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Asking her to be my girlfriend (trigger warning), journal

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by NF SINCE BIRTH, Oct 19, 2020.

  1. I dont know how to go about this. We have dated about once a week on average for 2 months now. We have known each other for longer but Covid broke it up with us for severeal months before we could meet again. Todays date went so good. I touched her a lot and eventually she touched me to. We sat close together so our knees touched. I could probably have kissed her on several occasions or even touched her more intimately. I touched her tight and her hair.Think I accidentally touched her ass. It was so much tension. We are meeting again next week and we are at a point where I dont feel like I can pull the break. I need to kiss her or ask her to be my girlfriend. Maybe both of those will loosen her up since she seems pretty nervous about touching me back and often just waits for me to make a move.
  2. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

    No you didn't. If you never kissed her you are just hanging out like friends.
    Why didn't you kiss her? Afraid of rejection? this is what nice guys do.. don't waste more time, be bold an go for the kiss. Woman love guys that take risks.
    Kiss her yes, of course. Ask her to be your girlfriend?? definitively don't do that.

    Keep going out with her, hanging up and start kissing her. Make it clear you have romantic interest with her an not just hang out as friends. You do that by kissing her, not asking her to be your girlfriend, don't try to lock her down to you by making her your girlfriend, let her choose you. When a woman is ready to be your girlfriend she is going to bring it up, until then have fun with her, kiss her, touch her, and have sex of course.
  3. Honestly all of this was pretty bad advice. You dont need to kiss someone to make it clear that you like them. We have been "hanging out" for 2 months but we both know that we wanted to be more than just friends. We are at the point where we visit each others apartments and watch movies together. Asking her to be my girlfriend is not necessarily a bad move.

    I am going to kiss her anyways. It is just a question of timing really. She is pretty insecure with intimacy. Maybe she is a virgin. It is all about doing things in the right order. The thing I am waiting for is for her to build up the confidence to touch me back. I want her to take some initiative as well. I might even ask her to just touch me at this point. That I wont bite.

    I am not a fan of PUA tricks. I dont use them. I dont need them.
    ElSabio, Issah and Azzure like this.
  4. And btw, I dont get the her choosing me kind of thing. It is mutual and at the early stages I was just picking her out of a crowd because she was pretty and we met regularly ever since.
  5. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

    Yeap, that's exactly how the average nice guy behaves and thinks. That's boring and a turn off for woman sooner or later.
    Don't believe me, just start reading about the interaction between man and woman and you will see by your own eyes why nice guys always comes last.

    Is the best way to do it, because actions speaks louder than worlds.

    You know that, did she?

    Yeap, but no kissing, no touching, no sex. That's what friend do, not lovers / partners or /boyfriend_girlfriend.

    Is a really bad move. You didn't kiss her and you already want to be his boyfriend? that's totally out of sync. You don't even know if she wants to kiss you back.. you only know she like to spend time with you

    You hang out with her for 2 month, that's a lot of time. you were together in the same bed and you didn't make a move. you wanted to kiss her a long time ago but you are holding back because you are afraid or you think you need to warm her up to you..

    That's how she is with you, you don't know how she is with other man. Don't make excuses for her.

    A woman that is into you can't hold herself. She is all over you, can't get enough of you. A girl that keep distance with you and don't touch you at all is lack of interest, is not comfortable touching you or is not interested in doing it.

    Why would you ask her to be your girlfriend when she doesn't want to touch you? you spend 2 month together and nothing happens. You are just friends. no kissing, no touching.. make a move on her and that's when you are going to se if she is really interested to be with you romantically.

    At this moment she is choosing you to spend time with you as friends. you are choosing her to be with her for something more... at the moment you are doing what she wants and as a nice guy you are waiting.. and waiting.. make a move. do what you want with her, if she is not into kissing and touching the move on to another woman, don't waste more time with her.

