Becoming the writer I want to be

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Anakin66, Feb 24, 2020.

  1. I like this ruso. Unfortunately we are often owe own worse critics. Just keep working on writing and you will see your style evolve. I don't think you need to worry. I've noticed the more I write the better my grammer etc gets. So just keep doing it. But I see nothing wrong. Keep writing I'm keen to see more of your work. You should try some haikus. We are all writing them these days!
    Anakin66, Akeakua, ruso and 2 others like this.
  2. AtomicTango

    AtomicTango Fapstronaut

    The original version is still correct, every word on the second line is one syllable each and there are seven words. The version you presented is only 6. I would assume this is because of the use of the word "curves" which is only one syllable, I just made sure to check.

    EDIT: This got me to realising how a lot of haiku dont actually work in the format when you translate them from native Japanese, and a lot of ours wont work if we tried to convert them. Even the word haiku, which is two syllables for us, is three when spoken in Japanese.
    Last edited: Nov 22, 2020 at 4:35 AM
  3. I like both of these better. I probably won't keep the one I wrote because it's about emotion and it doesn't fit the haiku style as well. That being said, you definitely know your haiku abilities. I'm impressed. :D
    Akeakua and Henryforward like this.
  4. 4,255 words. Almost 9 pages. The prologue is finished.

    There's one section that may go through a third rewrite, but for the most part, I believe that I've established a better introduction than what I had before. I want to give a giant thanks to @AtomicTango for helping me find ways to improve my story and inspiring me to go back and do a complete overhaul of the first chapter. Now I've got to take the material I cut out from the first draft my opening and fashion that into the next chapter, where my main character has his world transformed. I might show you, Atomic, the revised opening, or wait until I get a few chapters in and send you in the manuscript and see if I've improved on what I originally said.

    I might even write some more haikus today.
    Akeakua, Henryforward and AtomicTango like this.
  5. Ok yes my mind was rather number down with painkillers yesterday. My mistake
  6. What do you achieve, when you spill your seed on the ground.
    What do you gain, when your heart races to a whore.
    Do you feel loved, when you lose yourself again.
    Are you fulfilled, when you fool yourself with a lie.

    Do you not want to be loved.
    To hold and be held.
    Does your heart not yearn.
    To love and be loved.

    How would you feel if someone watched your daughter.
    How would you feel if he lusted after her.
    How would you feel if someone destroyed love.
    How would you feel if I told you that it's you.

    Everytime you fall, give in to that filth.
    Everytime you cave, you die a little more.
    There's no sense to this, it's a war against flesh.
    Urges won't stop your heart, but a broken heart will.

    It's uncomfortable this filth that you seek.
    It's all been a lie this filth that you watch.
    What will it take to make yourself stop.
    What will you do to make sure you don't fall.

    Many a good man, has been destroyed by this trap.
    Many a kind soul, torn into shreds.
    Don't let yourself fall, down into dust.
    Don't let your fire be quenched by the rain.

    Is a moment of pleasure, worth your kingdom of gold.
    Is a fleeting passion, worth your hearts inner peace.
    Don't be a statistic, another lost soul.
    Humble yourself, before it's to late.

    This is the moment, where boys become men.
    This is the moment, where you choose to live.
    Walk to your future, the time is now.
    Walk everyday, as if it's your last.
  7. 1500 words written in the book. That poem has some grammatical errors but I think it works. I wrote it a few days ago when I relapsed. Not going to happen again my friends. Have to much to do in these fleeting days.
  8. AtomicTango

    AtomicTango Fapstronaut

    1356 words today. This chapter is a weird one because its kinda hard to tell properly how long it actually will be. Its basically characters talking for ten or so pages and I really enjoy these kinds of chapters because they give me a chance to delve deeply into the characters motivations (and this chapter in particular is based entirely around something that happened last book and new information giving it new context.) It does however mean its tricky to segment the chapter into smaller workable chunks like I do with chapters where the scenes are more clearly defined. This chapter is basically one long scene.
  9. duellator4viva

    duellator4viva Fapstronaut

    Hi everyone!

    Finally my examinations are over, so I may be able to start my writing as a full time hobby. I plan on writing essays, perhaps short novels also or something of self help articles - whatever I may feel. My first project is an article about assisting students on how to transition back to contact learning from online learning through tips and other suggestions that they may find helpful.

    I will follow suit and tally my word counts everyday.

