Been feeling extremely depressed

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by mma895, Jul 16, 2020.

  1. mma895

    mma895 Fapstronaut

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    Its been 72 hours since I last MO'd. I recently sort of figured out some of the reasons why I use PMO as an escape. I stopped believing in the belief systems I was brought up with, realized what I really want in life. Sadly, most of the things I want in life go against societal norms and in pursuing my own path that would make me happy I'd end up hurting a lot of people whom I love dearly. When I questioned and rejected my belief systems, I lost a fundamental part of myself. I have definitely grown in a way, grasped a deeper understanding of things and feel 'awake'. The problem is that, when I look around, I realize I am completely alone.
    I know I have to make some very drastic changes in my life and make equally hard decisions. Whenever I think about these things and my future, I get this suffocating feeling of helplessness. The only thing that makes me numb to these feelings is PMO. I am not able to fall asleep unless I PMO. And when I wake up the next day, the whole cycle of hopelessness begins again. The past 3 days I have controlled myself from doing it but what I feel is actually worse. I can sense myself slipping into dark depression.
     
    delhiboy and kio_actualized like this.
  2. lolos

    lolos Fapstronaut

    What are the things you want in life that would hurt people around you?
     
    kio_actualized likes this.
  3. mma895

    mma895 Fapstronaut

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    I guess I want the freedom to live my life by my rules, practice whatever faith that I feel is right. This goes against my very religious family's expectations. I am also financially dependent on my dad as I work in his company. They aren't as open-minded as me and telling them that the things I want in life are different from what they expect of me might emotionally hurt them.
     
  4. mythdunk

    mythdunk Fapstronaut

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    I certainly understand that there are some inconsistencies between the kind of life you would like to live and what is expected of you by your family. It must be very constraining that you are financially dependent on your family and therefore feel slightly powerless to progress the life you would like to live. It is clear however that your use of PMO is a symptom of your issues and not likely to be a cure even if you think you get short term gains such as being able to sleep after PMO. I hope you are able to find the strength to resist the chemical urges your brain will be throwing out to persuade you to continue your cycle of PMO'ing. I truly believe PMO offers all of us false senses of short term security but we are all better off without PMO whatever else is happening in our lives.
     
  5. delhiboy

    delhiboy Fapstronaut

    let the bad feeling of not PMO push you under depression for some time, when you are t bottom only then you can rise up.
     
    Bonhart likes this.
  6. Mr. Macedo

    Mr. Macedo Fapstronaut

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    I can totally relate to what you're feeling now bro. I have PMOed as an escape from loneliness and anger for over 10 years. I also understand exactly it feels to be tripping on the wire when it comes to beliefs. I was brought up in a religious household and as I was becoming a teen I started to question so much my creed and eventually left that system. Today I see that my apostasy really brought some really negative consequences but simply because I was stubborn enough not to look for help from a therapist. Abandoning a belief system that feels wrong for u is supposed to set you free but only if you do it the right way or freedom will tear you apart. FLATLINE is the moment in which you'll have to be the strongest, because all the H.A.L.T. feelings will kick in, the toll will be so heavy, and the only way out will seem to be PMO. The best advice I can give you to when those urges torment you is to write down what you're feeling and have a deeper conversation with yourself or a therapist. Or just get out of the house. You can't fap out there, so it's either nofap or prison.
     
  7. MeLeneMani

    MeLeneMani Fapstronaut

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    Being feeling as you do for a very long time now. I feel like its an issue of iq and brain capabilities. I feel like that people with higher iq points tend to have these thoughts and get lost to them. Also i feel like its a thing of age, but i feel like that you should train it to get even better and faster results, i think that meditation and mindfulness is the key, but it requires you to get determined to do it.....
     
    Mr. Macedo likes this.

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