Battling emotions? Read this

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Single Palm Change, Dec 22, 2017.

  1. Single Palm Change

    Single Palm Change Fapstronaut

    Battling negative emotions

    Some of us have problems with negative emotions: Self-hate. Worry. Sorrow. Frustration and anger, apathy, hopelessness, feeling like a zombie, and many more.

    These are things that happen because the mind is out of sync with the body.

    By the mind I mean the conscious "thought-maker" that comments verbally on everything we do, the thing most of us identify with as being "who we are".

    By the body I mean the physical body, but also the nervous system and the subconscious brain. As many of you know, the sub-conscious brain can perform billions of tasks every second, whereas the mind, the verbal thought, the "I" can only think of a few things at a time.

    So what do I mean with the mind is out of sync with the body?
    I mean that everytime we experience a negative emotion, it is a sign that the body knows something that the mind doesn't want to acknowledge. This is creating a feedback loop, just like a microphone in front of a speaker.

    For example, frustration.
    What is going on? We know that we are frustrated, because the mind is racing with thoughts, trying to justify or explain the feeling. We act out, blaming people or things around us for making us feel this way. But this doesn't help - we're still frustrated. The body is tightening muscles and making weird facial contractions. The mind is pretending for itself that these weird faces are on purpose.

    So what is really going on?
    The mind is misunderstanding the body. The body is expressing the emotions and sending signals on every level (except the verbal level), and the conscious mind doesn't understand the signals. It tries to make up for this embarassing ignorance by making up a story to fit with the perceived experience (this happens in real time, and is scientifically proven)

    But why doesn't the mind understand the body?
    Why can't we just get along and communicate? Why does the mind pretend that it is in control of the facial tension? Why does the mind pretend that it knows why things are happening, when it clearly doesn't?

    Because of preconceived notions. You can call them bias, or beliefs. The conscious mind has a way of explaining things that fit with what we "know", what we believe to be true. And this is very limiting for us, especially when the body is sending signals that don't fit our beliefs.

    A negative emotion is a sign that the mind has a belief that is not in accord with reality.

    So, what is a better way to handle these negative emotions?
    Knowing that the emotions come from a miscommunication is alright, but it doesn't really help in the moment.

    We need a practical method.
    We need to honor the emotion in itself.
    We need to feel it.
    We need to express it.
    We need to give it the freedom and love it needs.
    We need to give it the time it needs.
    We need to listen to it.
    We need to be humble and not try to explain it away.
    We need to be patient and not try to supress it with tension.

    The emotions are a part of us and need love and attention, just like our mind, our personality and our body and limbs.

    The mind will try to explain it away. The body will try to use tension and block it from being expressed. All this is because we have conscious (mind) and subconscious (body) BIAS that is telling us that negative emotions are bad and need to be expelled.

    But I promise you, that if you take the time to set your judgments aside and express the negative emotion you are feeling as completely as you are able, it will go away afterwards!

    Have you ever had a positive emotion that didn't go away? No, right?
    Positive emotions are great because they resolve themselves effortlessly. They resolve themselves because we give them freedom and cherish them.

    I want to end this by saying that the joy of living, the silent steady and contended joy that comes from a harmonious life is not an emotion. It's the human standard. It's what we can all live as the basic state of being alive. We can all experience this joy everyday. Let's do it!

    note: This thread is for people who are having a hard time with heavy negative emotions that don't go away by themselves. It's not about wallowing in self-pity, or strenghtening and holding on to negative emotions. It's about letting them go.
    Last edited: Dec 22, 2017
    GiantPanda likes this.
  2. Single Palm Change

    Single Palm Change Fapstronaut

    You could also do this light mental exercise: repeat for yourself: "I am accepting all my emotions in this present moment. Right now, I feel ______ (sadness for example). I am aware of this sadness. I accept the presence of this sadness. It's alright to be sad. I take full responsibility for this sadness. It's alright" Do this for 5 or 10 minutes and just accept everything that pops up.
    I came up with this technique a few weeks ago when I was very emotional and couldn't fall asleep. It has helped me tremendously since.
    After 10 minutes, the emotions naturally calm down. After a few days of doing it, it's like something starts to work automatically, without me actively doing anything. So highly recommended.
  3. Recovering PA

    Recovering PA Fapstronaut

    This really resonates with me. Throughout my life i have tried to disconnect with my emotions because of pain both physical and emotional. i have always faught against it and build barriers but it makes sense with what i have also learnt and practised through meditation. I need to own mt emotions as you do.

    I had a nightmare about my failing relationship tonight which is why i'm up at half 5 reading. I dreamt that my current Fiance was at a sporting event i competed at (something she failed to do whilst together) at the finish line and congratulate me. The thing that hurt was she was happy not being with me and her absent father was also there who i hugged, apologised to and cried in his arms. I have never felt this hopeless and am fearful for the future. Its not that i fear being alone its just that i am in love and my addiction is destroying it.
    Single Palm Change likes this.
  4. Single Palm Change

    Single Palm Change Fapstronaut

    I'm glad that you found my post useful.

    Yeah, strong dreams can really make you feel weird and moody. I've had a lot of that lately. I find that I just have to get up and get started with my day and my routine, and the moodiness goes away.
    Recovering PA likes this.

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