Back down the rabbit hole

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by sclguy, Nov 9, 2021.

  1. sclguy

    sclguy Fapstronaut

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    For months, I thought I was about to kick this habit and develop a healthier sexuality.

    This summer, I fell back into the rabbit hole... probably as hard as I've ever done. I've visited escorts, wasted my time on porn websites, drank myself numb... basically I did the exact opposite of healing from my sex addiction.

    This weekend I hit rock bottom. After a week of porn, cam websites and getting horny about the endless possibilities dating apps offer, I once again threw myself into a night long alcohol binge.

    The results. I visited an escort. And not satisfied, went on to visit yet another one.

    The day after was "fun," with feelings of shame hugging me all day. That's when I swore off porn and escorts and all that crap...

    ...except right now, when I should be working (from home, thankfully), I'm wasting my time on porn. All day long.

    Help me! :(
     
    learning likes this.
  2. learning

    learning Fapstronaut

    Do you have the option to work at your office instead of at home? That might help.
     
  3. sclguy

    sclguy Fapstronaut

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    No, i don't.
     
  4. You could make a meeting. Find yourself a good men’s group.
     
  5. WildEntheology

    WildEntheology Fapstronaut

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    Have you considered seeking professional help? Also what about website blockers?
     
  6. sclguy

    sclguy Fapstronaut

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    Website blockers don't work. I just disactivate them.

    There aren't any such meetings in the area I live right now. And yes, I have considered seeking professional help but can't afford it atm.

    I obviously relapsed (to porn) yesterday. But I've woken up with a hint of determination. I need to overcome this and turn my life around.

    I have already sabotaged my 20s. I don't want to do the same with my present and future.
     
  7. OhWhenThe

    OhWhenThe Fapstronaut

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    Some can't be turned off or worked around, find a better one. For a long time I didn't use blockers either but I think part of the reason was that deep down I couldn't completely close the door on porn. Now I've removed that possibility there's no temptation there as I know I can't access any of it, well not on this device anyway. Whilst it's true that you can't solely rely on blockers, they are an extra tool to fight this with. I recommend Cold Turkey if you're on PC.
     
    WildEntheology likes this.
  8. jw2021

    jw2021 Fapstronaut

    You are not alone. I started P at 11, PMO at 15. I had a 25 year PMO habit. These are things that have helped me are,

    1. I made a firm decision to quit
    2. I joined this forum
    3. I wrote out on a piece of paper what I want in my life and exactly how I want to live. I read these statements daily.
    4. I come on this forum often (about 2 times a day) and I read and post to others
    5. I joined one of the groups in the "accountability partners" section.
    6 I joined in one of the challenges under the "Events and Challenges" section.
    7 I have specific members who inspire me that I follow their journals on a daily basis
     
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  9. WildEntheology

    WildEntheology Fapstronaut

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    Yeah you just have to be resourceful enough. I have blockers on my computer as well, but I could pretty easily get passed them if I wanted to. The trick is that blockers allow you to slowly build up will power. Issues with youtube, porn, news, netflix, and social media? Pick the least harmful one and keep that unblocked. Learn to work through the desire to use it. Once you've got that down, unblock something else.

    The sad fact is that the internet is one of the most addictive things that exist for two reasons (and likely more):
    1. I believe I first heard this from Daniel Schmachtenberger (hilarious name). The algorithms that websites use to keep your attention are more powerful than the algorithms that beat Kasparov at chess in 1997. Think about that. How much better is Kasparov at chess, than you are at controlling your attention? And you are now facing an opponent even better than the one Kasparov lost against. You think you can control your attention when that's who you're fighting? Really? And now you think you can control your attention when you're not fighting 1 website, but several? The delusion is thinking there is something wrong with you for not being able to control yourself. Most people are completely deluded about their internet use. Don't be one of them.
    2. Our generations grew up with the internet. That means we've had these powerful algorithms controlling our attention through our most neuroplastic years. When are brains were at their most malleable, they were being shaped and formed by these algorithms. And now you're trying to break out of these patterns? Good fucking luck.
    Now that may have seemed very fatalistic, negative, and downright terrifyingly hopeless. If it didn't then you haven't really thought it through because it should terrify you. However, it is not hopeless. It just takes humility and time. Be humble enough to realize that you are up against a stronger opponent, and then do everything you can to get the upper hand. Over time you can free yourself from this garbage. It just takes time and effort.
     
    Last edited: Nov 10, 2021
    sclguy and An0nym0use1234 like this.
  10. Can someone pls explain what is rabbit hole? I read it everywhere. How come that everybody uses the same term. Is this from the stupid childs movie "Alice in Wonderland"? Sorry this kind of annoys me...
     
  11. WildEntheology

    WildEntheology Fapstronaut

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    Yeah the rabbit hole is from Alice in Wonderland. It's basically a metaphor for getting lost in something. So if you're getting lost in video games, you're going down the rabbit hole. If you're getting lost in porn, you're going down the rabbit hole. It just means getting lost in something that is wasting your time or is crazy in some way.
     
    sclguy and virtuscb like this.
  12. You need a better porn blocker. Use Detoxify or some other porn blocker that's reasonably priced. Detoxify only costs $5 a month and has everything you need to not be able to access porn, it even has it's own VPN that can override other VPNs and blocks proxy sites as well. Plus you aren't able to turn it off without a pin (which you can randomize or have an accountability partner make for you). It's also cross platform. I would look into it.

    You also need to build better habits like cooking and going for a jog every morning. I find going outside helps a lot.
     
    sclguy and WildEntheology like this.
  13. sclguy

    sclguy Fapstronaut

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    First of all, thanks to everyone for the answers and advice.

    I've been thinking a lot in the last few days, and I know what my primary trigger is.

    Whenever I'm depressed, or someone or something upsets that's when my urge intensifies.

    The truth is I've fallen into this by using it mostly as a coping mechanism (the same way people use substances to cope with their problems).

    But how do I break this vicious circle. At this point it's as if, whenever I'm depressed or upset, some entity overtakes me, resorts to PMO, and after that I wake up as if I was dreaming... and it's too late.

    How do I take control of and avoid that (by now automatic) dreamlike state?
     

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