Back Here After Long..

I

itsallme

Fapstronaut
Hey fapstronauts! its been a while since I ve logged into the nofap website. I dont know why that is but I ll tell u Guys that I ve come back more pathetic than how i had left. My streak intervals reduced drastically and now I m struggling to keep it under for a week. I ve joined for btech in a private institute cause I fckd up my grades by fapping to porn the day before final year exams, entrance exams. My gf moved out of state and we r struggling with the troubles of long distance relationship. I ve cheated her plenty by watching porn and fapping. She asks me to tell her everytime I fap so that she can help me, but I ve lied to her a lot after she moved out. So basically my relationship is half a lie.

I guess that ll be enough as a background on me. I ll share more as I post along.

About why I have come back here right now. I just PMOd after a week long streak. I was all set on rebuilding the relationship after she had come back to town for a few days. I could only go on for a mere 3 days after she left after Which I watched softcore porn and fapped. Right now I fear that if I dont make a plan I ll end up watching real porn and I ll mess up the little bit of honesty that I ve started showing to her recently. I really dont want to do that and I neee help guys.

I feel like i m such a beginner right now. So Please could some one share some links on a good read that ll get me kick-started on nofap seriously? My plan right now is to do a 7 day challenge and complete that and move up. Hope I can do it in the first try☺️
 
Relapsed guys .. should never have used my phone just before bed..i mean i never had anything to do and i was idly scrolling through Instagram..one thing led to another and then before i i knew i m on random pornsites

Learned a lesson now .. gonna apply that from tomorrow..NO PHONE AT BEDTIME! If its really important i ll set alarms reminding me to not wander off from my purpose...

Day 0...#nofaprules
 
I woke up with insane urges..i was thinking of pornstar names to search when i was waking up...but then when i was fully awake i quickly diverted my mind ...later on in the bathroom i thght of giving in...but then i thought where will this leave me..isnt this the same situation i ve found myself for weeks and weeks ..shouldnt i have learned anything by now? Do i want to report another pathetic relapse again?? That gave the knock that i needed and then i lost all my urges!! Like i defeated the animal mind!

Now when i think back i feel how silly the whole thing is...it was only a couple of minutes where i had to choose...but the decision is gonna affect a loooot longer than that..
ain't a lot of things like that...small decisions make a huge difference...

Haha Look at me..the frst time i control myself after a long time and i m preaching like crazy
yoo nofap power
 
I remember when i updated my status..i was really positive and full of life ..but right now i feel depressed and lost ..

I ve relapsed again ..and after half n hour later i did it again.. right now i feel tired, mentally dead and have lost hope..

Heres what happened:-

I ve beem doing workout from this app for the last few days...it sure did give results! I felt like i could conquer everything i dreamed of..and i never thought of porn or fapping cause all the energy was being channelled out i think.
But for the last 2 days i couldnt follow yhey routine and urges slowly started creeping in..i do acknowledge that its my own stupid thoughts are to blame for the urges i get..but still i feel that if id continued on i wouldnt have relapsed and maybe i ll get a good body as a bonus. But NOO..I HAD TO BE LAZY! And what did i earn ? A day full of regrets and a goal thats been pushed further away now.

I was sulking in the morning and went up on youtube and started watching random videos BIG MISTAKE!! I should have known that i ve got a wild fantasy and that i d search shit if im online without any purpose for a particular period of time. And before i knew i was watching nude girls swimming, posing doing all kinds of shit to waste the time and energy of poor teenage kids like me.. then so and so happened and i was fapping and later i was watching porn again thinking that it dont matter cause i already ruined the streak...but guys, it does matter and i feel a lot worse after the second time than the first time.

I ve got exams on monday and i ve wasted all morning on porn i know i m gonna regret it a lot more on the exam day...

Lessons learned:-
1) NEVER PROCASTINATE and always do what you have to do at the right moment (as the case of the workout app and studies)
2) ALWAYS CHANNEL THE EXTRA ENERGY BUILDING UP inside to something else like exercise or any other creative activity..
3) DON'T STAY ONLINE:- Being online without a purpose has always led me to relapse and i m sure the result will be the same , whatever situation one may be in..put a data limit,download phone use controlling apps..jst dont stay online..
4) REPORT RELAPSES :- this may sound silly but i feel that if i had reported relapse and typed all this shit when i relapsed the first time i wouldn't have did it again..or maybe better than that REPORT URGES!

Haha All this typing has set me in a lighter mood . I m gonna prepare for the exam harder now and i m gonna start a new streak by acknowledging my past mistakes..maybe some meditation will help too...

Comment if anyone has a different opinion on anything or any ideas on what i should do . If anyone feels that i m making mistakes still kindly tell me so i that i can improve.Thanks!
 
she's long gone man.. its been more than six months and she had blocked me after 2 months(without me ever texting or bothering her ) right after the breakup i was all better , I had a good streak for 60 something days and i was exercising and setting and accomplishing goals, life is indeed better now.. but this shit,pmo came back bro.. slowly and slowly it crept upon me , from 2020 September,from when i first relapsed after the breakup to today, its creeped upon me and has again destroyed everything that i build up after she left..like my positive mindset(which still remains a bit) ,the fetishes i overcomed like watching horror porn,bestiality,bondage etc( i used to suck my own dick and lick my own cum man!! now i ve come back to licking my cum again but haven't crossed to sucking , my exercise routine that i build-up has been ruined, and i struggle to keep a good streak again now..
2020 march was the time i got to a whole-time low of my existece and lost a beautiful relationship(for which i dont blame myself entirely now cause LDR sure added to the problems) ,and then i rose up and everyone told me i had changed. i even helped many people who were struggling back then.. but now its march 2021 and i find myself going back to the same hellhole i was in last year at the same time. right now i ve relapsed after a one day streak, so I've relapsed almost every 3-4 days this year except a 15 day streak from jan- feb( which started strong cause i accidentally saw her and that motivated me) ...
I type this now shamed and broken, head filled with stuff i ve done..I ve just watched a lot of porn ( which i searched up suddenly while i was reading the traffiking-hub post on nofap.com, which i opened to report my last relapse which was in the morning, just as i was running late to pick my lil brother from school ( i could've just waited a few more minutes??) and you know what? after watching porn and relapsing doing it twice, i wanked off to my ex's photo!! wow pathetic? isn't it?! i used to feel good about myself and had finally felt she had lost someone good, but now i feel like i totally deserved it and that she was right in leaving me cause i never change!!!!
i know the path i have to follow but i dont know why i m not doing it, i cant stay true to my goals cause i m constantly being distracted by social media( i ve uninstalled IG multiple times but i find something else always). I worked out in the morning, made a list of stuff i have to do today, but then i snapped my friends and got lost just like that..
oh god help me i m such a loser!!!
 
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