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Beginning... Again

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Pirate3819, Feb 3, 2016.

  1. Pirate3819

    Pirate3819 Fapstronaut

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    Today, I suffer my 3rd relapse of 2016. I begin nofap in 2014 and my first streak was over 120 days before I relapse. I often ask myself, why did I succumb to my thoughts, why did I think reading fantasy caused no harm, but it eventually led me back to pmo. I had accomplished so much during that time period of nofap. I struggled again for about 3 months which eventually my pied come back which sucked again because it was getting better. I went on another streak for 72 days before my first relapse of 2016. I have been relapsing after 2 days since that relapse. I'm starting to feel hopeless again. Part of the reason, is I'm now working from home a lot more. Up to 3 to 4 times a week.


    I guess I should give some background on myself. I discovered porn at a really earlier age, I don't quite remember the age but it was between 3rd and 5th grade. I never forgot the first shot of Dopamine from pmo. I was hooked instantly. I watched it almost every morning before school throughout my elementary years. Middle school, I got my first girlfriend in sixth grade. I never really had probably getting women. I also was a popular athlete who went on to play D-1 football. My first time trying to have sex with the girl I was dating from the 6th grade. It was the summer of us going to the 8th grade (Yeah, I know way to young). Well, I already had developed PIED. Both of us didn't know what was going on I just pretend my fingers was the real thing :-/. My next occasion was my freshman year in HS. Still watching porn daily at this point. I did successfully have sex. I remember at first, I didn't get erect at all. After maybe 5 minutes, all of sudden it was there. It was the best 3 minutes of my life, lol. She was older and experienced, probably though I was the worst she had at that point. But after that time, I failed almost everytime to have sex. To the point, I went to see the doc for some Medicine. Even with that, sometimes I would not get an erection with some kind of simulation from myself or the female. I missed out on a lot of action because of this issue. I did however, mainly because I was an athlete, I sex quite often in HS with help from Medicine and the willing female giving me a start up. I struggle with this even in college. I remember using a large amount of my scholarship money to buy Medicine. it's like $30 a pill. I would have to cut them and half to try to make the last longer and only try to use them when I know that a female wasn't going to give me a start up. I still wasted a lot of money because of the times I thought I was going to have sex and nothing happen.


    The crash:

    After all that time in college, it never got back to people I had issues getting it up. After college, however was a different story. All of sudden, it seemed like all of my friends knew about it. That sucked. At this point, I started to figure out that porn was the reason. After my friend told me that two female said I couldn’t get it up or stay up. I was devastated. It this point, I started research young guys with ED. What I came across describe my story completely. I went over 120 days before I lost to my thoughts. Then 72 days before I lost again. Over this time period, I have gotten so much accomplished and doing things with my career. My PIED was getting better but I was still taking Medicine with the first in counter of a new female. But I did have successful sex more times in that time period in my life without assistance from Medicine. I become very confident, and realized that I could do anything I put my energy into. I know that God help me along the way and is still helping me.


    Back to the beginning

    I decided to share my thoughts and asked for help. I will be turning 30 this year in October. I want to be done with PMO forever. My hardest times are always the first week or so and after I have sex. The next couple of days will be hard. I’m back on day 1. If anyone is serious, and is interested in being an accountability partner. Please let me know. I tired of losing to my thoughts, and it’s harder now for me since I working from home a lot more. The pros of nofap definitely outweighs the cons. So let’s beat this!

    God Bless
     

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