Be at peace with being single

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by HippyMinstrel, May 3, 2015.

  1. Nomorelosttime

    Nomorelosttime Fapstronaut

    198
    85
    28
    Hear Hear @mumchance ! Well said!

    I agree with you that addicts do not "deserve" a significant other. Though there are many definitions for deserve, one of them is "am entitled to." No person is entitled to another person - that attitude is ownership - and it is the inner addict talking when we feel entitled to something. When we truly focus on the reboot we become a better person who has more to share with others in our life. When we can open ourselves up and share who we are with another person without feeling like we deserve or are entitled to a particular response from that person we become vulnerable - which the inner addict is afraid of. But that is exactly why we need to focus on the reboot and not on seeking fulfillment from another person.
     
    DannyCool, Kenji and HippyMinstrel like this.
  2. IGY

    IGY Guest

    mumchance:- I am guessing you chose your wording for effect - "You don't deserve a girlfriend"! In getting important information across it is sometimes necessary to be blunt. I am sure for many like myself, reading this had the desired effect and I agree with your premise. But it concerns me that there are some incredibly vulnerable guys on this forum. Some are suicidal because of the depravity that they have sampled. Your wording will have an effect on these also but the effect may well be tragic. :(

    Some feel so empty, so desperate, so hopeless and helpless that there may be a tragic effect. Please consider editing your words so they do not crush the fragile among us.
     
    ClearAsMud(Al) likes this.
  3. I was actually debating changing the wording earlier, but many people had already quoted that section so I decided to leave it. But I have no problem changing it. I truly believe that no woman deserves a PMO addict for an SO, so I think the wording is justified. Nevertheless, the point is to focus on your reboot, so I have edited it to reflect that. I hope that phrasing didn't effect you negatively, IGY.
     
    Kurapika likes this.
  4. IGY

    IGY Guest

    I think the edit is just right and thank you listening to my feedback. As I said, "for many like myself, reading this had the desired effect and I agree with your premise." So, it affected me positively, not negatively. But because of occasional crises I get with a serious and enduring mental illness, the original words would have a profound effect on me if I were already thinking in self-destructive terms. Even so, I was speaking from a place of empathy, not for myself (because I know I don't deserve shit), so thank you man. :)
     
    HippyMinstrel likes this.
  5. Thank you, IGY. I know I am not always as sensitive to where people are coming from as I should be. I need to be better about addressing that in what I write. I've been down that road myself. Not very often, but I know it is hell.
     
  6. 10000000000% agree, and the fact that I don't in the slightest deserve a bf/gf right now is definitely what keeps me going. I hate being loved when I don't love myself so I'm focusing on loving myself first.

    And I want to emphasize with the risk of being discouraging on how after more than a year of nofap I still feel like I'm nowhere near being done. Mental illnesses are bitches but you CAN beat them. Just like PMO.

    Golden thread thank you
     
    HippyMinstrel likes this.
  7. Right. It's cool to be single until you're around all your friends who are getting laid and living normal lives.

    I will NEVER be satisfied with being single. Getting pussy is what drives me as a man. Women aren't the end-all-and-be-all. But they motivate men to better themselves. Even if you aren't interested in a woman, you want to at least be able to tell yourself that you could get her if you wanted.
     
  8. jazzphanatic

    jazzphanatic Fapstronaut

    126
    20
    18
    Thanks for posting! Fell in love with #5!

     
    HippyMinstrel likes this.
  9. SUB0

    SUB0 Fapstronaut

    16
    26
    13
    Awesomm said ;-)
     
  10. SUB0

    SUB0 Fapstronaut

    16
    26
    13
    Your words has helped me a lot...thanxxx;-)
     
    HippyMinstrel likes this.
  11. vallotton

    vallotton New Fapstronaut

    1
    0
    1
    I agree completely, and I am working on it. Happiness must depend on oneself and not on others.
     
