Autism, ADHD, and addiction

S

Startinganewlife

Fapstronaut
Hello all. I'm opening up this discussion because I am generally curious. I have been living with mild autism and heavy ADHD. Mostly hyperfixation problems. If I find a new topic I'm interested in, I will watch videos and read articles non stop until I feel like I know just about everything about that subject. When it comes to my addiction (the reason I am posting this here) I can't seem to control myself sometimes. I am not making this to blame my condition for anything...rather to explore my own and others feelings and help come up with solutions. With my hyper fixation issues, I find myself going at it for hours and hours some days...wasting all of my free time and distracting me from my true hobbies. Every single time I say I can't do that again and waste all this time but it seems like after a long or hard day, I always come back. I am making strides to improve as I think most of us are but posting my feelings and thoughts on here certainly helps. Even if nobody reads it.
 
Yea I have inattentive adhd and can relate. The hyper focus and going extreme on new projects a bit obsessively seems common. Then I’ll get a bit bored with it before finishing and start something new. I’ve found it helpful to write down long term goals. A lot of people with adhd get hypersexuality. Is it material that you feel is degrading that you want to stop? I use adult content blockers which help. YouTube’s pretty tame if I try and go on a binge
 
I feel because I’m so driven and push myself to achieve stuff, learn new things, train hard, tidy up, organise, ( usually all at the same time. Coupled with a racing mind constantly thinking and analysing, that it can become very manic. I obviously used porn and then sex as a way to soothe and regulate as a teenager so I’ve trained my brain to automatically do this to try and calm down. I mean it’s a great distraction searching for whatever which releases dopamine (something adhd people lack production of) then to have a release of opioids and oxytocin when we come. It’s no wonder we use it. I’m trying to just sit with the feeling when I can and observe it. Is it that painful not to do it. Feels quite odd and sometimes uncomfortably boring.
 
Startinganewlife said:
Hello all. I'm opening up this discussion because I am generally curious. I have been living with mild autism and heavy ADHD. Mostly hyperfixation problems. If I find a new topic I'm interested in, I will watch videos and read articles non stop until I feel like I know just about everything about that subject. When it comes to my addiction (the reason I am posting this here) I can't seem to control myself sometimes. I am not making this to blame my condition for anything...rather to explore my own and others feelings and help come up with solutions. With my hyper fixation issues, I find myself going at it for hours and hours some days...wasting all of my free time and distracting me from my true hobbies. Every single time I say I can't do that again and waste all this time but it seems like after a long or hard day, I always come back. I am making strides to improve as I think most of us are but posting my feelings and thoughts on here certainly helps. Even if nobody reads it.
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I have Asperger's Syndrome and by your description I would guess you do have. This condition DOES make it harder for you in many ways. You find special interests just I have over the years be it Nascar, The Baltimore Ravens, whatever. So it's very likely that porn and sex became one of your special interests and because your brain works differently from other people you very easily got sucked in. Here ids my advice. You aren't going to quit until you find a reason to really WANT to quit. I was fine with the addiction for years. But after years of ED and being able to have sex with my GF who is now my Fiance' I learned about P.I.E.D. Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction. I am still going through this after a year and a half away from porn, but I have seen a LOT of improvement. I tell you this because I don't want you to wake up one day and not be able to sexually perform to anything other than sex on a screen. I KNOW it's hard for you when you are fixated on something, but I also know if I can get past it, you can to. Best of luck.
 
Startinganewlife said:
Hello all. I'm opening up this discussion because I am generally curious. I have been living with mild autism and heavy ADHD. Mostly hyperfixation problems. If I find a new topic I'm interested in, I will watch videos and read articles non stop until I feel like I know just about everything about that subject. When it comes to my addiction (the reason I am posting this here) I can't seem to control myself sometimes. I am not making this to blame my condition for anything...rather to explore my own and others feelings and help come up with solutions. With my hyper fixation issues, I find myself going at it for hours and hours some days...wasting all of my free time and distracting me from my true hobbies. Every single time I say I can't do that again and waste all this time but it seems like after a long or hard day, I always come back. I am making strides to improve as I think most of us are but posting my feelings and thoughts on here certainly helps. Even if nobody reads it.
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I, too, have ADHD inattentive type. I don’t have autism but I have a good friend here on NoFap that does have autism and I’m learning that we have a lot in common. I created a group here on NoFap for ADHD fapstonauts. You’re welcome to join if you’d like. I try and post things in the group - topics that are ADHD related and that have to do with PMO addiction.

