Attachments to Love and Sex, and the Power of Sexual Energy

Hello everyone

My name's Cory and I'm currently abstaining from porn and masturbation. Porn was something I found at age 13 and developed a relationship with which continued till about 21. I am now 23. Even before I found this site I'd understood the harmful effects of porn and so over about a period of almost 2 years I have slowly removed it from my life, and can now say I haven't watched it in about 4 months. In the last 2 months I've only touched myself twice.

Since completely abstaining from any sexual activity I've found that the sexual energy kept is very hard to deal with. It's been great for using in other areas of my life but sometimes it gets overwhelming.

What I've found in this process of change is that because I hold the energy, instead of consistently releasing it, it has become something that I have to give as opposed to something that needs appeasing. This has been incredibly useful in understanding my sexual preferences as people are now not seen as a form of sexual gratification. Now that I know I am fine without that gratification it's become a process of empowering myself to give love to the people who contain aspects of humanity that I love. Then figuring out whether that love contains a sexual attraction or not. It's made it far easier for me to give love to my closest friends and colleagues because there isn't any anxiety born from the uncertainty of whether my love contains sexual attraction; I can now hold this energy and know that it simply another way of giving love to another person.

However the hardest part has been in finding people I connect with incredibly well and who I do have a sexual attraction to. For in finding these people it has forced me to face the attachments I've been carrying towards love and sex.

What I've found when facing these attachments to love and sex is the exact same thing as any other attachment: The idea that external gratification will bring long lasting happiness is untrue.

Now I have known that sex does not mean love, and that love does not mean sex, but it has taken the removal of masturbation in order for me to engage in the emotions (which are thoughtless) that I've held towards the two. By finding someone I've felt incredible love and sexual attraction to I've been able to look at my attachment to the desire for a relationship and sex, understand why it's there (feelings of loneliness and hopelessness) and then remove them.

This is the interesting part as all addiction is an attachment we create a relationship with in order to escape from our feelings of loneliness and hopelessness. What is so powerful about abstaining from masturbation is that the act of masturbation is an incredible emotional release, which is why I think men have had such a problem with addiction to as we are brought up in a culture that depicts men as being weak when emotionally vulnerable. So abstaining from masturbation removes that incredible emotional ease and brings up far more emotions than most other abstinence from addictions.

I can now stand in solidity with the understanding that love encompasses all, and that if I want to experiment with sex it's ok, but if I can't have sex it won't take anything away from my life. The same being with a relationship of love.

This process of detachment I believe is one of the most important aspects of our time, because it includes every addiction and attachment we as a species are currently dealing with. But in order to do it we have to understand the universal connectivity of all things, and be able to sit in silence with the Creator/God/Consciousness/Universal Energy/Allah/Spirit, or whatever you perceive it to be.

For when we sit and let go of attachment we find our innate peace and happiness, giving us the ability to create a life from what we love as opposed to searching, taking, and containing things for personal benefit. What is particularly powerful about holding our sexual energy is that it can be used for this purpose of creation, and end up attracting everything we've ever desired to us without the need to search.

What we find here is one of life's many paradoxes: In order to have we must give. And in order to give, we must not need to have.


I wish all of you a swift and fruitful journey to your peace and happiness. Know that we are removing 100s if not 1000s of years of psychological manipulation, and that the pain found in the removal of these ideas is natural.

"Just what you want to be, you will be in the end.
And I love you"
- The Moody Blues

Xxxx

 

Hey Rocky

I'm told wet dreams are a natural reaction to rebooting, you'll get back to your usual state in no time. The fatigue and likely the paining is from the release. The anxiety I'm sure is too, but I think it's important to know that's it's only been uncovered by the release and that it has always been there.

I'd recommend meditating (in what ever way you prefer) to take you away from your thoughts and feelings, and then to sit afterwards and let the feeling come on again. Then you can watch the thoughts that pop up and perhaps come to an understanding about it.

Otherwise if the rebooting has been enough for you to function without anxiety then I'm sure with a bit of time you'll build up the energy again

Much love and thank you!