There is no beloved person in our childhood and youth than our own parents, they give us everything and protected us, they were the only people who truely loved us and want us to be better than them. I lost them both, i feel like i wasn'y really that great to give them a great life they deserved, my mother died when i was 17 years old, recently after ten years, i just lost my father, i hate being dramatic but that really made me feel extremely lonely asking philosophical unanswer questions. I recently searched on how to achieve maximum potential, i read about extremly productive people that lived throughout this life (Nikola Tesla - Leonardo Da Vinci - Elon Musk ). I went through some of depression due to my Father's week three weeks ago, i felt like i've lost everything. Especially that i made a promisse on his dead body that i'll become successful and take care of our little farm ( It has a Family history Father & Son Heritage ). I decided to go on a Suicidal Mode, to give my maximum everyday, that's when i discovered there is a limite to my body. I wanted to make him proud of me, there was a very very strong relation between us God rest his lovely soul. Recently, I had a hradache in my back head. Probably something related to the nerves for like 2 days, i can sleep. It goes away when i apply so a warm towel to it. I hope it wont be anything serious. I tried doing some spirituality and meditation this morning so i can calm down a little bit, i just wanted to be that perfect Son,Friend,Brother,Father,Husband that will make your life heavenly. Thank you my friend for reading up to this point, I really appreciated your concern, Thank you.