    As always

    Safe Abstinence!
  10. AtomicTango

    AtomicTango Fapstronaut

    1948 words today. The chapter is very easy to write and as such is nearly done, and its only Tuesday. Tempted to try and think of more content to keep myself busy with this chapter instead of starting the next, but if I cant do it well I wont.
  11. So I've not had a chance to get to my notes yet since I'm trying to get what little work assigned next week done by tomorrow so that I can have some more time to write my main paper and practice for my Spanish interview. I hope to sit down and work on the notes later on in the week. Meanwhile, I wrote 3 haikus and I was so pleased with how they turned out that not only are all of these going to go into my bundle, but I thought that I'd share them with you all and see what you think. I'm greatly impressed with these being non-nature haikus, but I intend to return to writing nature-based ones when I feel like I won't be beating a dead horse over and over again, haha.

    romantic language
    different dialects merging
    European beauty

    morning bells ringing
    windows illuminated
    heavenly basilica

    Italian summer
    enjoying foreign ice cream
    florentine visit
  12. AtomicTango

    AtomicTango Fapstronaut

    I feel really bad saying this because I like all three but they dont fit the 5-7-5 format. The first one is 5-8-6, because different has 3 syllables and European has 4 (ie diff-er-ent and Eur-o-pe-an), the second one is 5-7-7 (because heavenly is hea-ve-nly and basilica is bas-il-i-ca) and the third one is 6-7-5, (owing to Italian being It-a-li-an.) I feel like this issue is coming about from the way we pronounce words versus how they are supposed to be pronounced. For example I would say "dif-rent" when saying "different" which would make it sound like 2 syllables when its not. I use this site to check words I am unsure of.
  13. Don't feel bad for saying this. It's important that I know about this now before I made a massive mistake further down the line. They're all close to the format in some form so some quick adjustments should fix them. I use a website called "write a haiku" to double-check my poems and there is a difference I'm seeing because while Italian has 4 syllables from what you have said, the website shows it as 3 (I-tal-ian). The same thing goes for "heavenly basilica" since the 7 syllables from your analysis shows up as 5 (heav-en-ly basil-ica). So it's obvious that something's not working on my end. I might just have to stop writing haikus for the moment until I can go back through all 33 haikus, make sure that they're all 17 syllables and rewrite the ones that fall short or over that magical number. I'll make sure to keep that website on my radar in the foreseeable future.
    Akeakua and Henryforward like this.
  14. AtomicTango

    AtomicTango Fapstronaut

    Ok now I've confused myself because I looked up "Italian" again and am suddenly getting different results? Its now saying it is in fact 3 and not 4. The rest are the same though so what I said still stands I suppose lol. It probably is a good idea regardless to go back and check the ones you already have, because its very easy to do this. I've done this for almost every haiku I have posted here, I just usually catch it before I post, then have to go back into my collection and edit them.
  15. AtomicTango

    AtomicTango Fapstronaut

    Wrote a haiku inspired by a night walk I just got back from.

    Brisk air, starless night.
    Calming cold envelops all.
    Calling me back home.
  16. So, is it 3 or 4 syllables for sure? I want to make sure that I'm on the same page as you are. I'll probably try to do that right away and if it doesn't take long to do, I can devote an entire day or so to focus on that. How large is your collection now?

    @Henryforward: Do you have anything to add to this or suggestions on how I can fix my haikus?
    AtomicTango and Akeakua like this.
  17. I personally pronounce 'italian' with 3 syllables. I just repeat the words in my head and count them out. I think of a topic and just write one line at a time. Try focusing just on the first line. Then the second then the third. Don't rush the process and it will come.
  18. AtomicTango

    AtomicTango Fapstronaut

    It is 3, I must have just found a site that was wrong when I looked the first time. Every other site/resource I used after that were consistent so its definitely 3.
  19. AtomicTango

    AtomicTango Fapstronaut

    931 words today. I probably could have gotten the whole chapter done but I had other things I needed to do so I had to cut my writing session short. I will most likely be done tomorrow.
  20. Thanks for the advice @AtomicTango and @Henryforward. I hope to sit down this weekend and maybe work on fixing the last three I wrote and if it turns out to be easier than what I thought, I'll go on ahead and spend the weekend fixing them as well as working on some novel notes (I'll get to that at some point today hopefully). So with Italian being 3 syllables, would that make the haiku it's in correct, or is it still wrong?

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