Bad and over-thinking pattern

Every fapstronuants definitely have experienced this kind of pattern . I also want to change avoid it. Right now, i just found one method effective. Mediatation
but problem with meditation is it takes lots of time to see its result.

 

Everything takes lots of time go give results. This is the most unnerving thing for Fapstronauts - we are used to instant gratification and yet the world doesn't work like that. I struggle with patience a lot for that matter. I KNOW at an intelectual level that it doesn't work like that, but still I WANT everything to happen at the snap of a finger.

 

I definitely recognize those thought patterns! In my ignorance I thought I was the only one. It is this weird desire to be a hero and to be widely recognized and praised. It is like I have this core wound where, deep down, I feel totally insecure and worthless. I need safety and I need affirmation from others that I'm doing the right thing or that I'm "cool" and a "badass". And since I don't feel I get that in real life I simulate it over and over again in my head through daydreams.

The questions for me is, how do I access that core wound and heal it? I agree that meditation is key.

 

THIS is the question.

I think meditation does help, I am much more aware of myself now than I was 3 months ago (when I started meditating), but I feel that I'm constantly just scratching the surface.

 

I think this thread contains significant information that has aided me greatly in my recovery. Respect to the OP. IMHO, after a little more consideration, identifying these patterns is the first step of a crucial element of recovery and healing. More specifically, I think what the OP has insightfully observed the manner in which at least my mind responds to adversity and conflict.

For example, I was just insulted yesterday by a friend via text. It was a playful jest but a little too mean at the same time. It stung my feelings. My mind responded by first replaying the conversation in my mind and suggesting responses that would have "hit" back with a revenge insult. Then my mind suggested a fantasy. It was one I typically go to. When that fantasy came up, I realized that was how my mind comforts itself: by fantasizing and ultimately pointing me towards seeking sexual pleasure/escaping reality TO THE EXCLUSION OF OTHER BETTER METHODS OF COPING, like say achieving my goals to train MMA or work on my hobbies.

I have spent the last 20 years fantasizing and escaping reality to cope with pain. By the grace of God have I not self-destructed completely.

This what NoFap means to me now, staying in reality, feeling my pain, and consciously coping with it in a healthy way.

Thanks OP and all. Grateful for this realization.