, and what do you do to alleviate them?
Do you go to therapy?
Take meds?
How does this affect your NoFap journey?

I know I shouldn't be, but I am off meds as I found every one of them have negative side effects that greatly outweight the positive. I am trying to get back into therapy, I meditate and workout and attempt to eat healthier than I used to. I don't do drugs, barely drink alcohol, and I'm out of dating at the moment. I am trying to steer clear from any breakdowns and working on myself to the tee.

 

[WriteMeow]

My diagnosis are major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. As a kid I was diagnosed with BPD. I took a knife to my own throat around age 28. I am 32.

How long have you been off the meds? I haven't been on them in three years or so. I can't really answer your question as I didn't start NoFap until after functionally curing my mental illness...

Though one of the steps towards "curing" them was quitting pornography. But as everyone here knows masturbation and looking at "not-porn" is still problematic... But in my experience quitting porn alone was a huge win in the fight against depression.

Proper diet, exercise, and acquiring self knowledge through introspection (meditation) so that you can find the other more personalized pieces of the puzzle and than integrating those pieces can "cure" your mental illness.

I put cure in parenthesis because of course your brain will always be a bit different and you will need to keep your guard up more than the average person (though I would argue even the average person is depressed).

For me...

- Diet.
- Exercise.
- No porn.
- Very limited video games (did quit them cold turkey for a year, bringing them back in for socialization now that they are no longer an addiction... Play them once or twice a week).
- Meditation.
- Practice intentional self denial.
- Spend time in nature.
- Let go of the past and future - live in the present.
- Spirituality.
- - Practice non-attachment.
- - Trying to get rid of desire.
- - I look at things through a Christian lens but definitely have an eastern (Daoist / Buddhist) bent. I don't think labels matter here. If I were raised Hindu or Muslim or whatever those would be my base.
- Environment is huge for me... So I leave bad environments. I just took a job doing trail work with the forest service for eight months... This checks a ton of boxes for me to get to the next level of personal development.

Medication seems to work for some people... But for me I would have never been anything other than an addicted loser on the meds. The meds allow you to hide from the core issues - and in my case - actually made things worse regardless.

I know that you know that most who get off meds go straight into a ditch and become absolute nightmares to be around. It doesn't need to be that way.

Everyone likes me better now. It sounds like you are on your way to curing yourself without my advice. You just got to keep at those fundamentals and continue to learn what works for you.

 

[WriteMeow]

And yes, I have progressed to NoFap but I think the porn was more important. No masturbation or porn substitutes is just me trying to go that much further in becoming who I want to be.

Plus... I still can't say I've beat masturbation.

Edit: To illustrate... From 13 to maybe 29 I had to hide from life to deal with intense mental pain. I had obsessive suicidal urges and cut myself with words and knives to drown them out.

The last two years have been relative bliss... From time to time actual bliss thanks to experiences with deep meditation that bleed into normal life. I've never had any ambition due to lack of self-worth. I now fight for me.

I saved up 10k and converted my truck into a camper so I could travel. Got rid of most of my stuff so it wouldn't weigh me down. I started dating a doctor (not that I cared about that... she was, is, an angel to me because of all the success she chooses not to have by putting people over money and even her own career).

I am laying in the back of my truck at a rest stop right now, on my way to that job I mentioned. She broke up with me. I wouldn't have been able to handle it a year ago. Now I just took a new job somewhere else and am thankful that I got to love and be loved by her while I did.

That said... my response to her rejection hasn't been all roses and old demons have resurfaced...( Which prompted me to make this account after years of lurking). But like I said. Your brain will always be a bit different.

Sorry about the navel gazing. Hope you get something out of my experience.

 

[Brain-Police]

My diagnosis are major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. As a kid I was diagnosed with BPD. I took a knife to my own throat around age 28. I am 32.

How long have you been off the meds? I haven't been on them in three years or so. I can't really answer your question as I didn't start NoFap until after functionally curing my mental illness...

