I've been masturbating with a roughly once a day rate for 8 years since I was 15. Around the third year I've witnessed that the intense pleasure I've been having was dying away. Then the unwanted fantasies began. Stuff I would never do in the real world (although I guess I should consider myself fortunate that I didn't go as extreme into the genres some ppl go to). Around 6th year I guess I saw dryness on my penile skin and got really scared. Started using a cream. That's better now. I've been trying to quit for the last two years so even if I couldn't keep a streak longer than 20 days at least my daily rate of PMO decreased at least. Most of my masturbations have been in the toilet. That's where most of my relapses happen. I really hate the fact that I taught my brain to associate the toilet setting with arousal.. because all my PMOs was in a sitting position I can't get my dick working when I'm standing up. Is that normal? Lately I've been exercising with arousing myself with only the thoughts of women I find attractive in real life. Like girls from college. And it worked, at least it got my dick up for a prolonged amount of time but M only to their image wasn't enough for O. I still need porn acts, if not pornstarts, to ejaculate. When I'm not sitting, my dick never gets hard. It also never gets hard around women I find attractive. Is that bad? Also, important: I've masturbated always with three fingers, not the usual wrapping my palm around my dick. This scares me as well. When I masturbated, even while looking at porn, while masturbating with the classical palm wrapped around dick.. I couldn't ejaculate. I couldn't feel the same sensations I felt masturbating with the three-finger grip. The three-finger grip puts pressure in certain areas, not the whole dick, so I think it's an even less realistic simulation of a real life penetration. I fear that I taught my dick to get aroused to the three-finger grip so deeply that I will never be able to cum during normal sex. Is this true? Does all of this stuff really get cured with an Hard Mode reboot? I'll really do all it takes to reach a stage where my dick gets aroused easily by real life women.