I 100% understand what you’re talking about when it comes to hyper fixation. It’s referred to as hyperfocus and it happens to people with ADHD all the time - myself included. Yes, we’re curious about the world around us and when we find a new interest, we get sucked in for hours / days. We are certainly more prone to addiction but that doesn’t mean that we can’t overcome addiction. I’m proof that it’s possible. I overcame an addiction to P 15 years ago. Actually, today is my 15 year anniversary :). It took a lot of work and it was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. I have never used ADHD as an excuse for not trying in life. I’ve been able to succeed despite having it - just have to find the work arounds.

My struggle (and the reason why I’m here) has to do with hyper sexuality. This is another ADHD trait that has been difficult for me to reign in. It manifests itself in me as an addiction to MO and fetishes. I’m doing everything I can to overcome both of those issues and have been doing pretty well. Definitely not perfect, but seem to be improving lately.
 
Jefe Rojo said:
I, too, have ADHD inattentive type. I don’t have autism but I have a good friend here on NoFap that does have autism and I’m learning that we have a lot in common. I created a group here on NoFap for ADHD fapstonauts. You’re welcome to join if you’d like. I try and post things in the group - topics that are ADHD related and that have to do with PMO addiction.

I 100% understand what you’re talking about when it comes to hyper fixation. It’s referred to as hyperfocus and it happens to people with ADHD all the time - myself included. Yes, we’re curious about the world around us and when we find a new interest, we get sucked in for hours / days. We are certainly more prone to addiction but that doesn’t mean that we can’t overcome addiction. I’m proof that it’s possible. I overcame an addiction to P 15 years ago. Actually, today is my 15 year anniversary :). It took a lot of work and it was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. I have never used ADHD as an excuse for not trying in life. I’ve been able to succeed despite having it - just have to find the work arounds.

My struggle (and the reason why I’m here) has to do with hyper sexuality. This is another ADHD trait that has been difficult for me to reign in. It manifests itself in me as an addiction to MO and fetishes. I’m doing everything I can to overcome both of those issues and have been doing pretty well. Definitely not perfect, but seem to be improving lately.
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Well done dude, it makes it really tough doesn’t it. I find when I’m anxious and want to avoid something that’s when I’m most likely to act out with self destructive fetishes. I found a good vid on shcemas and adhd which resonated with me and femdom etc
 
Wow, wow wow wow. I related very much. I was diagnosed w/ aspergers when I was young, never diagnosed for adhd, but I have always had problems with focus. I do exactly what your are talking about, down to swearing I will never do it again. I fantasize about dropping the habit and entering the grind to bettering my life as I should, but I never find myself able to muster the will. I always inevitably fall down the same but different rabbit holes over and over. I also am trying to improve, but I've not been terribly structured in any way to do so. The times of my life that I was better were either due to strong responsibility or strong inspiration. Both of which I feel PMO dullens the sense of. You are not alone in the struggle. Let me know if you figure out anything that helps to get out of the loop :emoji_upside_down::emoji_sweat_smile:
 
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Startinganewlife said:
Hello all. I'm opening up this discussion because I am generally curious. I have been living with mild autism and heavy ADHD. Mostly hyperfixation problems. If I find a new topic I'm interested in, I will watch videos and read articles non stop until I feel like I know just about everything about that subject. When it comes to my addiction (the reason I am posting this here) I can't seem to control myself sometimes. I am not making this to blame my condition for anything...rather to explore my own and others feelings and help come up with solutions. With my hyper fixation issues, I find myself going at it for hours and hours some days...wasting all of my free time and distracting me from my true hobbies. Every single time I say I can't do that again and waste all this time but it seems like after a long or hard day, I always come back. I am making strides to improve as I think most of us are but posting my feelings and thoughts on here certainly helps. Even if nobody reads it.
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Also a guy, 42, with ADHD and autism issues. I have a P addiction, which I am proud to say I've been abstinent from for five years and attend a weekly SAA meeting. Hyperfocus has helped me and hindered me in the past. It definetly made me prone to P addiction as a young teen. The good news is it's also possible to use the hyperfocus as a way to stick to a path of recovery, and better habits and hobbies. All the best, God bless.
 