I empathize with your first paragraph man, i know how that feels.
Whilst you were on meds, how didja feel? What were the side effects?
When did you find out about nofap?

Though one of the steps towards "curing" them was quitting pornography. But as everyone here knows masturbation and looking at "not-porn" is still problematic... But in my experience quitting porn alone was a huge win in the fight against depression.

Proper diet, exercise, and acquiring self knowledge through introspection (meditation) so that you can find the other more personalized pieces of the puzzle and than integrating those pieces can "cure" your mental illness.

I put cure in parenthesis because of course your brain will always be a bit different and you will need to keep your guard up more than the average person (though I would argue even the average person is depressed).

For me...

- Diet.
- Exercise.
- No porn.
- Very limited video games (did quit them cold turkey for a year, bringing them back in for socialization now that they are no longer an addiction... Play them once or twice a week).
- Meditation.
- Practice intentional self denial.
- Spend time in nature.
- Let go of the past and future - live in the present.
- Spirituality.
- - Practice non-attachment.
- - Trying to get rid of desire.
- - I look at things through a Christian lens but definitely have an eastern (Daoist / Buddhist) bent. I don't think labels matter here. If I were raised Hindu or Muslim or whatever those would be my base.
- Environment is huge for me... So I leave bad environments. I just took a job doing trail work with the forest service for eight months... This checks a ton of boxes for me to get to the next level of personal development.

I agree man with everything you just said man, and I practice a lot, if not, all of them, just not consistently, admittedly.
That's the worst part about my struggle, I am not consistent or always disciplined. Meditation helps me stay consistent.

Medication seems to work for some people... But for me I would have never been anything other than an addicted loser on the meds. The meds allow you to hide from the core issues - and in my case - actually made things worse regardless.

I know that you know that most who get off meds go straight into a ditch and become absolute nightmares to be around. It doesn't need to be that way.

Everyone likes me better now. It sounds like you are on your way to curing yourself without my advice. You just got to keep at those fundamentals and continue to learn what works for you.

Meds, being on them made me feel sedated and drab, and then going off of them, holy shit, the detox process makes me feel worse than when I was off of them before I started taking them. Holy shit man, it's no joke, you get thrown in the gutter. They do definitely make things worse, especially for me. The side effects were too much. I couldn't take it.

And yes, I have progressed to NoFap but I think the porn was more important. No masturbation or porn substitutes is just me trying to go that much further in becoming who I want to be.

Plus... I still can't say I've beat masturbation.

Same here man. Still struggling. Can't make it past 3 days lately.

To illustrate... From 13 to maybe 29 I had to hide from life to deal with intense mental pain. I had obsessive suicidal urges and cut myself with words and knives to drown them out.

The last two years have been relative bliss... From time to time actual bliss thanks to experiences with deep meditation that bleed into normal life. I've never had any ambition due to lack of self-worth. I now fight for me.

I saved up 10k and converted my truck into a camper so I could travel. Got rid of most of my stuff so it wouldn't weigh me down. I started dating a doctor (not that I cared about that... she was, is, an angel to me because of all the success she chooses not to have by putting people over money and even her own career).

I am laying in the back of my truck at a rest stop right now, on my way to that job I mentioned. She broke up with me. I wouldn't have been able to handle it a year ago. Now I just took a new job somewhere else and am thankful that I got to love and be loved by her while I did.

That said... my response to her rejection hasn't been all roses and old demons have resurfaced...( Which prompted me to make this account after years of lurking). But like I said. Your brain will always be a bit different.

Sorry about the navel gazing. Hope you get something out of my experience.

Fuck man, my condolences, I definitely do empathize with a lot of your experiences.
I appreciate the backstory man, it helps and gives the advice and the whole posts "eyebrows" and meat on the bones, so thank you.
Also, thank you for opening up. I don't know about you, but I don't tell most, if not, almost all the people in my life about my mental struggles.
I find it makes most uncomfortable and most don't understand. There's still quite the social stigma attached to talking about it.