  12. Warmogz

    Warmogz Fapstronaut

    16
    4
    3
    I loved this post. It seems a little doom and gloomy to me but that's just my addiction talking. My brain doesn't want to accept that life can exsist without PMO. The longer I get from PMO the more I feel my self thinking, "just this once, only once a week..." However PMO is like a weed. You can't water it or it will grow roots and spread. You've got to dump a whole bucket of round-up on it and make sure it's dead. Orgasm and sex was biologically designed for a single purpose and when we use it purely for selfish pleasure it rewires the brain to see everything as a sexual stimulus. When sex is used right, in a healthy relationship, it strengthens bonds of happiness. The OP is right to say that we don't deserve a girlfriend until we get our act together. Whether consciously or not the relationship will turn sour quickly for the addict as soon as the excitement of a new "body" dies down.
     
    Limeaid and HippyMinstrel like this.
  13. I have liked this but never relpied.On my previous streak 13 of days.I have become at peace with myself and I am happy being single.We are not defined by our relationships,everyone is born alone and will die alone.Soceity places too much value on being in relationship and that you have to get married or have kids by this and that age etc.That is all b.s.The only how we can find someone that we can truly love us is if we love ourselves.
     
    recovering onanist and Kenji like this.
  14. Kenji

    Kenji Guest

    Words of wisdom, could not agree more, well said!

    Sry but your username inspires something in me everytime I see it,



    Carry on chaps!
     
  15. That video is so touching,it almost brought me to tears.The music,the water dance the movements,everything etc.

    I will leave you with a quote that has stood with me everytime.

    "Be like water,my friend"-Bruce Lee
     
    Kenji likes this.
  16. Abdurrahman

    Abdurrahman Fapstronaut

    29
    58
    18
    thank you
    mumchance :)

    I agree with those posts but not for no.5 . the life of human being will fulfill by satisfying of the all desires but in a moral way . I believe in marriage and not for the moral sexual satisfaction but also for many reasons that I consider .

    in my point of view the single is the person who has a big time to improve his/her self and to be as perfect as he can by empowering his positive things and getting rid of his weak points .

    for me I have a schedule for that and for being ready to find my life partner :)

    hope a good life for all of members :) .
     
    GmanUK likes this.
  17. Rude Dude Hector

    Rude Dude Hector Fapstronaut

    61
    16
    8
    People have told me the same thing before but then i hear people also say im a loser for being a 21 year old virgin.

    I have really tried to believe in what the OP said before the feeling usually lasts a day or less then i go straight back to feeling alone and depressed again.

    Maybe once i get further into my goal the feeling will stay.
     
    ClearAsMud(Al) likes this.
  18. Reece83

    Reece83 Fapstronaut

    24
    12
    3
    If yοu can't be happy alοne then yοu can't be happy PERIOD!

    Sοciety dοes nοt respect the needy, cο-dependent male.

    All men seeking οutside factοrs tο be "happy" οr "cοmplete" are dοοmed tο be miserable fοr life.
    The bοttοm line is: pοtential mates, having children, family and friends will nοt make yοu happy. At best they will just enrich an already happy life οr play a neutral rοle in an unhappy life.

    I've been reading pοsts where betas claim they can't be happy withοut a family, kids οr a permanent significant οther. This is pathetic fοr several reasοns:

    1. οbtaining thοse things alοne dοes nοt guarantee they will be οf quality
    2. Such things can be gοne in the blink οf an eye. Death, divοrce, plane crash, cancer, etc.
    3. Such a desire is rοοted in Disney mοvie cultural bias. There is nο reasοn tο desire such things οutside οf seeing οther peοple with them.

    A man raised by wοlves wοuld have nο natural desire fοr marriage and kids. He wοuld have a natural desire fοr cοmpaniοnship, fοοd and sex. That's it!

    Sο shοuld yοu avοid the οutside factοrs? Nοt saying that. Just saying learn tο be happy withοut them FIRST. Because if yοu can't be happy withοut them, then yοu wοn't be happy with them.

    As a man yοu must be able tο functiοn ALONE befοre yοu can enjοy a relatiοnship οr etc. The reasοn is οbviοus: men are seeked οut fοr their utility, Leadership and strength. If yοu are miserable alοne then yοu lack the very qualities a relatiοnship οr etc. needs frοm yοu. Burn the Disney mοvies and WAKE UP men!
     
    Last edited: Jun 3, 2015
  19. I agree with op, continue on NoFap and a girl will come. but focus on yourself first.
     
  20. I agree with op, focus on yourself and a girl will come.
     

Share This Page