Startinganewlife said:
Hello all. I'm opening up this discussion because I am generally curious. I have been living with mild autism and heavy ADHD. Mostly hyperfixation problems. If I find a new topic I'm interested in, I will watch videos and read articles non stop until I feel like I know just about everything about that subject. When it comes to my addiction (the reason I am posting this here) I can't seem to control myself sometimes. I am not making this to blame my condition for anything...rather to explore my own and others feelings and help come up with solutions. With my hyper fixation issues, I find myself going at it for hours and hours some days...wasting all of my free time and distracting me from my true hobbies. Every single time I say I can't do that again and waste all this time but it seems like after a long or hard day, I always come back. I am making strides to improve as I think most of us are but posting my feelings and thoughts on here certainly helps. Even if nobody reads it.
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You've just described me too bud. ADHD and Autism makes this so much harder I think but it's possible to find a balance and survive it. Guys like @Jefe Rojo and @Littlefella are living proof. Both awesome inspiration of achievement at cleaning up their lives. I'm in a massively better place than i was 500 days ago and am determined to never go back... but those hyper fixation issues and hypersexuality can be a real problem for us!

I'd also love to join @Jefe Rojo ADHD group!!
 
Thank you everyone for sharing your stories, opinions, facts, and advise. I truly appreciate all of you. I was on a very good streak but just this week my girlfriend decided to leave (not related to this topic). This has sent me down a spiral and I feel like I've fallen into an ever deeper pit. Obviously it will take time for me to process this change in my life. I hate so much that during my initial grief I turned to this addiction to comfort myself. I don't want that to be my coping mechanism. I did this pretty much all day today because when I wasn't focused on porn, all I could think about is how sad I am. I feel like a puddle of sadness. I know it can only get better from here but I needed to vent as I have nowhere else to do so. Thank you again everyone. Hopefully I can come back with a more positive update.
 
Startinganewlife said:
Thank you everyone for sharing your stories, opinions, facts, and advise. I truly appreciate all of you. I was on a very good streak but just this week my girlfriend decided to leave (not related to this topic). This has sent me down a spiral and I feel like I've fallen into an ever deeper pit. Obviously it will take time for me to process this change in my life. I hate so much that during my initial grief I turned to this addiction to comfort myself. I don't want that to be my coping mechanism. I did this pretty much all day today because when I wasn't focused on porn, all I could think about is how sad I am. I feel like a puddle of sadness. I know it can only get better from here but I needed to vent as I have nowhere else to do so. Thank you again everyone. Hopefully I can come back with a more positive update.
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Sorry, to hear your painful circumstances. Don’t be too hard on yourself for turning to porn. We’ve used it since we were young to soothe us. Make sure to look after that hurt child in you. Don’t get cross with it.
 
Things have not been better but the wound is still fresh. Today was possibly the worst day I've ever had with this addiction. I feel so dumb, so weak, so defeated, so ashamed of myself. I feel like this every time and I just can't comprehend why I come back to it. This is not me, this is not how I want to live. I don't know what to do anymore. I've heard the online therapy sucks, and I'm too ashamed to do it in real life. Does anybody have any tips?. I really want to escape this. I am the most bland, nicest, well mannered person in my real life. As soon as I delve deeper into my addiction I find myself watching videos that I would find very off putting during my regular life. Of course I won't list categories here as to not trigger another person, but I just feel like my ADHD brain is digging me down in this hole and getting out of it keeps getting harder and harder. I thought I was mentally strong, and I was for a while, but as soon as I faced adversities it all came crumbling down. Ranting on here makes me feel better and hearing everyone's success stories does insire some hope for me. Hopefully my next update will be a positive/successful one!
 
