Ballbusting

I can tell you I still feel some arousal thinking of getting my testicles battered but thank God and his mother the Virgin Mary that I'm able to abstain from these temptations.

Spoiler: Ballbusting consequences on me

Due to the battering and other ballbusting stuff I've now got varicocele which translates into worse testicular performance. Also, one of my testes often rolls (front part facing backwards).

 

I actually had a little fetish for that a pmoed with that a couple of times but it was really porn inducted sincr it looks painful and i dont get excited with pain

 

sadism and masochism are a feedback loop IMO. by accepting a woman to do this to you\watching it, youre allowing her to ruin herself(her mind,her Being)by allowing her to be a sadist. and sadism is a serious pathology, which may even if not always, translate to killing animals for example.
so, I dont think the "sadist" and the "masochism" are opposite poles. each has 50% of each other. thats my take.

 

Hi mate, sounds bittersweet. You're very conscious of what's going on with urges, but they still get in your way all the same.

I was recommended to look into a way of dealing with long term issues recently. There's a book called 'Reinventing your Life' which talks about 'life traps' or schema therapy.

I found in my case that a lack of emotional support as a child may have given me the story that I'm unworthy. Fast forward a few chapters on theory and case examples... It seems I can find cold and uncaring women more attractive than caring, emotionally generous types. Unfortunately, this can lead to unhealthy relationships, or mostly avoidance of relationships in my case.

I see this day to day as well. An attractive women can treat me kindly, and I have mild interest. A similar looking woman can be rude or bossy with me and I feel twice the attraction.

And it seems to be a process to be mindful of red flags and give the right women a chance, while changing our story as well.

Food for thought. I wonder if there could be a similar long term underlying story in your case too?

 

Those are good insights for both types of women. I do think just being aware of what's making us tick in the subconscious with each personality type is half the battle won.

The book definitely mentioned reliving trauma for a sense of control as well. Apparently it's useful when we're young to protect us, but we end up putting ourselves in situations as an adult that more or less recreate the issue (even if it looks a bit different through a fetish for example).

That part you mention about mean girls being a challenge is a good insight in itself I think. There's countless examples of couples where they just fight over nothing and from the outside it seems pointless, but both people are probably attending to underlying cravings to reinforce their story.

Also curious, have you seen a counsellor/therapist for this recently? Perhaps talking with someone and bringing up these new insights could clear things up even more.

 

In my opinion I think your changing views on it is definitely progress!

I've started to recoil away from femdom videos now. In recent months I just don't look them up. Now I'm starting to turn away from hardcore scenes as well. In the last few weeks I've almost exclusively just used solo female pictures.

While that's still all porn, it's attached with less and less shame for me. And I think this is helping me communicate better with people in the real world.

It's probably some combination of addressing our underlying issues, and finding healthy replacements like flirting with and dating the right women, that may help us leave this cycle behind!

 

I couldn't help but weigh in on this topic, as someone who has also struggled with and participated In/with this fetish activity over the years.

It still gets me too, and is one that I've yet to kick (excuse the pun )

I'm not sure if it's been raised somewhere in this reasonably long thread, but the problem I have found is the morality pendulum with the fetish. I am still haunted by some videos where it basically is assault and grevious bodily harm. Some of the videos out there are just harrowing!

The dilemma is that, it can be sensual, it can be playful, it can be very exciting with the right playmate. I imagine the high from it is a bit llike what a boxer or UFC fighter must feel: never knowing exactly what they're gonna get, apart from they know there will be pain and adrenaline with certainty.

But for me, I don't really wanna watch 99% of the videos any more because they are psychologically damaging to the watcher, and for me in many ways they totally 100% go against my better nature and moral ccompass. Nearly all of them are stylised in a very negative way, and have the potential to fuck your mind! Like, if someone just watched videos or people getting beating up, questions would be asked...

@Phallosopher I too feel exactly the same in that I simply couldnt imagine doin this activity with my gf. Buuuut, I still am excited by the thought of doing it with a girl who fits the profile of those In the videos I've seen. It's a real head fuck of a fetish.

For the record, spoiler alert: its definitely not as enjoyable to experience as watching lol.

This whole thread is fully of triggers, but I apologise if anyone is triggered by my comments.

An interesting post and debate in any case!

 

I'm on FetLife (interestingly, I was one of the first few hundred to join). But I haven't been there for over a year. Sometimes I think about closing my account (there are naked pictures of me in my profile), other times I think of checking it out for old time sake.

Probably best to just let it wither away in cyberspace.

IMO, if you are really into the lifestyle, it's a good way to meet people. It's best used for finding out about local munches and events and then go! It is NOT a place to find recovery. And, if you find yourself on there just browsing for titilating topics and looking at photos, then its porn, and it will bring you nothing but short term pleasure that will gradually take you to dark places and corrode your brain.

 

Also, I might have shared this on this thread already, but . . .
My last PMO relapse was ball busting, over two years ago. After 9 months struggling in a PMO relapse I was down to one image still on my phone - a GIF of a guy

Spoiler: Trigger Warning

getting his balls slapped by a woman, just once, right as he'd started to cum

I watched that one image, feeling shame for getting triggered and compulsively masturbating earlier at work, and slapped my own balls . . . until I ejaculated.

It was shame driven self harm.

After that, I deleted that last image and haven't had porn on my phone since. It scared me to ball slapping might turn into a new form of masturbation for me and that I might go down the rabbit hole into ball busting videos, potentially doing real damage to my nuts.

Since then, I have had one moment where I had a really bad day at work, where I had been treated badly, and I MO'd on the drive home by whacking my nuts through my pants until the O happened.

That was over a year ago. It's a dangerous path we tread. I hope that you don't hurt yourself and that you can find peace.

 

If this encompasses the fetish or if the fetish means damaging or hitting your genitals, then the fetish can make you sterile. You can lower or lose your ability to create offspring, by damaging or injuring your testicles.

This fetish also seems to be sadomasochistic. Sadomasochism can be dangerous sex because it can cause injuries or internal injuries. These can increase the chance of infection or STIs. These can also be abused as "evidence" for false rape or domestic violence accusations.

 

You were really a man out here busting your balls that sounds so fictional to me but I’m glad you stopped

 

I had all sorts of fetishes, including this one. Over time when you stay away from PMO and porn in general and replace it with a real relationship and a healthy sex life you'll find that you begin to forget and not care for those fetishes anymore, the key is to stay away from viewing it and start allowing your brain to desensitize from all of it. Allow your brain heal and gear your sexuality towards healthy things.

People have had fetishes and addictions to them and gotten over them many times before.