becoming a live-in slave

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by graham55, May 22, 2018.

  1. Yahoomadad

    Yahoomadad New Fapstronaut

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    Hi.is it possible to win against femdom fantasy?
     
  2. Mr.Chips

    Mr.Chips Fapstronaut

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    Yes it is, many did, so u can too :)
     
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  3. GForward

    GForward Fapstronaut

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    What i absolutely hate about his post is that people are on this site to get better, and what he is posting could easily trigger a lot of people to relapse. He also sort of eggs people on saying why not do abc if i enjoy it. Okay he doesnt want his life to get better, fine, but why drag down others? What a selfish post.
     
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  4. graham55

    graham55 Fapstronaut

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    Yesterday I started fantasising it manifested and lapsed without porn. Felt really bad and depressed at work till today, the following morning.

    Just had a PMO session forcing myself to CEI but couldn’t go through with it, so just cummed. it’s a reoccuring theme now, watching the videos hoping and trying to do it but it never ends up happening.

    My body resists because I know where it leads but the fantasy is strong, reality is different. It’s the same with my experience in blackmail, great in the moment but afterwards going full 360 trying to get them to remove it and stop.

    I believe this to prove that these are conditioned responses since I realised when your watching these “beautiful girls” ( models who are dolled up to be true with fake lighting makeup etc) they could literally be doing saying anything and you’d be horny since you’re a man.

    This is why afterwards you feel bad, it’s a porn conditioned fantasy that’s connected to insecurities and trauma and exploited it.

    Your brain goes: Porn: attractive girls
    =dick hard
    >attractive girl tells you to eat cum*insert anything here
    =dick hard

    Eventually even if your not hard your brain starts to think about cum eating or *. It’s become induced.

    30 days in and I’ve had 1pmo, I did watch material 2 weeks ago but managed to talk myself out of it and yesterday had a fantasy MO.

    Keep calm and carry on in the journey of beating this thing. I will need at least 90 days of abstinence from the Fantasy.

    The thing about femdom is you can create the reward and pleasure all in your brain without looking at any material, so I have to stop it before it gets to that point.

    Acknlowedge when it comes up and flipping it to eventually destroy that neural pathway and make it fade away.

    One day at a time.

    It’s funny, after today I went back to my hostel room and there were 2 new girls, I expected them to treat me like shit for what I am after my PMO, but they didn’t.

    Even in my worse state possible they were nice and friendly, you know why?

    Because above all else in this addiction world we are all humans, we are all people we all make mistakes and no one is perfect

    As Kano said “we all carry scars and cuts were grown ups”
     
    Last edited: Mar 9, 2019
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  5. davidx

    davidx Fapstronaut

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    Just a few thoughts...

    First: stop spending / giving your money to these people. Instead use your money for some professional counseling.

    Second: the addiction to porn and this activity has definitely impacted your reasoning and clouded your judgement - maybe figure out a way to find an objective support group ideally an in person group so you can start making some real connections to supportive people. ... This forum is a good start. Maybe try to read up on how porn and sexual addiction actually impacts your emotional and mental health to understand it better.

    Third: I am a spiritual person and I believe in God and his ability to guide us and help us through anything. I prayed for help with my porn addiction (when I finally admitted to myself I had an addiction ) and within a week I “stumbled on” this website and I also prior to that met a person who shared their story of overcoming a decades long porn addiction with some counseling and support through a church group. (I did not solicit that information from this person we were in a group environment just guys hanging out taking and he just opened up about it, it gave me some real hope and encouragement to go down this path.) I do not go to church but used to several years ago. and I will certainly not try to tell you what to believe- but it can’t hurt to truly cry out to God for help IF you REALLY want it. Just a thought.

    Also, if you can get through a reboot period that may help rewire your brain. The truth is you CAN fight this.

    I would recommend at least some professional counseling.

    Good luck !! I am on my own journey and have plenty of issues to deal with in my own life but for the last several months I have been taking a lot of steps to get back on track with my life and each step though some are very difficult is taking me to where I ultimately want to go with my life. I truly hope you find FREEDOM instead of slavery.

    “Freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor it must be demanded by the oppressed”

    Keep going and don’t give up.
     
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  6. FormerFapaholic

    FormerFapaholic Fapstronaut

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    It's all a fantasy. OP, What do you seriously think you'll achieve from doing this?

    As far as I'm concerned. It's delusional at best.
     
