Badlands start treating us good

Checking in:

I thought it was 90 days required to post in Success Stories, it has been 30 days since I can really say I hit bottom. It doesn't really matter anymore, the days, what matters is that it is over, the 'dragon doesn't live here anymore'. I have had years with no porn, no seeking behaviour, even up to 8 years when I was younger. Two years nothing, one year, four years, then some period of reckless seeking, porn was always a part of those bad moments.

Exploring my sexuality was one thing, but that is different. That involved being honest with people, expressing my feelings and sharing with others my experiences openly. The other, the porn, the isolation, obsessiveness, and the rejection of others while just trying to get 'high', that was death.

For me now it is about positiveness and focus on future goals. The more I do that everyday, porn becomes less and less of an issue, it all becomes easier. Now it seems 'strange', like, 'Why would anyone want to do that or look at that shit?' I know the part of me that would be tempted, when I am tired, bored, need a break, or even feel slightly depressed, hopeless or happy and want to celebrate. It was a pattern off and on in my life, it isn't any more. And it never will be again. That is over.

That said, everyday is a challenge, to become my best, to think of others and do for them, to reach out and talk, be honest, find good ways to deal with too much sitting, online working and just feeling, everyday, every moment.

The boss said it: 'Badlands, you got to live everyday, let the broken hearts stand, its the price you got to pay, keep pushing till its understood and these badlands start treating us good'.

It is a challenge, as life is, but the option to check out is gone, the door doesn't exist anymore. I am more than appreciative of that, it took a long time to finally get it, but I got it. I am appreciative also for the community of men who have had the courage to take on the beast, defeat it and share their struggle. Thanks.



Now, the big mountain, love and happiness, onward.

More power to you all.

J