Back on the wagon

Well, here I am again – I actually started NoFap a few months ago, but had a serious relapse and am only now getting back on the wagon, so to speak. I realize that I can't do this on my own, so I'm hoping to use the forum and all you other guys to help keep me on track.

Just quickly about myself – I'm 34 years old and completely addicted. I know I shouldn't be looking at porn or doing any of the related "activities" but the compulsive nature of the whole thing always seems to override my willpower. It has taken up so much of my time over the last 15 years of my life that I almost can't bear to think about it. But to put the numbers down on paper, I've probably spent 1 hour or more browsing porn, almost every day for the past 15 years, which comes out to almost 5,500 hours. Divide that by 8 and you get 660 or so eight-hour workdays obliterated by porn use. 2 years worth of a full-time job. I basically could've earned another degree during that time… I'm not going to be myself over the head about it, but it's pretty unbelievable. And it needs to stop.

Anyway, I started using porn pretty hard-core when I 1st got to college back in 1998 – the dorm I moved into just happened to be the 1st one on campus that had a high-speed Internet connection, and, well, the rest is history. Even with roommates and whatnot I managed to find ways to fap at least once a day. Then when I graduated and got my own place, it turned into a once or twice a day habit. I got married 8 years ago, and although my wife knows that I fap now and then, I don't think she has any idea about the real extent of my problem. I don't think I have the courage to talk to her about it now (I sort of brought it up a fewer years ago and her reaction was pretty bad, so there's some psychological trauma there), so I'm sort of going to have to go this alone. That's why I'm here.

For me, I don't think there's any such thing as "middle ground" – at this point, I think it's all or nothing. So I'm opting for the nothing route. Anyway, thanks for reading, and I'll see you guys on the forums.