I myself have dealt with suicidal tendencies and ideations since the age of 5, and tried to jump off my roof at the age of 14, and I too put a knife to my throat at age 19 in the bathroom after I called off work and wrote a note to leave behind.
Back in the day also, I made a morbid promise to myself that I would take my own life when I turned 25 if I hadn't accomplished anything with my life at that point.
Well 25 came around, I began planning, dreadfully, and then the pandemic hit, things were rocky and I almost died on 7/15/20 when I was hospitalized for covid.
Through meditation, I saved myself from being intubated.

I realized from the age of 18, when I discovered nofap that I needed to abstain and found out I suffered from Bipolar at age 19.
They put me on meds for the first time and I hated the side effects.
Made me a total zombie.
Swore off of them since until last year.
Got diagnosed again last year at age 27 around September when I went into a hypomanic episode caused by an event that had to with a woman.
Didn't sleep for 4 days, and was almost hospitalized, until I agreed to be put on meds
And finally got some sleep.
I took meds for a while but the side effects began fucking me up worse.
The sleepless nights persisted and I stopped taking them when i felt better of them.
Now I keep them for safe keeping in case hypomania comes-a-knockin'.
I also realized, even before my breakdown last year, that around age 21 that I need to always be on top of myself and my habits 24/7 to function like a normal human being.
I can't drink caffeine, can't stay up late at night consistently, can't eat too much junk food.
Can't overtrain in weight lifting.
Can't go on social media, I already don't do drugs, barely drink,
And I have to watch my moods every day to make sure I am okay.
It's rough man. I always thought this was how normality looks,
And talked to other people and they can do nothing all day and be totally fine with themselves.
That's foreign to me.

Once again man, thank you for your post, it was cathartic and makes me feel less alien

 

[WriteMeow]

I'm glad it helped. There are definitely parallels between us.

To answer your questions.

I felt nothing on the meds. I was a zombie. If you asked me while I was on them I would have said something different. The truth is I didn't know I was feeling nothing because I had forgot what something felt like.

For instance... I never liked music... Or rather I never remembered liking music until after I got off the meds for over a year. It didn't make sense to me. It didn't move me emotionally or inspire me creatively. Now I love music. I think I forgot to mention that for a time I even used it as a mood regulator. I like to sing when my mood dips.

Similarly... I didn't feel love. If you told me I didn't feel love I would have been offended. I loved my family, friends, past girlfriends... But it was only what I called love because I didn't know any better.

I could go on. The meds robbed me of so many things.

I guess though that's ignoring the broader problem of the mental illness... But which came first? The illness or the powerful drugs they put me on at thirteen? I know what the doctors would say but I am not sure they are right.

Pushing the drugs aside... Which came first... The illness or the poison our parents, schools, work, feed our minds and bodies?

I don't know when I found out about NoFap. I first visited this forum a couple years ago. I think I had already quit porn by than but timelines are hazy. I didn't really start taking the last year after having some crazy experiences with deeper levels of meditation.

It is definitely hard to do all of these things consistently... Physical fitness is my weakest link as I am more of a creative / intellectual type. That's why I am trying to change my life completely. I don't have the strength right now to be both in the world and apart from it. So for now at least I am "running away to join the circus."

I will also be doing a lot of physical labor.

 

[Brain-Police]

I'm glad it helped. There are definitely parallels between us.

To answer your questions.

I felt nothing on the meds. I was a zombie. If you asked me while I was on them I would have said something different. The truth is I didn't know I was feeling nothing because I had forgot what something felt like.

For instance... I never liked music... Or rather I never remembered liking music until after I got off the meds for over a year. It didn't make sense to me. It didn't move me emotionally or inspire me creatively. Now I love music. I think I forgot to mention that for a time I even used it as a mood regulator. I like to sing when my mood dips.

Hey man, thank you for your patience, it's been a busy week at work and at school.
There are definitely many similarities between us. It helps to know we're not alone.
That's a strange feeling about music. Shit man, music makes up a lot of my thoughts and past time and adorations since puberty,
I don't know where I'd be without it. Yes, I sing as well! That's awesome man! Dyu make music?