Startinganewlife said:
Things have not been better but the wound is still fresh. Today was possibly the worst day I've ever had with this addiction. I feel so dumb, so weak, so defeated, so ashamed of myself. I feel like this every time and I just can't comprehend why I come back to it. This is not me, this is not how I want to live. I don't know what to do anymore. I've heard the online therapy sucks, and I'm too ashamed to do it in real life. Does anybody have any tips?. I really want to escape this. I am the most bland, nicest, well mannered person in my real life. As soon as I delve deeper into my addiction I find myself watching videos that I would find very off putting during my regular life. Of course I won't list categories here as to not trigger another person, but I just feel like my ADHD brain is digging me down in this hole and getting out of it keeps getting harder and harder. I thought I was mentally strong, and I was for a while, but as soon as I faced adversities it all came crumbling down. Ranting on here makes me feel better and hearing everyone's success stories does insire some hope for me. Hopefully my next update will be a positive/successful one!
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Everything you wrote is what I used to feel as well. It wasn’t who I was, I felt horrible about it but just kept coming back to it. That is exactly what addiction does, you will keep coming back to it unless you’re willing to do whatever is necessary. Until you get to that point, you will be horrified by where the addiction takes you. It will take you to places you never thought you’d go. It will degrade your self worth and lead you to behaviors that are against what you once stood for.

I don’t mean to scare you, I just wanted to let you know that addiction will never let go of you until you are willing to be open and honest about it with whoever you need to disclose to. If it continues to be a secret, it’s literally impossible to stop.

What did I do to finally break free? I told a leader in my church, who helped me get a therapist. And then I joined a 12 step program. And then I got a second therapist and joined another support group. I told my girlfriend, I told another church leader. I started holding myself accountable and no longer hiding it. Was it humiliating? Absolutely. Would I do it again? Absolutely. Because addiction thrives on secrecy. But when you disclose it and have other people helping you hold yourself accountable, the fight becomes way more effective and you actually start changing your life and your habits. You become the person you knew you could become. And then one day you look back and realize that you left that old life behind. I left that old life behind 15 years ago and never looked back. The girlfriend that I mentioned? That’s my wife of now 14 years. We have four children. Life is completely different and I am a completely different person. P doesn’t appeal to me anymore. And I’m ADHD, just like you :).

So, there is hope brother. You just have to be desperate enough to change. Sometimes this is referred to as hitting rock bottom. Hopefully you can reach that point soon without causing too much pain and suffering. Life can be beautiful.
 
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Update: I haven't slept much, I've cried every night in my bed. I really miss my partner. It's been so hard. But what I can say is other than the instance above, I have not given into my addiction again. I'm hoping the guilt and stress of my addiction, mixed with my current trauma, can be what I need to make a change. Thank you for the kind words. I'll update again soon. Man this is a real rough time in my life. It certainly helps to be able to vent here.
 
I'm done. I had a rough emotional day and ruined my entire Saturday. I'm completely done. This was the last time. I am going to put my energy into something productive to my life, not destructive. It's gotten so out of hand on my bad days I'm at the point of pain and skin damage. This was the last time. I am strong and I can do it. I don't want to look back on my life and think about how much time I wasted on this dumb activity. It's ruining my life. It's time to be a man and make the change. No more excuses, no more lying to myself. I can't blame my adhd/autism or emotional trauma anymore. I am my own person and I am in control. I can do this. Hope you all are doing well. Thank you for the support. Talk to you soon
 
Startinganewlife said:
Hello all. I'm opening up this discussion because I am generally curious. I have been living with mild autism and heavy ADHD. Mostly hyperfixation problems. If I find a new topic I'm interested in, I will watch videos and read articles non stop until I feel like I know just about everything about that subject. When it comes to my addiction (the reason I am posting this here) I can't seem to control myself sometimes. I am not making this to blame my condition for anything...rather to explore my own and others feelings and help come up with solutions. With my hyper fixation issues, I find myself going at it for hours and hours some days...wasting all of my free time and distracting me from my true hobbies. Every single time I say I can't do that again and waste all this time but it seems like after a long or hard day, I always come back. I am making strides to improve as I think most of us are but posting my feelings and thoughts on here certainly helps. Even if nobody reads it.
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I have ADHD and I fully hear you. Hypersexuality combined with a very awkward sexual err...orientation (which is why I joined this site), makes my life extremely difficult. That on top of the usual day to day ADHD struggles is just painful.
 
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