Asked About Porn on the First Date

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Deleted Account, Jul 16, 2017.

  1. Saskia Simone

    Saskia Simone Fapstronaut

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    I am a woman who would never ask this of a man on the first date. The reason being, on the first date, you owe each other nothing but kindness and courtesy. It should be a time for teasing, flirtation, dance, mystery. No oversharing, no expectations. Just finding out if you are entry-level compatible.
     
  2. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    The problem here is you expect people to be shameless. But a sense of shame is actually the most powerful and natural force to make us want to be a better person. God help us the day we live in a shameless society and confess all our warts and all to all and sundry.
     
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  3. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    No, she would want to hear you have some standards, and are dating a few women whilst looking for someone... special.:rolleyes:

    But of course it depends on the woman, and what the man is looking for... the whole hook-up scene is really just the pornification of our culture... the addiction to sex.
     
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  4. ConstraintsTheory

    ConstraintsTheory Fapstronaut

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    I do believe the type of porn that an individual watches can tell you a lot about a person just like subtle body language can tell you if a person is bored out of their mind and feinting interest or legitimantly interested in what you have to say.

    Now if I was on a date and a girl asked me if I watched porn there is three possible outcomes.

    Outcome 1. I lie and tell her nope why watch porn when the real thing is so much better or something to that effect. But the probability that she knows you are lying is actually quite high given that a large percentage of men do watch porn. So the odds are not in my favor therefore she will precieve me as distrustful and rightfully so or she could choose to ignore it but if she's asking the question I doubt she would since it's a very specific question.

    Outcome 2.
    You tell her the truth yes you watch porn but then it gets tricky because there exist some additional possibilities on your part. regardless of what I was into the questions then becomes how much do I want her to know? And here is the gambit do you lay all your chips out on the table or do you withhold select information.

    The thing is whatever you tell her odds are she isn't going to believe you entirely because most people don't want to be viewed as a weirdo and pervert and will figure that you are leaving stuff out anyway but at least you were truthful about it and in essence they can then gauge somewhat who and what you are based off your answers. Even if you have told them a lie about what type you watch they would still form an opinion of you based upon what you said.

    Outcome 3.
    You deflect the question and do not answer it. All she will see is someone who is afraid essentially. Regardless of how you feel.

    Sometimes outcome 4.
    You tell her at one point you did but you don't watch or view porn anymore and steer the conversation away from the genres you watched and to the reasons why you made the choice to stop watching which makes for a better story and a deeper understanding of the person she is trying to gauge. which is a hellava lot better Than outcome 1 and 2 and 3 sure she is still going to judge you and may not even believe you but at this point you would have taken the pressure off yourself and redirected it elsewhere.

    I'd choose option 4 personally

    What about you? Did I leave any outcomes out? I'm sure I did there are infinitely many outcomes but for simplicity I generalized.
     
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  5. Be Normal

    Be Normal Fapstronaut

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    3 years ago, my last girlfriend asked me if I watched P and how often. I told her I use to watch porn and I haven't for a over a year. This was a complete lie. She barely knew me and asked a lot of personal questions because she was an extremely transparent person. This question made me nervous because I unconsciously felt shameful for watching P everyday. This was before I consciously realized that P is a bad addiction and how it affects me. I feel like she knew something that I didn't.
     
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  6. ConstraintsTheory

    ConstraintsTheory Fapstronaut

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    Yep I was in the same situation a few years back. Instead I told the truth and it didn't go well... but did that stop me from manning my porn station at 1 in the morning nope!... but that doesn't matter now because we are fixing the problem and no longer ignoring it!
     
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  7. SuperFan

    SuperFan Fapstronaut

    Maybe a man's thoughts on porn were part of her standard for entry-level compatibility. To each her own, right?

    Personally, I'd love it if a woman asked me about porn on the first date. It would open up a very deep, honest conversation, and let's face it, it'd probably be more fun to talk about than work or where we grew up.
     
  8. Saskia Simone

    Saskia Simone Fapstronaut

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    Yes, to each their own. But sharing vulnerabilities and weaknesses with someone you barely know is a lot of risk. I'd rather have a firm idea of character before going there. And it's not out of a desire to hide the truth, or lie. Just that some things, are not for anybody who cares to ask. Nobody has a right to any of my personal information, unless I choose to share it. It's a gift, not an obligation to disclose.
     
  9. SuperFan

    SuperFan Fapstronaut

    Absolutely. But people also have a right to ask if they feel like it's important to them.
     
  10. Saskia Simone

    Saskia Simone Fapstronaut

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    Yes, that's true. And that exchange will tell a lot about entry level compatibility. So it does serve a purpose, in both our ways of thinking
     
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  11. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    You are entirely missing the point. Don't think about how to react to this inappropriate question [from someone you just met], but think whether this is the kind of woman you want to even bother with. She is most probably one of the following:

    1] Shameless and promiscuous

    2] A humorless puritan with some prejudiced conceptions about men interrogating you.

    3] Or someone hurt and damaged from a previous partner who had P problems, and thus not ready for a relationship.
     
  12. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    :confused:
     
  13. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    This.
    This.
    I wasn't looking for shamelessness.
    I wanted to know what kind of relationship I was starting.
    I like open and transparent.
    I like porn.
    If we are sharing, this is a two way street.
    This includes porn.
    This includes sex.
    These things all need conversation.
    IMO you don't jump into bed with someone you don't talk to
    Just like you don't take a job without a interview.
    You ask the important questions.
    You get informed about who is going to be on your team.
    You want to know whether this is compatible.
    If it's not.

    .... Next!
     
    SuperFan likes this.
  14. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    Seriously... you like porn??
     
  15. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    I did.... Like a dozen years ago when I asked the question, which is where I was answering This question in my frame of reference for reflection.
    When I asked my SO, on that date.
    It was my last line of dating.
    I have no new references.
    We are still together.
    If I was to date, currently, I would have different responses.
    I'm answering from the past, I'm not looking for a new partner.
     
  16. If some girl asked me if I watch porn on the first date I'd tell her, "I don't know you like that". A date is just getting to know someone and the likelihood is you may never hang out with that person again. I'm not ashamed of my habits but I'm not into sharing my personal business with strangers. I'm pretty sure no guy on this forum goes around asking girls how many guys they banged on a first date and this is just as inappropriate. If you two like eachother and want to start a relationship then it would be totally different.
     

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