    Yes, as friends. Make a move or it's going to be too late..
  6. Who's initiating the touches? If it's only you, how is she reacting? Anyway, yeah I think you should just ask her to be your girlfriend.
    NF SINCE BIRTH likes this.
  7. I get where you are coming from. You have read one of those PUA books. Maybe the Game. I have read it all too, tried it all out. Most of it is just narcissistic gibberish which should be taken with more than just a grain of salt.

    Dont get too hung up in the 2 month thing. We live in different towns and meeting each others is a huge logistic problem. The fact that she makes the effort to come all the way to visit me tomorrow for a cup of hot chocolate speaks volumes.

    I dont care about playing hard to get. I dont need to with this girl.
  8. Well I only really started touching her on our last date. I initiated most of the touches. She responded with orbiting closer so that I could touch her more. She brushed up against me and didnt mind me leaning into her. I was actually considering kissing her a few times since we had such strong eye contact. But actually I wanted to keep the tension there.

    She touched me back a few times but she was hesitant and seemed nervous so the direct touches come off as a little awkward. She hit my head with a pillow and touched my shoulder a few times. She "accidentally" brushed up against me all the time though.

    I want to kiss her soon but I will probably start with her neck or forehead. Because I have really messed up my kisses in the past. I have the tendency of just missing her mouth altogether. I want her to be tuned in when I go for the kiss. Maybe it happens on our date tomorrow. Heck, maybe we even have sex tomorrow. But I dont expect it and I wont force it.
    JustaSimpleMan1 likes this.
  9. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

    I don't know what you read.. I read about how to be a man and how to understand woman better. Had 4 girlfriends and dated a lot of woman in the last 15 years, I'm in a place were I can share some knowledge when I see a guy that is clueless about woman.
    There are a lot of woman in the world, I wouldn't date a woman that give me such problems. Look for some girl that lives close to you. Long distance just don't work.
    Of course, this is a big sign that shows she likes to spend time with you. It's your job to take it to another level, from friends to something more... and I don't talk about asking her to be your girlfriend, I talk about kissing her and progress things towards sex.
    You hang with her in your home and hers I suppose, you didn't make a move on her. In her mind.. she have doubts about you, or you don't like her, or you don't have the balls to kiss her or you are playing hard to get with her. None of them play in your favor. stop doing it.. or she will get tired.
    This is basically how it works. She is confortable enough to be alone with you. She is confortable enough to let you touch her, he even get closer to you so you can touch her... she is basically saying, touching is ok. "Please do more of that".
    Another example of her saying "touching is ok, please come closer to me.. touch me".
    C'mon man, that was a clear sign she wanted you to kiss her. you are the man, you have to make the move on her. She is making it really easy for you.
    yeah... but you said you didn't want to play hard to get? Do you have the balls to kiss her? are you waiting for her to kiss you? be a man, be bold, go after what you want and kiss her.
    Maybe she is hesitant, maybe she don't know if you like her because you are not making a move on her despite she is rubbing against you.
    She is been playfull and touch you in hopes you get the hint and touch her back and progress thing to something more than just hang as friends.
    There is no accident. She is doing it on purpose, that's how woman instinctively get closer to his man. She is comfortable with you and is waiting for you to take it to the next level.
    Stop with this nonesense.. go for the kiss already. Stop going around it..
    She is waiting for it.. but you keep posponing it, you are waisting time, she is going to get tired of it eventually. make your move already.
    She is already there, you just not saw it. When a woman is close to you and stare you directly in the eyes and month is time to kiss her. if not she is going to think you don't like her, are playing games or you don't have the balls to do it. She still giving you more chances to kiss her, don't waste more opportunities.
    Maybe??? she is all over you and you say maybe? please... make a move already, why are you so afraid? she can't make it easier for you. Break that friendship and take it to another level... kiss her and progress it to having sex. She is not going to do it, she is doing everything a woman would do, you are the one that need to man up and make a move on her.
    If you don't make a move is not going to happen.
    She is all over you, she is going to your house. She is touching you, playing with you. She is making it really easy for you to make a move on her, but you are still don't getting the hint. Make a move on her, kiss her, touch her and progress things to end up having sex with her. The way she is acting, she is not going to stop you at any point, she is going to be happy that you finally acted like a man and made a move on her.
    I_Can_Do_Itt and NF SINCE BIRTH like this.
  10. What day of NoFap are you on ?
    NF SINCE BIRTH likes this.
  11. Lots of advice here but honestly they dont apply to my situation. You just assume I am doing terrible but I dont. We dated again today. She visited me at home and drank some coffee. We talked a lot which seemed important to her. She wants to know more about me and my life story. I realize I have been keeping away a lot of info about my past.

