Becoming an Avatar (Daily Update Journal)

First I want to keep myself accountable by journaling everyday.

This is a serious problem that has plagued my life for a number of years, its also added to not feeling satisfied sexually when being with a partner. Most importantly it makes you crave more, another girl - even when your with one in the moment, another scenario - constantly searching for more exciting sex scenarios, until you start searching stuff you wouldn't even do in the bedroom. its a never ending downward spiral.

As of today August 14th 3pm UK Time I will reframe myself from watching porn and masturbating (I already watched porn 3 times this morning, thats the reason am here)

As the days go on I will explain my reasoning behind being hear and what am going through on a daily basis.

 

Day 2

I think the main reason for me posting on the page was to stay accountable to not only myself but others following the journey from day 1. We read others stories but never think we can do or get to where they have but its of course possible.

So I've had a few urges in my head since yesterday but only split second ones about going and having a quick one to make me feel good but we all know where that leads us. The thought that stopped me from doing it was posting on here and letting the lads know I made it through the day

So ultimately we all need a reason why - my reason why (This is off the top of the head right now and not thought about) To accountable to seeing this through, to discover the benefits for nofap and masturbation and to feel and experience sex for what it is with a partner without thinking of someone else or something better.

1 day down, speak to you's tomorrow. let me know how everyone else is getting on or if your starting along with me

 

Respect bro. I will do

 

Thank you, appreciate it

 

Day 3

Its funny when your stopping yourself from porn and masturbation cause your thinking about stopping it which means your thinking about it, which means you end up dreaming about it also lol! A continues circle. Began today with some urges in my mind. chilling on my computer in bed and every now and again my mind says "Lets check out some porn, just see what new scenarios they have" but we all know where that train leads.

My automatic response is to stay accountable to this page, I don't want to let myself down or anyone reading my journey. Of course we learn from our mistakes if and when they happen but I will do everything in my power to avoid that.

Ive been there when you just want that dopamine charge and you end up watching porn like 10 times in one day cause thats the only place and time you feel happy, ultimately it just makes you more tired, more depressed and leaves you with no energy to do anything.

Anyway, just about to get up and head out for the day. cold shower is awaiting me

 

Day 4

Coming to the end of day 4 now. was traveling on the way home thinking to myself (Cant wait to get home and have a quick one) lol its so funny how easily my mind wonders to that place. My automatic response is to come straight onto the page and discuss it with the lads, I guess its like therapy and talking to people that can relate to your situation. I also woke up this morning with my hand on my **** and I kinda frowned at myself straight away thinking "Don't" which of course I didn't.

Anyway another day done and as I've heard my friends talk about with addiction before, its not about reaching 30 days or 60 days, its about taking one day at a time and being happy that you made it through that day. remember guys ONE DAY AT A TIME! don't think to far ahead, be present and focus on the now.

 

So we almost made it to day 5 but didn't quite make it. I relapsed last night at like 2 am in the morning twice and then one when I woke up damm it lol!

it was like a rabbit hole first started on Instagram then it lead to texting random girls, then to a random website for a look and lastly my mind started making sexual scenarios up in my head about girls I know who have cheated on there boyfriends, we all know how it goes.

So I relapsed, should I be sad about this? definitely not, am super proud of myself from going 4 times a day to almost 5 days without. so lets learn from the mistakes and go again. like I've commented on other peoples posts, each day is a victory in its self, live in the present. theres no point me being sad about it, its In the past now.

lets reset the counter and start again