Before I go and look up pictures of...

I wanted to look up pictures of women this morning. I have like 4-5 days without PMO. I did some recovery stuff and some distraction through movies and games. Anyway, this morning I really wanted to look up pictures of women. I started to tell myself I would once I finish XYZ, and felt the anticipation coming up. That was where I took a pause. I finished XYZ and instead of going straight into those pictures, I came on here to write about that anticipation. Because it was interesting how just the thoughts basically got me in an anticipation mode.

I recently got a gym membership and that's one new reason I want to avoid PMO. Because I think I will get better gains in the gym if I avoid PMO. I am still a total beginner at weight lifting again. When I was younger I lifted weights a lot and did PMO almost every day, sometimes multiple times. I still increased my lifts a lot, but I think I could have gone higher if I weren't doing PMO.

Now, I'm older, almost 30, and my body probably can't take as much as it could 10 years ago. So that's one reason I want to avoid PMO.

Also my original goals of having more dream recall still apply.

I returned to using PMO after having 59 days or something like that. That was about a month ago. I didn't do PMO every day since then. I had a few times when I had 4-7 days. But decided to go back. I'd do it once or twice then get another 4-7 days. After I finished the PMO I felt regret, like I had tricked myself again.

So, I don't know what I'll do. I will probably get another streak going again one day, but I don't know when.

I feel the anticipation to look at images in my stomach. It's like a big butterfly in my stomach. I also kinda think that if I do it, it will mess up my workout plans.

The idea that I could just look at a few pictures and maybe edge a little, but then stop, usually proves not to be true. I will tell myself that to begin with, but then I will go to "the end". So if I try just a little "lusting" I know that it will be more than just a little.

Last night I was watching some comedy skits and some had some provocative images.