    You dont know the backstory of why we are taking it slow. You say I should find a different girl and yea I could find someone easier, someone who lives closer to me.

    This girl have a history of abuse and an alcoholic father. I startled her today just while handing her some coffee. She isnt ready yet and I can sense it. She needs time to feel comfortable. We are going to the movies together next time. She has huge anxiety for large crowds of people so I have to try to find a quiet and not so crowded movie theater. Maybe I should just rent the entire theater. I mean I have the money, lol.
  12. I am 7 days clean today
    TudoBem23 likes this.
  13. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

    Just be real with her. Be real with what you want and express that to her in the best way that you know how.

    It doesn't matter if you're scared, awkward, or clumsy about it. As long as you do it.

    You could do all the right things, but if she's not interested then it will never be enough.

    You could do all the wrong things, but if she's interested then it's still enough because it's coming from you.

    Go for what you want. She'll show or tell you if you need to back off, but nothing can happen unless you try.

    Good luck.
    GreenToxic and NF SINCE BIRTH like this.
  14. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

    C'mon man! "Nice guy" is written all over your face. Woman are going to walk all over you if you don't get your shit together and stop been a doormat.

    Yes they do!

    Yes you are and you don't even know it. there's no worst blind man than a man that don't want to see.

    Of course, woman are curios, woman loves mystery. when a woman is interested in you she is going to want to know everything about you.

    And that the only thing you did good, but now you are telling her everything. Telling her everything is going to evaporate the mystery and she is going to get bored.. she already find out what are you all about. She is not going to be that exited to be with you and know you.

    That's a big red flag, don't date woman that are damaged. You want a woman that is in a good place in her life. Don't try to fix her, you are his lover, not his psychist.

    If she is not ready yet to date then tell her that she can call you when she is ready. Don't be the nice guy that will rescue her from his problems thinking that she is going to fall for you. You are putting yourself in friendzone of a damaged girl.
    She is getting affection to you as a friend.. as a psychist, not a lover. That's a big mistake.

    You are telling you want to know each other and you bring her to the movies? there's no talking while watching a movie. I can't tell you this enough, you are his friend, her emotional tampon.

    More red flags, do you want a girlfriend that is damaged?? make me think that you also have some issues to settle down with a girl with that many red flags. Think about that..

    O man... you are going to get destroyed by woman with this set of mind. Woman are going to take advantage from you for been such a "nice guy".

    You think that you are making progress with this girl but you are f*king up big time. Making mistakes one after another and don't even seen the red flags.

    My advice, move on. This girl needs to work on all her issues before dating a man. You really need to go out there and find a girl that is already happy with her life, not a messed up girl. If despite that you still want to date her then make a move on her a try to get out of friend zone. you already wasted 2 months of your life with this woman and you didn't know she is into you romantically. No kisses.. no sex. nothing at all. You are just friends for the moment..

    Advice 2. start reading about how to be a man, how to stop to be a nice guy. This is going to help you not only with woman, but life in general.

    Good luck..
  15. Oh man I dont even know where to start. At this point I just get troll vibes from you. I dont care about the red flags. I dont care if she is different. I have always been able to go out and get whoever I want, whenever I want. I have read the book you mentioned and a bunch of others. I have used it to get women in bed before but nothing meaningful.

