awakenow vs. Jack McDickington

I have henceforth decided to name my masturbation addiction Jack MyDickington. These will be the chronicles of my days of struggle against this heathen. I will taste the sweet taste of victory against this ignorant fool who dares stand against my might. I will destroy him and bring glory to myself and my comrades!!!!

 

radio speaker: *prrrrssshhhhk prrrrshhhhhk* My first day of combat is about to come to a close...not too much resistance from McDickington to report on...*prrrrsshhk* but...perhaps that is because he is not aware of the impending battle that is to come. There are a few things to note: Was helping my family make Thanksgiving Dinner for tomorrow and McDickington decides to fire off his canons...I was able to get out of the way but was hit by thought shrapnel. I quickly accepted and pulled out the thought shrapnel and proceeded to peel potatoes. But then, just as I thought his cowardly assault came to an end, he pulled out his predictable standard issue BJ69"you know you want to" firearm and proceeded to fire. I dropped my potato cutter and dodged his fire like Neo and Trinity in the Matrix. McDickington just quietly smiled and returned to the shadows from which he came.

 

I agree...the battle with this creep has only just begun.....

 

radio speaker: *psssssshk* *psshhhhhhk* Day two held no challenge worth mentioning. Today is the end of day three. End of day three report: *psshhhhk* I woke up early and was promptly ambushed and caught unawares by McDickington and his platoon of morning wood henchmen. They proceeded to jab at me with their weapons as I tossed and turned, thinking I'd be snuffed out so early in this battle. Ignorant fool! I would not be taken for such a novice! I dodged their brutal swipes like Luke Skywalker against Vader on Bespin! Hastily, I made my bed right under their feet! I took McDickington and his crew of foolish goons out their optimal field of battle! McDickington and his posse soon retreated slowly back into the shadows...and he smiled and said "It is only day three young padawan".

Lessons learned: I am vulnerable to McDickington in the morning. More so than any other time of the day it seems. This has always been the case. Now I must set up more defenses during that time in order to defend against this cowardice...