back from the wilderness...

i've had a bad month. i was fighting the good fight for a while, the occasional lapse here or there, but really engaged. then at a certain point last month, maybe even the month before (i'm not sure), i just gave in. i stopped trying to fight it. during this time i even convinced myself it was fine, it was what it was, i didn't care, it wasn't a big deal -- and this is from a guy who'd gone 12, 13 weeks clean at a time, who was really making progress on this thing.

not once during that time did i visit this community. every time i thought about coming on here, to read or post, i somehow couldn't make myself. i would just PMO and then go to sleep in shame. i'll post something tomorrow...

i'm here now. i need (NEED) to give myself a clean slate. i need to forgive and start over. and i also need the accountability of being in front of all of you. i fucked up, and now i'm back, i'm here, i DO care, it IS a big deal. this is day 0. tomorrow is day 1. it's back on.