Attracted by another girl

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by wtchcrft, Jul 5, 2018.

  1. wtchcrft

    wtchcrft New Fapstronaut

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    Hi guys!
    I am new to Nofap (almost one month) and since yesterday i can only think about a girl I met yesterday at my university. I had to talk to her about my studies because she works there as an consultant.The problem is that im in a relationship since 6 years and didn't have thoughts about breaking up.Do you think it's just transient or does it nothing to do with Nofap at all?

    Just share your thoughts :)
     
  2. Headspace

    Headspace Fapstronaut

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    Hi there, and welcome to the site! Glad to see you already have 4 weeks under your belt, keep going!

    So, you have been in this relationship for 6 years. Have you never felt attracted to another woman before during that time? Feeling this doesn't mean you have to think about breaking up. I'd say it's perfectly normal to feel attracted to another person, what matters is the way you act on it. Whether it's transient or not depends on what you do with it and your general attitude. We are not victims of our feelings, we take responsibility for our actions, we shape our lifes. If you're experiencing this for the first time right now, it might well be related to NoFap, because your sexual energy might have increased. All in all, you only met her once, yesterday - I would be really skeptical about that, she might be different than you think, and what you think might just be the sum of what you desire her to be for some - whatever - reason. May be not, may be the two of you would be one hell of a fit for each other, but then again, so would be thousands of women you could potentially meet. This will always be the case, chasing women won't get you anywhere.
     
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  3. AsharKiller

    AsharKiller Fapstronaut

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    The attraction is another form of PMO. It would be ok if you were not in a relationship but being in a relationship and then thinking about another girl is just like being married and still doing PMO. Things are similiar but belong to different branches but lead to the same trunk. I guess you need to have more control over your sexuality otherwise you will keep breaking up and making up with girls after girls and feel unsatisfied for your entire life. Women are same just they appear different. They are humans not mobiles that you are done with your current one and need another one. If you go with this thinking the n same will happen to you. Life is worthful don't sell it for pennies of pathetic beauties that can only make you excrete your strength for nothing.
     
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  4. wtchcrft

    wtchcrft New Fapstronaut

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    Wow guys thanks for such detailed answers. I just never felt that way before, like i have no control over my feelings and it feels so unnatural to me.I assume it has to be something about Nofap so i will just wait and try to get more control over my feelings and sexual energy.
     
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  5. Headspace

    Headspace Fapstronaut

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    Always happy to help. I have been single for a couple of years, so my perspective might different from yours - but my attitude shifted from finding the ideal woman to finding a good woman and - may be - creating the ideal relationship together. Once you shift your focus from the woman to the relationship, breaking up ceases to be an option (in your case), does it?

    There are a few differences in my post and the one of @AsharKiller. I see now that there are two options in how what you experience could be related to NoFap.

    1.) You can't live out your PMO addiction anymore, so you search for substitutes, and you find them in random women you see on the street or may be - as in your case - talked to for few minutes. It means you show addiction symptoms.

    2.) PMO has always been a way for you to get rid of overshooting sexual energy. Now you can't let this energy out anymore, so you have to look for new targets,and you find them in random women you see on the street or may be talked to for few minutes. Other than 1.), it means you are healing.

    2.) looks healthier than 1.). What applies to you you have to know for yourself, may be it is impossible to know, may be it is a mixture of both. Assuming that option 2.) applies, you can may be consider your drives "natural" assuming that men are wild, testosterone-driven beasts at heart. Nevertheless, you can't act out on it in a monogamous relationship, right? So what can you do instead? The number one answer (which is also dropping often on this forum) is sublimation, which means you use your sexual energy for something different than sex or anything related to it. You transform it. You can think of sexual energy as a form of creative energy, so you can may be channel your sex drive into something creative, like doing art, starting your own business, whatever you like. May be doing sports and "building your body" would be enough, too. You can then figure out if keeping yourself busy helps you deal with your situation. Have you made any changes in your daily life when starting NoFap, aside from PMO abstinence? I highly recommend that you do and use this opportunity to start something new, or to better yourself at something that may be got lost along the way.
     
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  6. Here2learn17

    Here2learn17 Fapstronaut

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    I had this same experience when first starting. Some reason I would be really attracted to women and couldn’t get them out of my head and thought I needed to ask them out. Even though I’m not single. For me this was a phase that lasted about 6 weeks and then started fading.

    Of course I still see other women and I’m attracted to them but it’s a lot easier to compartmentlize at this point. No thoughts of “having” to ask them out or anything like that.
     
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  7. AsharKiller

    AsharKiller Fapstronaut

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    I assume both of you are older than me. Headspace bro i appreciate your reply. You kinda understand me. But the problem with us is immaturity. Attraction can be normal but attraction with lust is never normal unless someone forces to and it can only happen between partners. So getting lusted with strangers is out of question. It is a problem which lies on the bright side unlike PMO which lies on the dark side. May we all succeed in our lives and stay safe from evils that eat our beauty of life.
     

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