Baby Steps to a better life !! ( A journal )

Howdy good people,

nothing much to say today;

I woke up early, then started my DIY bathroom project, worked on it for maybe two hours then the physical work was being too much so i decided to take a break, now i was studying for my job which starts from monday, it was awesome, i am so glad i found this job, i love the work i have to do and then also make money from it that's just awesome.

all and all things are good; TBH slightly tired;

My day could have been completely different, I am so proud of myself...

A mentor once told me our days should be productive, i guess he was right. when we focus on ourselves, and Work towards our goals, everything else just becomes stupid and we start ignoring the things that would otherwise give us heartbreaks and negativity. And i guess then we GROW.

Feeling very good and healthy today, Also, No urges, Been 7 days,

"What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals."

✌ Peace ☮
 
9 days, A M A Z I N G,

I never thought i could do it, i don't know how but after joining this website and sharing my day to day life it is just much simpler to control the urges and thoughts.

very little urges now, in the beginning they were out of control but now they are easy to control and very less, i think it's a way of my mind to sneak up on me.

seriously it has happened before, i would think the my porn days are long gone and it would sneak up on me from behind, but this time i am prepared, i am conscious, i am working my way towards a better life.

my brain is much active an healthy now.

To a good life, Clink !!

Thank you !
 
Ahh not gonna say anything today, kinda frustrated because of this jock itch i have, and a weird irritation in my throat.

10 Days, and it is good, will tell you everything about the journey once this itch disappears, it is driving me insane.

goodday sir !!
 
Ohhkay, i'm back,

the itch hasn't gone completely but it is at that sweet itchy disappearing phase,

it's been two days since i haven wrote in my journal and just in two days, this morning, i was hit with this massive urge to masturbate, ohh boy it was BIG, i almost gave in, first thing in the morning, maybe because past couple days have been very healthy happy and filled with productivity.

it might also have something to do with the fact that i was dreaming about my crush, anyways, i controlled it - thanks to the meditation i do everyday. also i woke up and took a nice cold shower, that calmed it down even more.

about my journey :

Life is great, it's just awesome, i can feel the willpower building up in my body, i don't procrastinate as much as i used to before also i have a job now and i am very happy about it, just what i wanted.
My junk is also very happy and healthy 'Sorry this sentence was for future me'

My sleep quality is better.
I am not as needy and clingy as i used to before.
My emotions are under control.
I feel Active throughout the day.
I Feel like i am growing and learning.

I had to do it, this is just what i needed,
Awesome.

thank you .
 
Day 14 :

Okay i can't believe myself, i'm about to reach day fifteen.

TBH my life has gone pretty busy these days, the job i am doing is keeping me busy all day long.
I don't mind it, because i'm learning a lot.

and not masturbating and watching porn has definitely helped me a lot,

i have more control over my body, my mind is very healthy and active, i can get to solutions quick.

my skin feels good, it is vibrant and healthy, before i had very dull and sad type of face but now i have glow and liveliness into it.

So Proud of myself.
I hope i get even better.

Thank you very much.
 
day 17:

Last night i had a dream that i broke my streak, it was holy michaels again, ohh it was very nasty, interesting thing is, i wasn't watching porn, her and i were together. when i woke up i was scared, but then i realized it was just a dream, also everything was dry so that made me even more happier.

The dream i had was very provocative and now i can't get the image out of my head, already had two urges today, one was very strong, it's just been two hours since i woke up.

Anyways, looking forward to complete my 90 Day Hard Mode Challenge.
Things are great.

Thank you.
 
Ohhkay,

Today I'm being blasted with urges from all the directions possible, doing what i do, Observing them and simply not giving them any fuel to burn on.

don't know what's so different today, i guess the fact that my boss is pushing a lot for me to work and acting like a complete Asshole.
I am working a lot lately and i think it is somehow affecting my lifestyle and stress levels.
i mean I'm not a procrastinator or someone who runs from work, but he is being a complete maniac and giving us tasks like crazy.

I am not complaining to them, because i am new at this company and i wanna build a stand and then ask for my personal time. I am also learning a lot here so i guess slight stress is not that bad after all.

Thank you,
 
Ohhkay,

Today I'm being blasted with urges from all the directions possible, doing what i do, Observing them and simply not giving them any fuel to burn on.

don't know what's so different today, i guess the fact that my boss is pushing a lot for me to work and acting like a complete Asshole.
I am working a lot lately and i think it is somehow affecting my lifestyle and stress levels.
i mean I'm not a procrastinator or someone who runs from work, but he is being a complete maniac and giving us tasks like crazy.

I am not complaining to them, because i am new at this company and i wanna build a stand and then ask for my personal time. I am also learning a lot here so i guess slight stress is not that bad after all.

will see where it goes.

Thank you,
 
Today was a very BAD day,

I was getting slammed with urges whole day long, the day as well was a roller coaster I was emotional most of the time,
even now i am getting urges and it is painful, i could not focus on my work today. I asked many of my friends if i should leave my JOB. I couldn't get a function to work and it really pissed me off. i was also comparing myself with others and felt really unworthy. My motivation and confidence were completely underground.

I hope tomorrow is a good day.
just have to complete my pre-bed routine and then i'll go to sleep.

Looking Forward to complete my 90 day hard mode.

Thank you, Good Night.
 
The dark side is trying to pull me in, it is definitely looking back.

This morning i probably got the strongest urge ever, I almost gave in but i don't know how, i could communicate better with my brain and i just didn't want to lose the benefits i am getting by not giving into my temptations.

Ohh boy if i was living with a girlfriend, we would have had the best sex ever, anyways i just didn't want to masturbate or watch porn and finish it in the first five minutes. i want to use this energy and channel it to become the best version of myself.