Similarly... I didn't feel love. If you told me I didn't feel love I would have been offended. I loved my family, friends, past girlfriends... But it was only what I called love because I didn't know any better.

I could go on. The meds robbed me of so many things.

I know how you feel man. If anything, relapsing on PMO makes me feel these numbing things as well. I feel inhuman, disconnected, yet desperate, like a man in the Sahara desert who can't quench his thirst. I always debate, back and forth on whether I should give meds another chance and give them a good chance this time around since I have never taken then more than 5 days. They say it takes at the least, 2 weeks for the side effects to go away and for them to make the changes necessary for your brain. I don't know, I always flip flop, but to this day, I haven't taken meds since last month, and before that, since November.

I guess though that's ignoring the broader problem of the mental illness... But which came first? The illness or the powerful drugs they put me on at thirteen? I know what the doctors would say but I am not sure they are right.

Pushing the drugs aside... Which came first... The illness or the poison our parents, schools, work, feed our minds and bodies?

I'd say it was the illness and then the drugs that heighten said illness, but I know what you mean with the rhetorical questions.
Yeah man, I barely told my father about my bipolar last Monday, and I could see he got real uncomfortable and felt a li'l guilty. After all, I turned out the way I did because of him for a multitude of different reasons because how he raised my brothers and i. Many of the things I suffer from were caused by said childhood that was developing under his supervision and neglect and abuse. He's a sharp man and I hold no ill feelings towards him anymore.
When him and I converse, we talk about a myriad of different topics from philosophy, to art and history, but the main one that he seems to be rudimentary in his approach is psychology. It makes him uncomfortable, maybe because ---even though he has changed for the better and has done a lot of the work necessary to make those changes--- But there are still a lot of things lingering underneath in him that he still has to address within himself that I can see.

Anyways...

I don't know when I found out about NoFap. I first visited this forum a couple years ago. I think I had already quit porn by than but timelines are hazy. I didn't really start taking the last year after having some crazy experiences with deeper levels of meditation.

It is definitely hard to do all of these things consistently... Physical fitness is my weakest link as I am more of a creative / intellectual type. That's why I am trying to change my life completely. I don't have the strength right now to be both in the world and apart from it. So for now at least I am "running away to join the circus."

I will also be doing a lot of physical labor.

What's your longest streak?
When did you realize you had a problem with PMO?

I empathize with you completely. I too am more of the creative/imaginative, cerebral, contemplating type,
But I was always very active physically as well. I was never a beast,
But I was always well in shape. Just lost a lot of motivation, and depression got the best of me in my adult years.
I hear ya man.

 

[NicoleWang]

Hi there. Saw your post and wanted to reach out. I totally get what you're going through with your mental health struggles. It's not easy to open up about that stuff, so props to you for doing so. I'm also on the NoFap journey and have noticed some changes in my mental state. When I relapse, it's like my anxiety and depression go into overdrive. But when I'm able to stay sober, I feel more in control of my thoughts and emotions.

 

[UnholyConfessor]

Is this the same thread I commented on before? Have all the comments been removed?

 

[pancakebaker99]

I am bipolar and on the spectrum also get depression and fatigue makes it a little hard to get energy throughout the day but I push through and I am doing much better now than I was in my teenage years.

 

[Onceagain2.0]

ADHD and probably PTSD . i suffered from depression in my early 20s but have pretty much calcified. Depression is not a constant but i dont get low lows i have handled that for over a decade . Mostly just ptsd now. i am pretty well built but have gained about 40lbs due to ptsd, not sure wether what i have is disorder or just post traumatic stress i am fully aware recovery is possible but its wether i can change my environment and life circumstances then someday i will recover. but it will probably not change drastically and i will only harden creating more idiosyncrasies

 

[fapequalsdeath]

Well haven't been diagnosed officially but it's rough and exhausting fighting every day. I'd say I have unfulfilled life and "depression" if you can call it that due to unresolved emotional trauma.

 

[bwong-9]

Hello,

I’m also diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I also have Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.

