Beating Delayed Ejaculation with NoFap (30 days and beyond)

Thought I would share my experience for anyone else struggling with not finishing during sex or suffering with delayed ejaculation. It may turn into a fairly long post, sorry about that, it's just my writing style.

Also note, this isn't a typical 'completely abstain from porn or masturbation' diary, but more about rebalancing my relationship with porn, masturbation and sex into something healthier.

Background

I've been with my now ex-girlfriend for 8 years, and in that time I have came from penetrative sex a handful of times. Zero times in the past 5 years. I have no problem getting and maintaining an erection, but I could only finish with my own hand.

It's never really been a problem in our relationship as she would just stimulate other parts of me whilst I got myself off. It was fine. However over the past 6 months the relationship broke down to the point where we decided to take a break.

When that happened I decided to start casually sleeping with a coworker. We're extremely compatible sexually and enjoy fairly rough sex with a lot of kinks, and whilst I have never had more fulfilling sex in all my life, I still couldn't finish. It's kind of a problem for us, because she really gets off on swallowing/ being covered when I finish.

As I was in the process of moving out of the house my girlfriend and I shared, a nationwide lockdown was announced, meaning I had to stay in a 1 bedroom apartment with her. I decided to take the opportunity to try and fix my anorgasmia, so that when I finally reunite with my coworker I can finish properly.

My relationship with porn and masturbation

To keep it brief, I started masturbating to porn when I was around 13 years old, I'm now 30 and over the years have developed a very tight grip and unrealistically quick technique. I'd basically beat my dick as fast as I could to minimise the risk of being caught masturbating by my family.

I don't need porn to get off, but would use it around 2/3rds of the time. Masturbation became part of my daily routine. Wake up, check my phone for work emails, masturbate and then get on with my day, it was almost the same level of chore as brushing my teeth.

I wouldn't even say I had a strong addiction to masturbation before this, if I was busy I could go a few days without it with no issues. Perhaps I'm deluding myself a little bit there, but whatever. As briefly mentioned before, I have a fairly non-vanilla taste in sex which led me down the BDSM/ bondage porn route.

How I tackled No- Fap

First of all, this may seem controversial, but I don't believe the stories of NoFap superpowers, increased focus and all that other stuff. Others may experience it, but it's not something I was looking to change. By normal standards, I'm quite a successful 30 year old with a share in successful business, no confidence issues and no real issue attracting or pleasing women in the bedroom.

I was convinced my issue was a physiological one, where I was basically beating my dick into submission every single day, regardless of whether I was truly in mood to ejaculate or not. I was too used to laying back on my bed, stiff-legged and finishing in that position and that position only. My solution was to try NoFap to see if it would restore my sensitivity. Here's how it went...

==== Day 1 - 7 ====

Not masturbating for the first 7 days wasn't particularly difficult, but the hardest bit was building a new routine which didn't involve masturbating. By day 3 I had pinned this down and didn't really have any difficulties staying strong.

==== Day 8 - 14 ====

My urge to masturbate really was growing during these days, however I did notice a very strong change in my sexual imagination during that time. Instead of getting urges to watch porn, the overwhelming desire was to have sex with my coworker. I had really vivid sex dreams during this time which meant I woke up to very intense, almost painful, morning wood.

At this point I also started applying moisturiser, in an effort to soften up the skin I guess, I don't really know.

==== Day 15 - 19 ====

Much the same as days 8 - 14, my urges were ridiculously strong. On day 18 I started to masturbate, justifying it as 'testing my progress' however after a minute I came to my senses and stopped. I was really careful to apply a loose grip with a slower action. It felt much more intense than my usual masturbation sessions, so I was encouraged by this.

==== Day 20 ====

If you lock two people in a 1 bedroom apartment when neither of them are having sex, something will eventually happen, even if they did break up only a month beforehand. I had sex with my ex-girlfriend AND I FINISHED. She was on top, and me thrusting quickly from the bottom allowed me to finish inside her for the first time in about 5 years!

==== Day 21 ====

The next morning, we had sex again. I was conscious that the way I finished the night before was very similar to the position I usually masturbate in, so I decided to try on top instead. It took more effort and concentration, but I got there in the end! Another victory.

==== Day 24 ====

At this point, you could consider my story to be over. I'm cured, good for me! But, there's more to this.

Remember that my goal with all of this was to provide more sexual fulfilment for myself and my coworker. My ex had a fairly tight vagina, whereas my coworker is slightly looser, and gets much wetter during sex, so the sensation is quite different. I figured I'd still need to restore more sensitivity to reach orgasm with my coworker, and through other means (oral etc).

I decided that I needed to retrain my brain a little to enable me to finish in different positions, so on day 24 I masturbated for the first time since I started this journey. I decided to use a massive amount of lotion and also do it stood upright, instead of laying on my bed.

This may seem like heresy to some on this forum, but I still feel like it's an important step to developing a more sustainable habit. I've seen a lot of the mental anguish on here with people breaking streaks and falling back into their previous ways, and I figured it's more fruitful if I can find a balance which means if I have an overwhelming urge to masturbate I can do, without damaging myself over the long term.

I also decided not to watch porn, but instead read an erotic story which required more effort for me to focus on the pleasure I was feeling during the act, instead of just pressing play, zoning out and tugging as fast as I could.

I finished successfully, but perhaps with a more aggressive action than I would have liked, but I still see this as progress.

==== Day 27 ====

Lockdown rules we're relaxed yesterday, so I was able to visit my office. By sheer coincidence, my coworker was there and she decided to reunite us with a blowjob. It felt much more intense than before, but I still wasn't able to finish without assisting with my hand. A little speed bump perhaps, but the feeling was much more intense and I was able to cum much quicker with my hand than usual, so I still see this as progress.

Day 30 (The plan moving forward)

In the strictest sense, I have beaten my delayed ejaculation problem, but I still have work to do. My approach over the next 30 days is to masturbate once a week, with no visual porn, plenty of lubrication and with a lighter grip.

In a few weeks I should be able to resume having sex with my coworker, so hopefully in that time I will have made enough progress to finally finish in the ways I want to with her!

Questions are welcome if people have them, I'm an open book.