Be careful who you talk to....

Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by December, Jul 1, 2014.

  1. December

    December Fapstronaut

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    Recently, I met a guy here and thought it would be a good idea if I could be his accountability partner. After rambling for a while, he started to badger me for my phone number even after I repeatedly told him no several times (he gave me a real creeper vibe). Eventually he told me that he would punch out all my teeth. I blocked him from yahoo messenger and nofap. I'm not sure how much further it would have escalated but just be careful, especially the women looking for an ap. Just a reminder to be careful everyone. Not sure if I'd be violating any rules by posting his name here so I won't.
     
  2. Loren

    Loren Guest

    I have contacted a lot of people through PM and often it has gone to email or other means of communication for the purpose of recovering from PMO. I'm going to make a wild guess, but I think I've exchanged uplifting thoughts, emails of encouragement, reaching out, and posts to kik and whatsapp groups with over 50 people from this website. I would like to say that the folks on here are the most upstanding, wonderful, caring group. Everyone here is here because they want to get better. However, what you say is wise. We must be careful. I had two bad experiences over 6 months or so. One was a dude who wanted to flirt, sex chat, and get horny together, but as you did, I blocked him. That one made me nervous because that young man and I added each other to facebook. The safer ways of communicating are email (get an anonymous account if you really want to be safe), or any other medium where you have the ability to block people, and where they cannot glean personal information. Ms. December, I am glad you warned us, but let us not be afraid to reach out to one another. Let us just use caution when we first meet strangers on the internet. I think that is especially important for women, because you may be more of a target. There are indeed trolls here, but only a few, and they usually get bored and leave pretty quick.

    Loren
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 1, 2014
  3. December

    December Fapstronaut

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    Its actually Miss December...
    But he initially asked for my facebook info but I was uncomfortable giving that to him because my facebook is my real account. All my info and pictures are there. I'm glad I didn't add him. Maybe I felt a bit more threatened because I'm a woman.
     
  4. Loren

    Loren Guest

    Sorry about that, Miss December. I caught that and corrected it before you posted your reply. You were fast to post!
     
  5. December

    December Fapstronaut

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    lol no problem. Maybe I should have named myself Miss December anyway.
     
  6. Loren

    Loren Guest

    nah. It sounds like a Calendar girl.
     
  7. December

    December Fapstronaut

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    omg I didn't realize that...
     
  8. Well, there's always the option of having just females being accountable to females? If you might be a bit weary, just have women as AP's only.

    If I felt I needed an AP, I probably wouldn't do it with a female who was married or in a relationship. Not always wise. I'd prefer to have a male as an AP anyway, regardless. Not in a sexist way, I just think it makes more sense due to the nature of everything that's involved here. If I had erectile dysfunction (which I don't), I wouldn't really feel comfortable telling this to a random female who has never had that problem before and cannot identify, unless it was a female doctor, who would actually be able to offer me some kind of help when it comes to men's problems.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 1, 2014
  9. December

    December Fapstronaut

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    You do realize there are like 3 females here who post regularly, one of which I don't get along with and the others aren't looking for an ap. smh
     
  10. Okay. Well there isn't much I can suggest then. I'm simply replying to the incident you faced and trying to suggest the most convenient way of dealing with such things so that they do not happen again. I'm replying to the context of the situation.

    It's unfortunate that there are no other women who you can talk to regularly about these things on this site, but I'm sure there are other avenues to find other women who have similar struggles. There are women out there of whom you can talk to about these things, it's just a matter of knowing where.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 1, 2014
  11. December

    December Fapstronaut

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    Trust me, I've tried. But growing up with guys, I see no problem in having a ap of the opposite sex.
     
  12. I didn't say there was a problem with it, just simply weighing up the pros and cons due to the situation you found yourself in, which was unfortunately a case of mild harassment. Therefore, I made a suggestion. It's completely up to you if you wish to have a male AP.

    All the best.
     
  13. coolmike87

    coolmike87 Fapstronaut

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    Im going to try to shine the light of AA on this discussion too... Once again AA has the best rules on dealing with addiction. It is completely unacceptable for a person to have a sponsor while recovering from alcohol addiction of the opposite sex. It is stated in the big book although i can't quote it now.
    If you can't have an AA sponsor of the opposite sex to treat alcohol addiction. How on earth can you expect to find a good AP of the opposite sex for a sex related addiction? I'm not shocked by this guy being that way. Do not get an AP of the opposite sex. There is no reason at all that you can't find one of your own.
     
  14. coolmike87

    coolmike87 Fapstronaut

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    you might have to be a pioneer. don't give up and don't quit this site. your willingness to help and your eventual opportunity to be a great AP partner to a girl can be motivation
     
  15. Loren

    Loren Guest

    I have three female AP's and we keep things very appropriate. We don't talk about ED and that stuff.
     
  16. Hostage

    Hostage Fapstronaut

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    That sounds right to me. The genders are very different and with sex you are at the cutting edge of our differences. I think there would always be misunderstandings around APs here of different genders. But you do have my sympathy about the smaller amount of female users on Nofap.
     
  17. Up up and away

    Up up and away Fapstronaut

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    Name and shame! I take it you have proof of the harassment? If so then you owe to to potential victims to out the bastard.

    I take it Loren is a women and she has 3 aps. Boom, you have 4 aps to choose from.

    A male ap is just asking for trouble, I'm sure a lot of guy would love to tell a chick how engorged their dick has become and how swollen their balls are! Or how they woke up with morning wood and couldn't help but rub the tip on the mattress while fantasising about the new female ap they acquired.

    Ok I'm being ott but my point remains. Is advise against men seeking out female aps, fucks wrong with you lol
     
  18. Hostage

    Hostage Fapstronaut

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    That's a pretty shocking thing to say. I initially replied in a jokey way but - no - there's nothing funny about using that kind of vocabulary.
     
    Last edited: Jul 1, 2014
  19. December

    December Fapstronaut

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    Wow. Um... You'd be one of those guys wouldn't you?
    And this guy didn't flat out make sexual comments to me. Abusive and persistent but not flat out sexual.
     
  20. Finalfight123

    Finalfight123 Fapstronaut

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    Honestly it depends on who you get. Yeah some guys are complete morons and don't know what alright to say and believe oh this is a porn site anything I say is fine and I can be a complete asshole because its over the internet.

    I mean I think as guys as a whole half of whats written here is saying guys and girls can't understand one another that we can't be moral and civil that as men we only think of our man down there. Well isn't that why we are here so that we can be that way.

    As a guy if you choose a girl to be your ap your doing it to understand girls better because lets face it your point of view of them is quite warped to say the least. And as written earlier they will just talk about their parts. I mean its up to both aps if thats on the table if they agree that thats something they don't want to talk about then they won't. And finally up and away are you saying if you had an ap who was female you would just say anything I mean god dude what are just some dude who cant control his urges.

    If I had a female Ap I would know what to say I would know what not to say. I mean dick talk is for your bros but what you wrote I'm not even sure if I'd go into that much detail. I think that its up to the people.

    I'm sorry December that this is what is representing the male members of this community but not everyone is an asshole just the guys who are insecure about everything I suppose. I'm sorry that they are saying the victim is at fault game. You came here to warn us and they all got defensive and proved your point so well that its kinda scary. But most of us are not like up up away so please don't feel prejudice here I'm sorry that it went the way it did you deserve better.
     

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