As a Newbie, Maybe I Don't Understand Rebooting...

Hello Gang,

I consider "rebooting" to be the correction of my brain's PMO triggers to normal, sexual desires for women without fantasy. I don't think this is the same as "NoFap," although I believe it is a goal of NoFap, especially mine.

Despite many supportive people on this forum and others reassuring me that I need not be ashamed of my PMO [NSFW]fetish [/NSFW]tastes, I am deeply ashamed. I bought [NSFW]sex toys to use on myself[/NSFW]. I have rid myself of all of these. Now that I am a few days into NoFap, I honestly feel better about myself. Not just for undertaking the NoFap effort, but also for my commitment to seek help from support groups like this, and seek forgiveness through the church with regret but no shame. Because I am FINALLY seeking the true and thorough excising of all PMO.

It's not so much any physical goal I am hoping to achieve, so much as gaining and applying a new understanding, that I have learned here and /r/nofap on reddit, that self-pleasure is unearned, which is what makes it so unsatisfying. I'm not trying to use NoFap to pick up girls. I'm older (40s) and married (even if not entirely happily, with or without NoFap). I just want to be "normal" again (if I ever was, since PMO has been with me longer than my ability to read). I used to be very respectful of women, but I always had unhealthy thoughts and desires about them. I know I'll never return to my "innocent" teen and pre-teen years of ignorance, but I am shooting for more normal attraction to women without fantasy. Well, I've been rambling on for a while now. Must be bedtime. Sorry. I felt like I had to write my thoughts down.

Jim