  7. graham55

    graham55 Fapstronaut

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    9 days later and I M’OD last night, I came home late from work got aroused by these 2 girls who walked past me and ended up going back to my room to masterbated which isn’t that bad of a deal but my fantasy was involved a little, not completely but 2/10.

    Not the baddest of things but the following day went out and came back and ended up searching>pmoing. So 10 days, 1 lapse.

    I need complete abstinence but it’s tough so I figured that I’d just M’O occasionally but it leaves me feeling bad and drained (not as bad as a PMO session but still like 4/10, where PMO makes you feels 9/10 shit).

    It then spirals me into a lapse always, so I have to 2 options to stop completely which is tough but i can do it or if you do MO no p or fantasy and don’t binge it which is harder to do.

    I like the quote left by davidx “ freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor it must be demanded by the oppressed.”

    I will fight these urges one day at a time and beat and bed this thing once and for all.

    Yes I’ve had a lapse but it doesn’t undo all the good work I’ve been doing and so I will carry on. 90 days atleast to let the porn induced fantasies melt away.

    No fantasising at all, even though I want to beat myself up and feel bad I need to remember I’m alive i have to chance to life this life to the fullest, I’ve made mistakes but I’m also human.


    Update; after work and even during my thoughts were consumed, got home and had a lapse

    As Kano said “ we all carry scars and cuts, yes were grown ups”
     
    Last edited: Mar 20, 2019
  8. graham55

    graham55 Fapstronaut

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    Woke up this morning, videos> arranged a session, ended up paying for it but somehow lucked out in the payment not going through which is good because I would have regretted a lot if the money went through.

    It’s Thursday the 21st of March, I just had my 23rd birthday a few weeks ago, and people are dieing or close to dieing every day.

    About 1 year ago I spoke to my best friend about my addiction and we agreed 1 year from now wed be on a beach together crushing life, well it’s now that time and he’s there but I’m not.

    I just sent him a message informing him that I’ll be on that beach with him at the end of the year.

    90 days there’s no more ambiguity. A lot of this is just porn induced fetish and fantasies and I know it will melt away after enough abstinence.

    I can’t have it both ways , I can I will, I must, I will get out of the box and pay the price, or I can stay and keep looping this shit and let it get worse.

    Then wake up 25 and a50 page thread later and I’m in deeper, which is fine but fuck that it’s gone on for wayyyyyy to long if I stop now I’ll have a good chance at reversing the damage, if I don’t stop I’ll have 0% chance.

    Life script

    See you in 90 days.
     
    Last edited: Mar 21, 2019
  9. davidx

    davidx Fapstronaut

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    Good for you. You can do it. Break free.
     
  10. graham55

    graham55 Fapstronaut

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    14 days , 1 MO fantasy in my head, slipped up, keep calm carry on, restart back to 90

    Ended up looking things again... few searches and another MO 2 lapses no biggie, back on the horse to 90, keep calm and carry on
     
    Last edited: Apr 2, 2019
  11. graham55

    graham55 Fapstronaut

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    Ended up having a pmo session, so 3 lapses 2 without P fantasising, 1 pmo.

    Will keep and carry on to 90.
     
  12. aspiringwriter1997

    aspiringwriter1997 Fapstronaut

    You have to re-set your counter.
     
  13. graham55

    graham55 Fapstronaut

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    Went 1 week and couldn’t control my brain, it’s like it get hijacked, once I start the fantasising a little bit it’s way to much to stop and ended up lapsing 3 times.

    I’ve done CEI sessions before but never go through with it and always have instant regret. I have to force myself and even then I can’t do it.

    I just had to ask myself if I’m rejecting it why am I forcing myself to do it.

    I can’t take this being pulled into 2 directions anymore and it’s very clear to me now that my sexual tastes have been morphed through porn and sessions and mistresses making me do things.

    I’ve conditioned horny/orgasm to immediate be about femdom. So it’s time to break that.

    Day 0 today but I start a new challenge of ridding this out of my life, I can’t take anymore pain I’m better than that and deserve to be happy.

    No fantasising if it comes up I will let it melt away with a “ that’s nice but I’m not going down that path , life script, 90 days 1 day at a time.”

    No need to beat yourself up because as Kano said “we all carry scars and cuts, were grown ups”

    Day 0 let’s go, see you in 90
     
    Last edited: Apr 8, 2019
  14. skaterdrew

    skaterdrew Fapstronaut

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    It is to do with porn. The longer you don't look at porn, don't think about porn those pathways in your brain will weaken.
     
