Back here again. Need to check in

I'm on psych meds too, mainly for depression. I think that with anything that can cause a dopamine release I need to be careful of too. At the same time it's also a normal process that without it I would constantly be depressed. I go to the gym and get the rewards from that, but I can see how it could become something obsessive for me. But I can keep it under control. I also get a release when I do something good at work, or eat something as a reward. I'm careful not to be too down on get a dopamine release from a lot of things because it's part of why I'm motivated to do many things in life. Without it I wouldn't get off my couch haha. I'd say most people in life aren't even aware of their reward system because they don't do most things to excess like us, so they don't have to think about it. They just notice they feel good and don't think much about why. I'm hyperaware of it because it's caused me pain. With PMO I've abused that reward system again and again, so it's going to take awhile for that to calm down. I think there's also something about chasing dopamine using PMO, and doing it in isolation, whereas that whole system when it comes to sex is design to be activated in having sex with someone, when you get oxytocin and all the other feel good chemicals. Anyhow, this is still something that I have to explore more too as a transition to a life of having sex with people haha

 

Haven't been posting here as much as I need to.

Almost relapsed on P just now. Had the strongest craving I've had so far. Doing searches for innocent things sometimes leads to results that are triggering. It's been 5 months no P. I don't want to ruin that!

Haven't MO'd for 16 days, but I'm in the danger zone as this is the point where I usually want to do it, and I do right now. But I know the effects of it afterwards can last a few days. It's just not worth it.

I need to channel this sexual energy into getting an actual partner! This isolation thing isn't working for me anymore.