I’m new to the NoFap journey and wanted to test myself see how long I can go…I haven’t masturbated, watched porn, came since Sunday (the 1st). Every beginning of the month I always see how long I can go lol

 

[Jimg7268]

Bwong-9 I also struggle I think with OCD and it definitely has affected my overthinking and compulsions to masturbate. I am currently reading and working through ‘You are not your brain’ by Dr. Jeffrey Schwartz. I recommend it!

 

[MusicIsLife]

Not diagnosed, but I am feeling way more depressed then usual, and still am socially anxious, tho less since my high school days.

It all started when I started uni, and got to see how poorly I perform academically, that my self esteem is shattered to this day. I feel so inferior to all my friends, they keep scoring more then me, in less study time that I hate myself for ever going to study in uni in the first place. But I decosed to push through to second year, which is also bad, and already spent lots on money on this degree, so no turning back now.

And although I have friends in uni, I still dont have a gf, so loneliness strikes hard even in uni, and my horrible self-esteem doesn't help me either in my relationship with them, so I am mostly alone with my bad mental health, there is no one to talk to, and no matter how hard I try, I seem to fail again and again, its exhausting, and I just wish I never started learning CS. It isnt worth my poor mental health.

 

[Lovelyboy]

What a question guy!..Everyone suffering mentle illness whether the little boy or old man age people ...everyone laugh outside but feeling depressed inside

 

[MojaveJoey]

Wanted to make a post to see if there were any other sufferers of any kind of mental illnesses from all walks of life. Men, women, trans, old, young, from any part of the world on this forum.
I myself am a sufferer of Bipolar II, Major Depression, C-PTSD, Anxiety, Insomnia, and that's it so far as I know.
It's not something I would tell people in my real day to day life unless it concerned them, which it usually does not; but I wanted to hear other people's stories about this. Sometimes these things can feel so debilitating and so lonesome.
I came here wondering if you noticed any changes on your NoFap journey on your mental state whilst being sober, when you relapse, etc etc.
When did you know that you had any of these illnesses, and what do you do to alleviate them?
Do you go to therapy?
Take meds?
How does this affect your NoFap journey?

I know I shouldn't be, but I am off meds as I found every one of them have negative side effects that greatly outweight the positive. I am trying to get back into therapy, I meditate and workout and attempt to eat healthier than I used to. I don't do drugs, barely drink alcohol, and I'm out of dating at the moment. I am trying to steer clear from any breakdowns and working on myself to the tee.

High quality therapy is much too expensive for me atm so no. Nor do I take medicine that's not gonna work. "Industrial society and its future" counters a lot of improper arguments made about current society, though most people may not like the proposed solution. I mean world hit 1 billion around 1850 and since then it's seen its bloodiest wars. World left 100 million around 400 BCE and immediately started having bloody wars up to every century I suppose until we either leave this rock or self-destruct. Nuclear and biological warfare are inevitable. It is highly unlikely that terrorists will not be able to get their hands on such weapons before the 2090s, assuming countries themselves don't use them. Just a question of when they will be used. Amazing that we've gone 100+ years since WW1 without apocalypse. To some the 2090s may sound far away but as a GenZer they are far from it. Seems the next decades(including this one) are going to be crucial for humanity. Either my generation or the immediate generation after me(that is, my children) will have to deal with the sins of previous generations much like the American civil war generation, WW1 generation had to deal with the sins of their ancestors. Strange to think that in a nuclear wasteland full of terrifying diseases these lonely and turbulent times may be looked upon with rose colored glasses. We are at a turning point. Humanity will either reset its progress or continue enough to rapidly colonize Space and our neck of the woods. Chances are if we reset ourselves, we will not recover in time to be the dominant species in our galactic neck of the woods. Or perhaps, voluntarily or semi voluntarily deindustrialize to ensure stability, and then come back later when it's more prepared for industrialization. Or perhaps just deindustrialize somewhat to the point where we can still colonize space but not hurt our chances of thriving. However, this is unlikely.