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  15. yyz33

    yyz33 Fapstronaut

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    just download pluckeye chome extension
     
  16. Septimus

    Septimus Fapstronaut

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    I am glad you aren't giving up, that takes courage.

    Forgive me for being repetitive in my comments, but the only thing I can offer -- which has helped me with domination/submission fantasies -- is to try to analyze closely and "deconstruct" the fantasy. This has helped me a great deal.

    If I can help, let me know.
     
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  17. Gvn2Fly

    Gvn2Fly Fapstronaut

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    How do you do this? Struggling with femdom thoughts pretty much my whole life but they've gotten more extreme and intrusive over the last few years with PMO. I need help.
     
  18. Septimus

    Septimus Fapstronaut

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    Here's what I do, when the fantasy seems strong, or when I'm tempted to pursue it, or I've given in to it.

    I stop and do some serious thinking about exactly what this fantasy is all about. I think about the common themes of the images I seek out; in the stories I read (or write for myself in my head). In my experience, they all tend to follow a very similar script. Have you noticed that in your case? So the question is WHY? Why those themes? Why is it about, say, a collar, or a dog tag, or whatever? Why does this, that or the other thing cause immediate arousal in me?

    The goal is to understand what it is about the fantasy that pushes your buttons.

    It may be that you need the help of a professional to sort this out. In my case, I'm not a professional counselor, but I've done a LOT of reading.

    The key is: it's pretty unusual that you or I do anything "for NO reason." There is a reason that stuff gets to you. When you put energy into unraveling that, a couple of things can happen. One is that instead of being the "helpless" consumer of a fantasy -- i.e., acting out -- you are actually taking charge of things. That feels really good and is healthy. Second, when you get "behind" the fantasy, and look at what it's really about, it loses a lot of it's power.
     
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  19. graham55

    graham55 Fapstronaut

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    Day 0 another lapse. Tried to do another CEI vid but I always bail out early because my body won’t go through with it.

    It’s actually hilarious that i want it so bad (fantasy) but I can’t force myself to do it, yet I’ve done it before a few times with immediate regret and vomiting.

    It’s funny that I started out helpless, not wanting to change, wanting the extreme and now my mind has changed to I actually want to change this and do anything and everything I can to change this and I can’t do it alone I’ve tried and tried.

    The reason I want to change is because I know it’s not for me, fantasy is not reality and it’s a porn induced fantasy.

    If I never ever watched porn all I’d have is a foot fetish and a squat fetish so what? Now I’m getting into more dark and extreme shit like intox, blackmail etc.

    I seriously think this is the key now to deconstruct the fantasy and take out its charge so it has no weight anymore.

    Can I ask were you are now in your journey? Days etc?

    I can deconstruct the fantasy, but then I get horny (naturally) and it’s straight to femdom now, I don’t even watch porn anymore it’s all in the mind. Femdom fantasy. Would be great to get some help.

    The thing I can’t live with is I ate my cum, and I did that. I can say she “forced me to do it” but I made her force me.
    If someone tells you to jump off a cliff you won’t do it because of your own senses but I did it.
    There has to be a reason why I did it and say 90% of men in the world wouldn’t even do it at all.
     
  20. delhiboy

    delhiboy Fapstronaut

    humans are too complex to understand.
    come to india and see people toil from morning to night manually pulling rickshaw, carrying sack whole day just to feed themselves and their family, they dont have time to think about other things, they are just busy in getting their basic needs fulfilled.
    but when there is no hardship in life and food is easy to get, population is low and government takes care of people these type of stupid thought come in mind, man you are giving your money to be their slave, that is one of the most pitiful thing i have ever heard. i seriously pity you. god give you some courage and mind to think what are you doing to your life.
    you are part of your mother and father. such acts can not even degrade you but your family too. man please go to doctor, watching one or two videos out of fetish is fine but acting on them in real life is just plain stupidity or even loss of sanity.
    go enroll in army, here in india army soldiers have to work for whole day starting from morning 4 to night 9. they'll break body so hard by making you exercise so much that any thing you need or demand would be little more sleep. that kind of slavery is of some benefit , it'll make you tough and pay you salary and even pension. pension is given in india only to army,navy, airforce,politicians and not to anybody else, hence pension is privilege in india.
     
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