Back Again... 25 YO / Things Have Taken a Negative Turn

S

Soloshank

New Fapstronaut
Hi Everyone,

I reluctantly used this forum originally after what felt like a lifetime of porn addiction, around the 2013-15 mark (if my memory serves correct). After many successful years, It appears I am back again.

I'm a 25 year old male who has been using porn on and off for around 15 years, the majority of my life at this point. Initially, it was extremely difficult to accept that the everyday use of porn was the reason for the negative effects I was facing. As we all know, this is one of the biggest battles and after around a year of toying with the idea, I created an account.

I have been faced with a vast array of negative effects from my usage including:
  • Lack of Concentration
  • Brain Fog
  • Lack of Confidence
  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • PIED
  • SOCD
  • Gender Dysphoria (most recently)
I have been through it all, beating it time and time again! I have yet again fallen off the wagon and this seems much more serious than previous attempts and this is the reason I am here today.

My preference of porn has gradually changed overtime, as I imagine is the case for the majority of people here. The reason for this last relapse is the most concerning -
Sissy Hypno/Bimboification
; resulting in me questioning my own sexuality, gender and my place in society, even getting the point where I have signed up for trans meet up websites and actively researching how I could start the process. It is crazy how my entire core has been shaken from only being back on porn since the start of the pandemic.

I'm in a relationship with a woman I love dearly. She knows I have struggled with Porn in the past but this time she is pretty clueless, unless she has noticed my reduced libido and not mentioned anything.

I am determined for this to be my last fall off (although I know this probably don't be the case) but the amount of usage seriously needs to reduce and I need a good reboot to get me back to 100%.

I am going to try a 90 Day NOPM and document my journey - this will be starting from today!

Thanks for reading,
 
Soloshank said:
Hi Everyone,

I reluctantly used this forum originally after what felt like a lifetime of porn addiction, around the 2013-15 mark (if my memory serves correct). After many successful years, It appears I am back again.

I'm a 25 year old male who has been using porn on and off for around 15 years, the majority of my life at this point. Initially, it was extremely difficult to accept that the everyday use of porn was the reason for the negative effects I was facing. As we all know, this is one of the biggest battles and after around a year of toying with the idea, I created an account.

I have been faced with a vast array of negative effects from my usage including:
  • Lack of Concentration
  • Brain Fog
  • Lack of Confidence
  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • PIED
  • SOCD
  • Gender Dysphoria (most recently)
I have been through it all, beating it time and time again! I have yet again fallen off the wagon and this seems much more serious than previous attempts and this is the reason I am here today.

My preference of porn has gradually changed overtime, as I imagine is the case for the majority of people here. The reason for this last relapse is the most concerning -
Sissy Hypno/Bimboification
; resulting in me questioning my own sexuality, gender and my place in society, even getting the point where I have signed up for trans meet up websites and actively researching how I could start the process. It is crazy how my entire core has been shaken from only being back on porn since the start of the pandemic.

I'm in a relationship with a woman I love dearly. She knows I have struggled with Porn in the past but this time she is pretty clueless, unless she has noticed my reduced libido and not mentioned anything.

I am determined for this to be my last fall off (although I know this probably don't be the case) but the amount of usage seriously needs to reduce and I need a good reboot to get me back to 100%.

I am going to try a 90 Day NOPM and document my journey - this will be starting from today!

Thanks for reading,
Click to expand...

Check out my story here

https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?t...-ending-trust-me-read-the-whole-thing.294820/
 
Great share. Very honest and insightful. Thanks for that. It helps remind me of the need to be brutally honest with myself, as I work to break free from this age old problem.

Thanks and welcome to Nofap!
 
What you have described process of desensitization. Porn basically works like a drug, and what happens is that as you continue to use porn, your brain becomes numb to porn and it results in you going to harsher and more rough categories. You mentioned going to sissy/hypno porn; this is very common for porn addicts. You went and found (that's right, found) sissy porn by accident really; others went and found transwoman, incest, beastiality, etc. Often times, the addict does this in "haze" caused by the drugs affects, not even fully knowing what they are watching half the time. I speak this from experience; I started watching porn around 12-13 years old, and I went to incest porn very quickly. It was only quite recently I realized what it was I was even watching. Like it took me nearly 7 years to realize it. Like I'm telling you, this is a VERY common process.

The process of desensitization can be reversed by just stopping porn; as time goes on, the brain will begin to heal and you'll lose the taste for it. DO NOT CUT DOWN PORN; go cold turkey and stop completely.

Also are you getting help for your SOCD? Check out a guy on youtube called Nathan Peterson, he's got alot of helpful videos about this kind of stuff.
 
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