I am so proud of being in the 1% of the world, because now i am different, I have a character...My life has value, feels so good that i am not jerking off and wasting my life, instead i am trying to excel and pushing towards my goals. it's true world is hard, it's true it will take a lot more energy than i have to shine above the sky, but i will definitely not give up before putting in everything i got.

and even if i fail after giving it all, At-least i tried my best and i find something else to do, i have a very vast skill-set.

I know i will struggle a little because i am new in this world, i still have to learn rules (the good ones that will make sense), If i don't find something good here, i will make way for myself but i am surely not giving up and jerk off on my mattress i need this CHI for competing with my competition and be successful.
 
It's been seventeen Days. Feels good to achieve it and now i have to go further. I know there will be obstacles because if it was that easy everyone else would have done it, I am gonna fight with my very CORE and win.

I am an (悟) Elite Warrior

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it's my third week of 90 Day hard mode challenge,

frequency of urges is definitely increased, I get very strong and scrumptious Urges...

Day 18 about to complete.

Need to PUSH !!

Thank you.
 
Ahh, Have got repetitive urges since morning, feels good to observe them.
I get hit with porn cravings, randomly, Junior Shadow is very healthy these days, it has gone soft and Pink just like it was supposed to.
My erection feels good and i have a sweet sense in my brain when i get an erection, never used to have it before. Morning erections are back which is just awesome, i guess my sexual energy is restoring and repairing itself as my counter of Not Jerking Off increases.

Benefits i have experience so far :
I give up less, i don't procrastinate as much as i used to.
my brain catches things that it has never catch before.
Girls look at me. not just girls, i can feel people looking at me, I don't know why? and this has just begun.
I stay more productive and focused throughout the day.
My hairs feel good.
Did 10 pushUps today, not even a long breath "It was easy, easier than it used to be".

I also have this new found respect for myself, I mean before this i used to have two faces, one which is me and the other one was this very needy, sex hungry and self destructive person, he used to watch Porn, now i feel that day by day he is going away and i feel good about that because that person was conflicting with my personality.

Now i am who i am, i don't have any hidden bad personalities, which makes me more confident.
 
It's been 19 days since i've jerked off, i haven't watched any content on those bad websites either.

I was having tea with my mom today, and i asked her if she sees any difference in me : She said, You look younger than before. she said it might be because you got a job, But i know the real reason.

Now if i keep on this track, i think my destination will be better and more interesting. I also love the journey i am on, everyday is a new learning.
 
Got really strong Urges last night, like extremely hard to control.

I think the sitcom "Friends" is a trigger for Me. Every-time i watch that show i get Urges, Don't know why !
Anyways, i love that show and not gonna stop watching it, it is totally worth it, plus i get extra practice to tackle with my urges.

I don't wanna be one of those guys who avoid things, I wanna go through shit and not let it affect myself.

So last night was hard, but i was working whole day and i was really tired, and i slept anyway. Plus, i meditated last night before the urges so it kinda helped me, i could connect with myself better.

The frequency of urges increases and decreases on different days, but sometimes it hard to control and sometimes it's easy. So the more conscious i stay the better.

20 Days, Feels healthier and better.
 
yup, i definitely get urges when i watch friends, this thing is Proved now.

I was watching it just a minute ago and i got triggered, it was minor so not a big deal.

Anyways, Still fighting with myself, not fighting, i am ignoring that voice, i simply wait for the urge to Pass and not give it anymore ammunition than it already has.

The streak also helps me a lot, when I get triggered I question my Determination and Discipline towards my goal, which is. To not masturbate and to not watch porn.

And, to conquer 90 Day Hard Mode Challenge.

This thing is even bad when your are dealing with stress, I have to submit this assignment today and It is stressful which in turn wants me to procrastinate and Watch Porn. This is happening with me right now, but I'm going to focus on my work because that is what growth is, and not jerking off.

Also, i'm not doing it because i have to do it or it is Ultimately Important, I am doing it because it will make me learn something new, I am doing it because it will help me do better in the future.

So without wasting anymore time, I'm gonna go back to my work and complete that assignment.

Thank you.
 
Day 22:

I might have got the Most-Most-Most-Strong urge to Fap, Just last night, I mean for a second I thought this is it, my streak ends today, I mean i was so close, Man, so fuckin' close. Thank to god it was my Meditation time and i had some willpower remaining in myself, I don't know where it came from, it just did and then i just didn't, i just stopped.

Even the dream i had was very manipulative, I had broken the streak and Masturbated to probably every pornstar there ever exists, I remember i was sad and depressed in my dream, I can still visualize it. I was very happy when i woke up.

Also, i think the reason i got the urge was, i didn't wanna break my streak and the progress i have made up until now, This made me fight with the urge, And WE ARE NEVER SUPPOSED TO FIGHT WITH THE URGE. I remember telling myself we just have to do what we have done so far, let it pass, let it pass. And it disappeared.

Last night was very hard. i can't believe i almost broke my progress, Have to stay conscious today.

Need To Push.

Thank you very much.
 
Day 24, Day Twenty Four, Day Twenty-fuckin'-Four,

Never thought i would make it.

Urges are out of the roof lately, every night i am about to relapse, I myself even not aware now how i can do it, but i can control the urges now, never did this before... Everytime i used to try to control the urges, they would sunk me in, even now they are very massive, but as long as i'm conscious i know i'll be fine.

Benefits are kind of settled down for now, maybe i don't realise it or maybe it is internal, but it's been 3 to 4 days since i have seen something new in myself, waiting for it.

meanwhile, my genitals are looking pretty good, don't know about desensitisation but the colour and the skin down there looks healthy, i am hoping it will get even better with time.

Emotions are out of control, someday it's good someday it's bad, maybe it'll last for a while.

90 DAY HARD MODE, here i come.

Need to push.
 
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