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Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by stanza88, Nov 9, 2022.

  1. stanza88

    stanza88 Fapstronaut

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    Hi to everybody!
    I gave up on counting long time ago but i think I'm almost hitting the year without PMO. During this year I had to work a lot on myself, obliged by the end of the relationship i though was the "one". I had therapy for almost 9 months and discovered how my sexual behaviors were linked with fears and situations in my past. I learned how to analyze my thoughts, my horniness, my approach with others human...and a lot more.
    Life demanded me to leave my "safe area" once again in my life and i moved from Germany to Australia.
    Now that I'm facing the new challenges of moving in a new place; i allowed myself to use Tinder and another kinky website in order to make new connections.
    And there it was, hidden behind my year of self-discovered and work on myself ,the demon that ruined my life.
    This time has been different, I acknowledge it, studied it and a few days ago rejected it.
    Has been hard and I've been really close to PMO again but I didn't and for me this experience has been another valuable lesson for the future.
    Sharing this with you guys give me mental strength, by hoping to help at least some of you.
    If i would had fail, I would anyway analyzed it and take it as a valuable lesson anyway without forgetting all the progress I've made in my life.
    Probably this is a long-term battle and just when we start to feel comfortable we could fail again the most, doesn't matter if after a week, a month or a year. So don't give up, be kind with yourself and keep fight back
     
  2. mondays_suck

    mondays_suck Fapstronaut

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    I'm impressed by the streak, still wouldn't encourage to use Tinder, maybe I've been flaked on a lot but IMO it's far better to hit a bar and genuinely hit up on a group of stangers that look approachable. You being a literal foreigner is enough to pick their interest for long enough to break the ice and make that first impression. You might get to know places and local life tips you had no idea about, perhaps even make friends since you're going to stay there.

    ____________________________________________________________
    Also, idk if they fixed this, uninstalled Tinder over a year ago but there was a way to swipe that limited your exposure (to surge of stranger photos) to the maximum.

    Memorize the number of "people that like you" before you swipe, say 7, they are probably out of your area so they won't appear on your deck. You might need to swipe a bit for the server to see you as active but only 1st time.

    If that number of likes goes up, well it means that someone swiped you right. The goal is to dig that person out of the card deck.

    First girls is always a fake Tinder setup, probably the hottest girl they have, also the most picky, so statistically it's never a match. It's designed to hook people the moment they open the app, dopamine trick, so spare yourself the fantasy.

    Back when I used Tinder, if there was ANY fresh like received, that girl was always 2nd in deck, right under the fakie.

    If it still works, the way to go is open app->swipe left->swipe right->reset the app(force stop)->repeat, until the likes number goes back to that baseline.

    Tinder tracks swiping behavior and chat traffic, even if they don't admit it, to advertise you further as a "hot deal", so with 50-50 swipe balance and starting the conversation with everyone you match (you can always unmatch them, really) you can be propelled into that tinder gold daily picks or whatever they pluck they have now.
     
    Last edited: Nov 9, 2022
    stanza88 likes this.
  3. stanza88

    stanza88 Fapstronaut

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    Man, you are a Tinder's shark XD ....anyway i already deleted the account and I'll be focused more on the real life and approaches!
    I think trying to hookup with as much girl as possible it's a coping mechanism to deal with loneliness, but in the end the truth is that doesn't matter how many chicks i see every week, it's not the right answer.
     
  4. DTournesol

    DTournesol Fapstronaut

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    Congrats on your year-long streak of abstaining from porn, and for dealing with urge to return!

    I think many people here can empathize with the struggle of this journey, which includes a lot of introspection and learning. And for this reason, I often worry about the possibility of such 'relapse', even after months or years of abstinence and recovery.

    Could you elaborate more on how this demon returned, and how it was different? I can imagine how Tinder or a kinky website can progressively allow such thing, as I've tried them during my recovery with negative consequences, but I'd like to read your perspective, after 1 year of abstinence (I imagine you were abstinent from dating apps as well?)
     
  5. stanza88

    stanza88 Fapstronaut

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    Hi,
    yes, i've been without any dating app for around 10 months (the time where i worked on myself the hardest), but in the last of them i had a relationship with a really nice girl met in real life. We both knew i would had to move abroad so it was kind of a timed sort of thing.
    After i moved, i definitely felt the lack of sex, where before , thank to the relationship it was present daily. I thought i could have been ready to try again with dating app, but it has been like a downhill; where you start to roll slower and then accelerate constantly since you going down so fast that it's difficult to stop (i downloaded Tinder, then another one, then a third one, then a kinky website). During the fall i told myself that i could stop whenever i wanted, until i found myself almost edging. Then I realized I was not in control anymore and I stopped, I analyzed the situation and I realized i should act as fast as possible and in a drastic way. I deleted all of them, filling up the time with meditation and reading and after a few days my mind is clear and focused again.
    I'm not sure if the trigger has been the moving, the end of the relationship, the stress to be in a new country or all them together. I'm still trying to find it out and be ready for the next time.
     
  6. ChangingMyLife2

    ChangingMyLife2 Fapstronaut

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    Good job! If that “another kinky web site” is what I’m thinking of, it’s worse than porn imo. Seeing multiple photos at once, seemingly “normal” girls doing the slootiest things one could imagine, the constant scrolling to see new stuff. Messed me up bad
     

  7. I used Tinder for a few months back in the day and it was a complete waste of time, one app that i tried that was even worse was Zoosk. Not to mention its $15 a fuckin month or even more expensive now.

    Most profiles I saw on Tinder were so unrealistic and the photo's looked unreal like they were sharper and crystal clear to attract guys. Unrealistic sl*tty looking Woman to.

    I remember I messaged this gamer girl, we had almost everything in common on our profiles, she messaged me once and I simply asked her "What games are you really into at the moment I saw we have some in common". No further messages. Either in my mind this girl was fake or she didn't give a crap about Tinder or already had a man, or... Cared more about video games and was socially awkward. But I never would of guessed.

    I had been listening to this podcast and one of the main guys set up a Tinder and unfortunately is still unsuccessful. Big waste of time..
     
  8. DTournesol

    DTournesol Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for your response.

    I'm in a similar situation with you. I'm afraid that dating and dating apps will put me on a mode of searching for sex. And even without edging, sex itself can lead you back to the addiction, if it's approached compulsively (that was my experience last time I dated).

    Did you have any symptoms during that relationship? (e.g. long chaser effect, flatline, etc.) I think this is a good indication on how far we have recovered.

    I understand that being in a foreign country can be hard and lonely at the beginning, so trying to use dating apps seems quite natural to me. But I guess you have to be very careful about how you use them, when and why. I'm sure all of these factors you mention contribute to stress and negative emotions.

    What's important to me, is that after few days of clearing your mind, you managed to control it and return to a healthy baseline.

    Keep going forward!
     
  9. stanza88

    stanza88 Fapstronaut

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    I'm speaking about FL....i don't know if we are speaking about the same one
     
    ChangingMyLife2 likes this.
  10. stanza88

    stanza88 Fapstronaut

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    Not really, during that relationship any symptoms disappeared, but i mean, it has been a really short and intensive relationship; so I think it's pretty normal. Anyway, about when and why for the dating apps, i definitely tried to master them but nothing ; i could follow my own rules for a few days and then i would brake them. So, probably it's too early or it's something that I should avoid forever. Honestly, who cares, but in the past they have been a great way to get some dates and they still are.
     
  11. ChangingMyLife2

    ChangingMyLife2 Fapstronaut

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    Yep. I think it was horrible for my brain
     
    stanza88 likes this.

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