E31
Fapstronaut
Hey there lovely people,
I've been on here before and made some progress, but the 3 years in between dealt me some blows.
The problematic behaviours worsened again until i finally found myself in the darkest place I've ever been in.
The combination of binging and edging all kinds of P, visual and audio(the ones that are suggesting to f* your brain up) and taking all sorts of drugs for a week was building up to a grand finale.
With the release came all the emotions that I've tried to escape from, all the loneliness, all the fear.
And let me tell you, 3 am, alone in your flat on a weekend and a lot of drugs including a good amount of acid in your brain... lets say there are better places to have such revelations
What followed was a psychotic breakdown, anxiety with panic attacks over the roof, one of which ended in a hospital, and a severe existential crisis.
That was a few months ago and I finally started to feel a bit better until I stumbled upon the weed and toys I've stashed away after the experience...
You all know the following train of thought.. well one more time before i throw it away, just a quick one, it's only getting off, not a big deal...
...Hello and welcome back dear anxiety...
Now I'm more than determined to turn this boat around for good. I'm not ending up in a mental hospital or god knows where because of any addiction. I know I've already climbed out of the deepest pit and nothing can take that away from me. I'm smarter than this.
I've finally managed to get myself a therapist, I've installed every site blocking softwear i could get (leech block and cold turkey blocker are my favorite free ones check them out!) I'll get back to making music as much as possible and I'll be participating in this lovely community again.
Thanks for reading this "short" Intro and hit me up if you want to talk or want an Ap.
All the love, all the power!
I've been on here before and made some progress, but the 3 years in between dealt me some blows.
The problematic behaviours worsened again until i finally found myself in the darkest place I've ever been in.
The combination of binging and edging all kinds of P, visual and audio(the ones that are suggesting to f* your brain up) and taking all sorts of drugs for a week was building up to a grand finale.
With the release came all the emotions that I've tried to escape from, all the loneliness, all the fear.
And let me tell you, 3 am, alone in your flat on a weekend and a lot of drugs including a good amount of acid in your brain... lets say there are better places to have such revelations
What followed was a psychotic breakdown, anxiety with panic attacks over the roof, one of which ended in a hospital, and a severe existential crisis.
That was a few months ago and I finally started to feel a bit better until I stumbled upon the weed and toys I've stashed away after the experience...
You all know the following train of thought.. well one more time before i throw it away, just a quick one, it's only getting off, not a big deal...
...Hello and welcome back dear anxiety...
Now I'm more than determined to turn this boat around for good. I'm not ending up in a mental hospital or god knows where because of any addiction. I know I've already climbed out of the deepest pit and nothing can take that away from me. I'm smarter than this.
I've finally managed to get myself a therapist, I've installed every site blocking softwear i could get (leech block and cold turkey blocker are my favorite free ones check them out!) I'll get back to making music as much as possible and I'll be participating in this lovely community again.
Thanks for reading this "short" Intro and hit me up if you want to talk or want an Ap.
All the love, all the power!