Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Dudewiththeproblem, Nov 30, 2017.

  1. Dudewiththeproblem

    Dudewiththeproblem Fapstronaut

    Its hard.. I am way over 30s and still a virgin but thats not whats bothering me really. Intimacy starved but at the same time i cant handle intimacy. Frak !!

    Sometimes I rewind and look at every encounter and possibility i had with girl or women and its always the same story. My mind wont let me.. Earlies memorys 6y old. Later in first class a girl liked me and chased me around.. Why did i run away and not let her catch me.. I dreamed and fantasised about these and other girls for years but IRL i could not handle even having a girl as a friend. Sister brought home girl friends and introduced me.. neighbor girl and her friend wanted to get to know me.. I mean it felt like someone was teasing me.. It was not about sex at that age, only the closeness and warm feeling of having a girl close.

    Its the same response i have now. I run. In fantasy i always wanted to be caught but in reality i panic and flee. Its a super-superstrong feeling and it wont go away ever. It also has to do with that i am bad at talking about emotional related things or anything at all really. I cant have a real conversation.. too broken. Text is easier becouse you can think for a long time and edit forever before posting. Best case scenario mayby i can talk about my tecnical hobbys but what girl wants to hear about that.

    It seems some others with Aspergers has the same problem when reading on reddit.. Even someone had a girldfriend but threw up everytime when she was visiting becouse of the anxiety..

    Very easy to get into porn adiction as it require no social skills. I had terbytes of VR porn.

    What happpens is i close off the outside world.. I can pretend everything is ok or dive into some hobby. Sometimes i pretend being someone else and i feel better as long as i am in my bubble. For example i like the HBO series Sopranos. Fantasizing being Tony, alpha male, big cigarr in the mouth having the world by its balls. Plenty of women. Ofc i would not like to be a sociopath, have depression/have anxiety attacks or kill people but you get the point.

    Adding to that i think my testosteron is almost gone now.. after 30y it started to fall.. or atleast it felt likt it. I will probably test myself next year but i thought i give nofap a go first.

    I try and find motivation and succed for awhile but reality of things always comes back.

    My urges to fap are gone, 5 weeks without it. I looked at some nude pictures today thought. I felt really blue and craving female closeness but i didnt feel aroused.

    I know there are people who cuddle for money (as its legal) but thats way to scary for an Asperger person like myself.. My sister seems to be a bit like me but mayby to as emotinal challanged. There wont be any more of us thought. No relationships and def. no own family.

    Sorry for the rant.. i had so high hopes for how life would be when i was young and nothing went the way i had thought. Why is everything so hard. Its not enough that life is hard on the outside but also having to fight yourself on the inside is too much..
    40y virgin is 100% for real soon and thats not even top10 thing i am sad about..
    Deleted Account and Yanis like this.
  2. Have you ever been to a group for people with Asbergers? Maybe an online Meetup or a support group or something like that.

    Speaking of which, you could look up other Meetups. There might be a group that interests you.
    Deleted Account likes this.
  3. I’m sitting here pondering what I could say to offer comfort, but I find myself at a lose after reading your post. I know enough about Aspergers to know that there is so simple answer to your delima and that actually makes me sad. I’m trying to put myself in your shoes to come up with the right thing to say or the solution to the problem, but this is a challenging one.

    What others and myself on this site are happy to do is to continue the conversation and offer support and encouragement when you need it. I’d certainly be open to expanding my understanding of Aspergers and getting to know you better. Maybe we could share challenges and see what solutions we can come up with.

    Let me know if you would like to chat more. We can use this thread or we can email.
  4. Yanis

    Yanis Fapstronaut

    Unfortunately I am not a therapist and don’t know Asperger-Syndrom. Seems to be some kind of autism. I know a guy who is working as a music therapist. His name is John Adorney. On YouTube you find some video clips with his music ( my favorite music) and also with his work with an authistic young man. Music can heal, love can heal. I have some good feeling things will improve in your life.
  5. Dudewiththeproblem

    Dudewiththeproblem Fapstronaut

    I have been thinking about it. If i can fix myself up abit i probably will try atleast. Nofap is a somthing that could help me alot i think over time to overcome some of my social inhabitions. I have been better at it at some points in my life and i hope if i really try now i will improve.

    Thank you for your kind words. I am a bit overwelmed at the moment as there are alot of things i need to think about. Soon i have to go to meetings about getting back to work and discuss my future etc.
    Next week i will check my testosterone. I think nofap can help alot but i suspect my testosterone has dimished to a critical point last couple of years.

    I will look him up, thank you for your kind response. :)
    There is alot going on now for me so i might take a break and return to the forum some time later after christmas.
    Yanis likes this.
  6. Hang in there. If you need to chat or vent, then feel free to look me up. I'm happy to help.
  7. I have Aspergers, OCD, depression, and PTSD. Aside from a few prostitutes 16 years ago, I might as well be a virgin. I know how hard it is to approach girls, and I don't really know what to do about it. I have been trying meditation for the past few weeks, and I keep meaning to exercise but never seem to get around to it.

    I find myself fantasizing about women all the time, especially now that I am breaking myself of porn. I understand what it is like to want just to have someone touch you, but to have no one around. There has been no one around for a very long time. If you want someone to chat with, please message me. I can't cuddle with you, but it might be good to have a friend just to communicate with.
  8. I'm sorry to hear that you feel this way. No one should have to. Might I suggest group meets where you are encouraged to talk about your problems in a safe environment? You are not alone. Also know this; your life isn't defined by if you've had sex or not. I hope you feel better!
  9. IwillRestore

    IwillRestore Fapstronaut

    I'm posting a website that has a treatment used for ASD. Please take a look. If you feel like doing it, send an e-mail to them through the contact tab.
    I hope you feel better, and keep it up.
  10. ifthisislove

    ifthisislove Fapstronaut

    I also have Aspergers and am in exactly the same boat as you are. I'm still a virgin, about to turn 34 in a few weeks and I'm still living at home. For a long time, I too was scared of intimacy until about a year ago, I met a girl who forced me to open my heart to the world and speak my truth. I also felt within that year that I was externally validating and approval seeking towards the opposite sex, which I suspect might also be the case for you as well.

    In the last 12 months, I've been on quite a number of dates, hung out with lots of women without seeking any sort of outcome, but not had any sex with them. I'm okay with it in the grand scheme of things because I'm practicing on how I interact with women. It's just about getting out of your comfort zone but most important of all, learn the concept of you being enough as you. You are good enough. Don't change for the sake of a woman. Turn up as your authentic, stumbling, awkward self to the world and OWN IT.
    Deleted Account likes this.

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