Wow, a lot has changed since i've last been on this site. My last session was a few hours ago. It was a blackmail cei, edging session. Iv'e had 3-4 lapses in the last few days. But it's ok. We will figure this out. I have changed alot. I started masturbating when i was 12. When i first start watching porn around the age of 12, it was very soft stuff, and it has since then escalated. As science suggests this is due to the natural de-sentization involved with pornography. Over time the same material is less arousing so you need more novelty to get the same high. I transitioned from soft material, to CBT (cock and ball torture) , ballbusting, humiliaton, breathplay, edging, cum eating, blackmail, forced intox, Before pornography i merely had a foot fetish. In early childhood i recall a movie scene of a women collaring a guy with her boot against a wall in a movie and i found it arousing. Another movie were the guy was on all fours as the women used him as stool. And a similar feeling. This was all due to me not feeling like i was enough to have a healthy ‘normal relationship’ possibly. During childhood from age 5-18 i was made to feel like something was wrong with me. I I was bullied at school, didn’t really have a social life, and was rejected and humiliated by the girls in school that i liked. This no doubt lead to deep marks and scars in my deep emotional baggage. This stayed till i started daygame. 5 years in, many experiences had, i still had the emotional baggage inside. I still felt the same way. And my addiction was getting worse. 5 women in the world have videos of me masterbating to them on camera, due to my addiction of blackmail. Every time afterwards i would have instant regret, panic try and get them to delete it, swear i’d never do it again. It’s a very crazy feeling. Like you do something you know is going to destroy you, but you can’t help but do it. It’s like you’re “addicted”. I had a similar experience with cum eating. Alot has changed since i started this blog on page 1. I was convined my only purpose in life was to become a broken, slave to a mistress, living 24/7 in a cage, giving away all my income. Now i see things differently. I see this as an obstacle i need to overcome. Towards May 2019 i started to feel quite suicidal and was on the brink of taking my own life. I couldn’t handle the pain. I’m still here. It was around the same time, i’d started seeing a therapist/on and off it helped. I then started work with energy coaches, and many other specialists but it’s so damn hard to find people who are skilled in this area. A simple google search for “femdom addiction therapist” brings 10 links of videos enticing you back in. I am yet to find a single expert or individual who has been through and beaten this completely. I am determined to be the first or i will die trying and will prove for good that’s impossible. And slowly i’m moving forward, it’s a linear pathway that sometimes feels like 2 steps forward 1 step back but i’m commited to beating this and then helping others get out of the rut too.