Been relapsing for the last 4 years. Can't stop and seeking help.

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Michael5iLVEr, Jul 29, 2020.

  1. Michael5iLVEr

    Michael5iLVEr Fapstronaut

    Hello, my fellow Fapstronauts,
    I'm Michail and 3 or 4 years ago in June I did my longest rebooting of 30 days. Unfortunately, one day, I argued with my parents and went to relapse. Since that day, there have been only a handful of days with no fapping at all; and they were all merely days when I was in university all day, although I fapped sometimes there in the toilet.

    I have long admitted that I am indeed addicted, both to masturbation and porn. There are many times when porn scenes pop out of the blue in my head. The more I try to abstain from these thoughts, the worse and more powerful my desire to fap to porn becomes. The same a little more mildly happens when I'm about to sleep and think that I have to remove those bad habits, but the next minute I find myself masturbating and depriving myself of sleep. On these occasions, my mind goes blind and all it can do is lead me to sin. Even restraining thoughts and thoughts about my religion, even prayer doesn't help at this moment of drowning.

    Even now that I started writing those lines, I want desperately to masturbate to porn.

    I feel my body being only a pleasure machine. I seek pleasure through easy orgasm, while I avoid the hard acquired pleasures of training or playing the violin, or even composing some music, although I love doing them. I've aslo noticed that since the coronavirus lockdown, my tastes in porn have worsened. At first, I could fap also to innocent bikini images, while now I can't. Now I want moving photos (aka videos) that must in most cases involve penetration.

    The world around me also isn't nofap-friendly. From TV ads (hopefully I don't have that trash box in my home) to swears and usual phrases among friends, they all turn around sex, and that's because sex sells well!

    I greatly need your advise! What can I do in such cases when my mind is going blind? What can I do in those occasions when I have porn scenes play in head? Any other advise? How can I leave sexual messages and innuendo from my environment unnoticed and ineffective to me? Please, I deperately need it!
    drkarim likes this.
  2. Freebliss

    Freebliss Fapstronaut

    I have blocked my phone, computer, smart tv ect from being able to access porn. I make the passwords long if possible and I put it away In my work mailbox. If you start there you may still masturbate but you will be moving in the right direction.
    Michael5iLVEr likes this.
  3. Michael5iLVEr

    Michael5iLVEr Fapstronaut

    Do you suggest any good such app for android? For the ones I've seen I need to pay
  4. V∧DΞR

    V∧DΞR Fapstronaut

    Hi there, I am copy-pasting a previously written post by me with some few edits which I believe would be useful to you (this is long).

    This is my a part of my research that I have done in the past 4-5 months, I also have reported a YouTube channel and got it banned as it was showing shit.

    You must start by blocking the content first.

    (NOTE- The OpenDNS method works on all platforms.)

    Cuz you know when you are going to.

    1) ENFORCE SAFE SEARCH: confirm SafeSearch is on,%\system32\drivers\etc .

    Safe search makes sure there will be no porn or sexually arousing content in your searches.

    You brain will jump from one place to other and YouTube is filled with garbage too.

    In short:

    For YouTube, append the following into your hosts file:



    Use if you prefer moderate restrictions.

    Remember that this will block every channel with adult content (not 99% accurate), will block live streams, comments etc.

    I believe routers have this feature, block the words that you end up searching which are usually the reason for your triggers( ex: porno,henti, blah blah...)( It took me a week to get all of my PMO trigger words.)

    if your router doesn't have this use this:

    it has word blocking feature.
    Make sure you enable it for incognito too.

    4) Set up OpenDNS:
    Try blocking every porn site including twitter ( It is no less than a porn site), stock photo sharing sites, instagram etc.

    Open DNS:
    Step 1:
    Step 2:
    (Manage which site you want to block)

    ULTIMATE WAY THAT I FOLLOWED TO STOP MY SEXUAL THOUGHTS. (Found it after 1 month of search YAY.)

    "This was what Buddhist monks and nuns are taught.

    I did it and it worked so well I freaked.

    Imagine someone you fancy as their bodily parts.

    Now imagine a row of large buckets.

    Next imagine putting their skin in the first bucket.

    Put their brain and lungs and eyes and other organs in the next bucket.

    Put their muscles and sinew and cartlidge and tendons and bone marrow in the next bucket.

    Now put their blood and mucus and snot and urine and faeces in the next.

    Finally odds and sods like eyes snd hair and nails in the last bucket.

    Now ask yourself which bucket sexually arouses you the most.

    Which bucket contents are the most attractive?

    This is the body you fancy is it not.

    Nothings changed other than the arrangement of the bits.

    The bits themselves haven’t changed in the slightest.

    Stay aware of the contents of the buckets, allow revulsion to arise.

    If you need to focus on a particular bucket to create revulsion do it.

    Don’t worry about the exact content of each bucket.

    It’s just a tool.

    Put whatever you want in each bucket.

    A simpler way is to visualise the person with their skin piled at the side of them.

