Become the best version of myself

Today list for today

• Take my medicines
• Read NI material
• Read cases for tomorrow
• No PMO
• Start reading a book

 

I need to get into habit of reading. It will be tough but I need to be slow and steady.

Goal is one book this month

 

I did a very wrong thing about which I m feeling very guilty.

I was dating a girl since last May. I proposed her to marry me on 6 th March. But after doing so , I started having second thoughts as I realised that I took the decision in haste and out of the fact that she loves me although I was not sure about my feelings. I thought I should not think much and just do it as she is very caring and loving. But after going through it I realised I was not happy about my decision. I thought I could do better and I was not in love with her.

So ,I broke up with he yesterday. Although , I am feeling relieved since but I feel bad for her as I hurt her emotions to a great extent.

I fear that her hopes of having a good life or finding someone else might get destroyed. Aslo, she is studying for competitive exam and remains alone with mom working. This will take tollom her physically , emotionally and mentally.

But inside I feel I took the right decsion as I would not have kept her happy.

Also , I told her that I can't marry as my father is not willing to marry out of caste and to someone whonis still studying which is true but I would have gone against my parents wishes if I was totally in love with her.

 

I am feeling very lazy. Am I this kind of guy ?

To dos

Bath at 8
Leave for court at 9
At 4 Leave for Saket to meet Abhilasha

 

I don't feel.like going to work as I am procrastinating on reading case laws and updating myself. I don't feel confident that I will do well in court.

Today, I should forget about everything and try to enjoy my day in court.

Todos

• 10-4 Court
• Read case laws
• Right now read one case law
• Exercise - 5 min
• Meditation - 5 min

Start small. Don't set too big goals. I cannot become my productive best in one day. It has to be slow and steady.

But I need to stay positive and active. I have lot of inertia and laziness in me. I am the ultimate procrastinator.

Solution

• Watch motivational videos

 

I will do my best today.

 

I want to improve my lifestyle. I am not doing anything except working in court. This will severely impact my health.
I need to do something for my health too. I canmot keep on living this life of just lying in bed and constantly procrastinating work by watching YouTube , surfing net endlessly or watching some show on Prime.

I need to be producutive. That is the only way to feel happy. These shows and other things are only tempot relief. I cannot get addicted to this lazy lifestyle.

 

I have started to lose hair and weight due to the stress of work. I need to be careful of the vicious cycle of stress it could put me in.

I need to concentrate on eating healthy and improving my lifestyle.

 

I will get up tomorrow by 7 am.

Todos

• Exercise
• Meditation / Yoga
• Court
• Study some case laws

 

Got up just now.

Todos

• Watch motivational video
• Get ready for court
• Take medicines

 

I need to study case files. I will do them now.

 

To dos done

• Shambhavi mahamudra / Meditation
• Knee exercises
• Back exercises
• Cycling
• Drunk 2 glasses water in the morning

 

To do

• Gym
• Yoga/meditation
• Read something

 

I meed to reset myself on the path to become the best version of myself.

 

Yes..she is doing fine

 

I always have problem following a schedule and incucating any good habit. Invariably I end up being my old self in few days. Back to the tv shows binging , net surfing , lying couch potato. I don't live a productive lifestyle.
It is very unhelathy life and not at all satisfying. I try to become productive and improve my lifestyle but I fail everytime. Because of my past failures u don't have the willpower to try again. As I feel that I would fail again in a few days.

What should I do?
How can I be different this time ?