Back after a year and a half....with a new story to tell!

I took over a year and a half away from this forum. I still very much worked on my addiction, even more than ever actually. I did not want to return to this forum until I could inspire people with more than just my words, but with my actions as well. I wanted to return to this forum a new man, one who has a stronger than ever before grip on this addiction. And I am glad to announce I am in that situation. It feels so good. I did think about this community often and hoped everyone was making strides on their journeys.

I am an open book now, now longer held captive by overwhelming and limiting feelings of embarrassment and insecurity. If anyone would like to further question me about this journey (and I hope many of you do) please do not hesitate.

 

Thanks so much for the congratulations brother. I have reached many personal goals and continue to reach my personal goals. And there lies the kicker. They are MY goals. MINE. Due to perhaps my age, my childhood experiences, my home life, my sexual tastes, my work life, my school life, the location I live in, my genetic background etc..; MY goals (I am almost certain) will differ from yours, just as your personal goals will differ from the next fapstronaut.

So for me, the time I spent away from this forum and other porn recovery programs like this cleared my head about the porn addiction I had and the multitude of problems and paranoias that come with it. I was able to truly ask no one but myself what I want and what I need out of this journey.
FYI, in order to continue, I need to share that during the time I stopped going on here I had Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction severely, extreme social anxiety, anger issues, and I always questioned where my true sexual preferences lie. I watched exclusively transgendered person/transwoman porn and sissy hypnosis videos. I now know this was a thrill that my brain was chasing and did not relate to my sexual preference (no more than an alcoholic beverage quenches the true thirst of an alcoholic). Once I realized my dopamine fixes were channeled THROUGH my porn consumption, but had NOTHING TO DO with what I romantically and sexually desired, it changed this whole game for me.

Now, to get to your inquiries ShutOut and Mathew (I got you, lol), I am a new man because I learned what I needed to do in order to reach my main goal of finding my true sexual preference. For about 2 years I tried to shut off my sexual urges and anything that came with it, associating them with the negativity I often felt. So, I would have mixed success with sometimes 75 days of PMO free, 45 days of PMO free, another 75 days of PMO free, sometimes only 14 days PMO free. No matter the streak of PMO free time, I would go back to it one way or another, (because you cannot, or should you, turn off your sexual side completely) feel terrible about it, and go right back to the "bad stuff" of sissy and transgendered person P.

Everything changed when I realized that cutting out my sexual self and PMO, wouldn't work for me. So, I got more specific and just cut out sissy and transgendered person porn. I don't allow myself to watch it, I don't allow myself to M to it or while thinking about it. I do, however, allow myself to watch "straight" or what I would consider my original and true preference of P. I even M and O to it. And you know what, it is doing WONDERS for me. Truly. I know that is heresy to say on here, but I am just explaining what is working for me. I know I will not always need this step and someday I want to cut out Pornography out of my life entirely.

Now, thanks to my entire journey my PIED has went away almost entirely, my nervousness is almost out the window, i know my true sexual preference and can feel within me the difference between actually wanting to act on my sexual desires and wanting a "fix" of dopamine and further the addiction cycle.

I hope this has helped some people (I know being this honest is helping me) and I also know that not everyone on here has drifted so far into porn that what they watch doesn't match their sexual preference, but I am SURE some of what I said can resonate with everyone.........Pick a goal for YOU. Leave your ego out of it. If it is a small goal that no one else has, but you KNOW it is what you need to do, then please do it.

I am still here for anymore questions or comments.
Thank you all.
Much Love.