    You can then continue this as your meditation.

    Every time you see someone recall what’s inside the skin, imagine the skin has gone .

    Every time your mind wanders away or you get distracted recall the exercise and start doing it again with the people around you.

    This is mindfulness of the parts of the body as they are.

    I did this diligently for a week or two.

    All sexual craving ceased as did finding any body attractive."


    I hope this works
    NFman and Michael5iLVEr like this.
  5. Michael5iLVEr

    Michael5iLVEr Fapstronaut

    Wow, this seems deeply reasearched. Thank you a lot!!:emoji_bow::emoji_thumbsup:
    Step X seems to be already working. But, um... is there any way a little less disgusting than step x? I'm afraid that this will also prevent me from making love with my girlfriend... :emoji_grin::emoji_joy:
    Last edited: Jul 31, 2020
    CArT_Vader likes this.
  6. RandomKidAtTheForum

    RandomKidAtTheForum New Fapstronaut

    You probably heard all of the tips im about to say but it still helps a lot.

    If you feel an urge then
    -Take a cold shower
    -Go outside and do something else
    -Focus on something else

    Tbh NoFap is all about willpower, and if you have enough of willpower then its easy to do NoFap. Everytime you get an urge you have to ask yourself if what you're gonna do is actually worth it. You're not gonna die if you don't fap.
    Michael5iLVEr likes this.
  7. V∧DΞR

    V∧DΞR Fapstronaut

    Preventing porn is possible but preventing your mind from showing porn based thoughts is very hard, Step X genuinely helped me to get rid of those thoughts in an instant.
    The disgust that you get from Step X is surely ugly but it is better that the guilt that you would get after doing PMO, that's why I named it as Step X.

    As of your situation, I can tell you to continue it for a while if it works. When you think that you can resist urges without StepX then you don't need to use it.
    Last edited: Aug 1, 2020
    Michael5iLVEr likes this.
  8. Tryingto

    Tryingto Fapstronaut

    While I clearly do not know your financial situation, @Michael5iLVEr, I respectfully offer this personal perspective: Give all the time and anguish porn costs me, spending a small amount of money to reduce this (whether this be on a blocker, a book, therapy or whatever) is well worth it.

    Addiction will come up with endless reasons why we 'can't'. This is one of it's survival mechanisms. See through it. See what needs to happen. Then do the next right thing.
    Michael5iLVEr likes this.
  9. Risho

    Risho Fapstronaut

    Look brother the root cause of this sexual fantasy is in mind so if you get a thought about sex just discard it and if you don't then it will cost you a relapse.
    Take for example fire if we don't stop it initially then it got out of control and there is nothing we can do about it so if you encounter any sexual thought just discard it without delaying,
    You will ask how can I do it?
    So my friend just take the name of you god or imagine your got or any rhyme you think of and that is what I do if I encounter any sexual thought without any second thought I just discard it and continue with my work.
    Michael5iLVEr and CArT_Vader like this.
  10. Michael5iLVEr

    Michael5iLVEr Fapstronaut

    Yes, these are the classic tips, but even if I know them, I have to follow them so as for them to work!

    As of willpower, I remember an article in which the writer argues that willpower itself won't help at all when dealing with any addiction. You have to feel pleasure from abstaining from the bad habit in order to get rid of it. I'm on my way to implement this in my reboot.
    That is utterly true! While I can restrain from watching porn, it is my head and its thoughts that push me almost always to relapse. All in all, I'll follow your last advice, I'll use it while I need and once I fight those thoughts more easily, I'll stop.
    It seems reasonable. I have also found those survival mechanisms in other situations. I'll think what I can do, but mainly, talking with other people about the addiction is what helps more to abstain.
    This goes hand in hand with what HelpMeDESU! said. In order to prevent evil, someone has to pull it out from it's very root.
    Thank you, all, guys, for helping and suggesting your ideas! I'll continue fighting! Stay sharp!
    CArT_Vader likes this.
  11. Arjuna's path

    Arjuna's path Fapstronaut

    Hello friend!. I will tell you a little secret, it is not about what thoughts you have, but how do you deal with them... So what?, does this mean that is ok to have this kind of thoghts?. That means that is ok to have thoughts, but is is proved that we can't predict what thought we are going to have in the next moment. So what do we do with this?. The first thing is to detach yourself from your thoughts, you are not the content of your thoughts.

    I will give you a challenge, meditate about this phrase that Budha once said, you do not exist, but you reborn. Keep it with you, say it to yourself when you have those porn scenes playing in your head.

    If you want to talk privately, sent me PM.
  12. Tryingto

    Tryingto Fapstronaut

    True true true, @Michael5iLVEr. Thanks for the reminder as this is something I, too, struggle with.

    While this makes sense, I don't think I've come across it before. I do feel pleasure in abstention, but I really don't draw the amount of attention to the experience(s) that encourages continuance. Feelings of poverty and deprivation rush in and keep me from doing the next right thing. So thanks again.

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