    The thing now is that I am focused on this girl. If I loose her because I mess up as you say then I am a free man again.

    But that is not what I am doing and I have no problem breaking it off with her if things turn sour.

    Think im going to buy that movie theatre... Why just rent it when I can buy it for us to watch movies together forever lol.

    And I dont know what you usually do in movie theaters but that is where I have the most success with women. It is the perfect place for a first kiss without drawing too much attention.

    I can get better girls. I am sure of that but I dont want to. This girl is super model hot, she is somewhat damaged but highly intelligent and share my sense of humor and basically everything im interested in, she is interested in as well.

    So I dont need to be told how bad im messing up when you are not providing any actual advice.

    With some other girl I would probably turn on all the buttons at once but this girl is insecure. She closes down when she get insecure. She has schizophrenia and space out sometimes but I dont care.
  16. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

    You can ignore reality, but you can't ignore the consequences of ignoring reality. You really deserve what you are getting into.
    Oliver Gunter likes this.
  17. This thread went south. I called 17 girls today. 16 of them wanted to meet. So I guess I am just going to fuck around until Icy is ready.

    You say I am a nice guy but I am doing whatever the heck I want. I also have a good intuition so I can act on that. Besides, the power of Nofap is not to be under estimated. It makes you naturally confident.

    I am going to skype with a girl tomorrow. 2 girls are coming over next week, I just got invited to my exes party with her new boyfriend. I called Icy about it and she is joining.

    I have issues, you are correct. But I was looking more for actual advice than just being bashed for doing everything wrong.

    I mean, our ancestors didnt use fancy techniques to get women in bed. They acted on instincts.

    The reason I am going on dates with 15 different girls the next week is to get myself back in the right mindset so to speak. I find it odd that 16 out of 17 said yes if im such a looser at dating.

    My point is that there is never a general rule that apply to every situation. Your advice may work on 30% of girls if they want to get laid but to get a girl into a relationship is a longer process. At least with this girl.

    I am going to go out and ask my friends about advice and stop asking on a porn addict forum..
  18. IGY

    IGY Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

    Wtf! :eek: What does that even mean? o_O
    NF SINCE BIRTH likes this.
  19. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

    That's because you don't care about those 17 girls. It's easy to be confident and act accordingly with those girls and seduce them easily. But when you met a woman that is out of your league you already show that you became a beta male, a nice guy to them because you want to be extra nice to seduce them. You already put this girl Icy in a pedestal and you are threating her different, you don't realize this but is clear as water. You can get laid with all that 16 girls, it doesn't matter because with the one you really want something with you, you are doing everything wrong, and because of that you are stuck in friendzone and currently been her emotional tampon.

    Hahaha, is an expression(Corey Wayne). He want's to be his lover. He want a relationship with her but after 2 months he is just his friend. Woman tell all his males friends (nice guys) their problems like they do to their girl friends and psychologist. Woman expel all their emotions to this people like they expel blood in their period, he is acting like a tampon catching up all that felling's as a good friend do and not getting any action. Woman use his males friends as emotional tampons and "bad boys" to have fun in bedroom.
    @NF SINCE BIRTH is a "bad boy" with this 16 girls and that's why he is successful with them but is a doormat to this one girl he really cares about so he is stuck in friendzone.
    NF SINCE BIRTH likes this.
  20. Okay maybe you have a point. I have been out of the game for a long time and just got out of a psychiatric hospital. The thing is that I am being proactive about it right now. I wont let my emotions depend on her. I didnt text her today. She texted me for once. I answered short and will keep quiet for another day. It seems manipulative but I need to give her time to miss me and the oportunity to chase me back.

    I have a girl coming over on tuesday. She is super outgoing and flirty. Julia. She wasnt hard to ask at all and she admitted that she stalked my facebook profile a few days ago. Maybe she is bad news for the thing I have with Icy but I dont care if I end up in bed with Julia. I need to get my sexual confidence back.