Beginning my 14 Day challenge..

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Ive got this, Sep 25, 2017.

  1. Ive got this

    Ive got this Fapstronaut

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    I hate that I am back here...

    I have been addicted to porn since I was 12 years old.. I used to love running around outside and playing sports, and then the hormones kicked in... Obviously it all started out as normal. Experimentation, fun, release... but as the years went on I felt something was wrong.. I didn't know or understand what was wrong but PMO was all i could think about. I did not feel like myself. I felt like a shell of myself, I felt insecure, I felt like something was wrong with me. Although I never placed it on my addiction.

    It was not until after high school that I started to understand what was the cause of it all.. My addiction to porn. But try as I might, I could not shake it. I tried very hard but as we all know, an addiction is an addiction and trying to combat it alone and cold turkey was not the process that would make me shake my addiction. As long as I kept myself busy, I was fine.. But as soon as I was alone (and that could just be walking home from the bus stop), my mind would wonder and it would not be long before I was behind my computer, even though every time I would hate myself just a little bit more.

    I discovered this website a few years ago, and started scrolling through. I would read the threads, and this helped a lot! I could read other peoples symptoms and their changes in personality and way of life, and see these similarities in my life. I decided to make a change, and start posting as well.. Nothing else had worked so far so why not??

    It worked.. I can't say I kicked it completely (because why else would I be back here) but I felt in control a bit more. I could go a few days without PMOing, something I could never do before. I think my previous goal was 12 days, but I'm not entirely sure. Anyway I went well for a few years, having relapses but ultimately holding off.. until recently....

    The last few months have been hell! I have fallen back off the wagon! and hard.. I hate myself again, I am unsure of myself, I feel like a shell, my personality has slowly gone.. When I began again I kept telling myself 'Its ok, you are fine now! You are in control.' 'one more isn't bad' 'you still feel normal, its ok to do every now and then'. But I wasn't fine, I wasn't in control, and I no longer feel normal. What is worse I am in a loving relationship, and this girl is one of the best things that has happened to me, and I feel like we are losing what had, all because of my addiction. It is tearing me up inside but for some reason I can not stop. I have had enough.. AGAIN!
    I am back and hopefully this will not only get me back on track but it will save the best thing that has happened to me in awhile!

    If you have made it this far, thank you for listening to my story. It means a great deal to me.
    I would love to hear from any of you about your struggles and successes. Having people to talk to about it and place where I can confide will mean a lot and give me the opportunity to give back to the community that has helped me so much as well.

    So please feel free to post and I will reply :)

    Good luck to everyone here and to me!
     
    sumersingh, jager and Awakening123 like this.
  2. Awakening123

    Awakening123 Fapstronaut

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    I wish you the best too!
     
    Ive got this likes this.
  3. ContinueFight

    ContinueFight Fapstronaut

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    Let's do this together buddy! I'm trying to get past the 2 weeks!
    A quote from Batman Begins:
    Why do we fall down?
    To learn how to get up!
     
  4. Ive got this

    Ive got this Fapstronaut

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    Thank you! Day one down and I still feel confident!
     
    Awakening123 likes this.
  5. Ive got this

    Ive got this Fapstronaut

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    We are in this together mate! Such a good quote!
    I like your name.. Continue to fight! You haven't lost until you stop..
     
  6. Daniel Ramsey

    Daniel Ramsey Fapstronaut

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    Praying for you my dude!
     
    sumersingh and Ive got this like this.
  7. Daniel Ramsey

    Daniel Ramsey Fapstronaut

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    Praying for you my dude! (I wish this PMO Tracker's custom goals would work. I can't get just Porn and Orgasm).
     
  8. Daniel Ramsey

    Daniel Ramsey Fapstronaut

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    and that PMO hasn't been updated. I'm on day 12. My record so far!
     
    Ive got this likes this.
  9. Nabaski

    Nabaski Fapstronaut

    Good luck my friend!
    It has been more than 3 weeks since I last PMO'd (I started doing it with 12 as well, what a coincidence). Even though I'm struggling a bit almost every day now, I hope that one of these days the urge I feel to PMO will be gone.
     
    Ive got this likes this.
  10. Ive got this

    Ive got this Fapstronaut

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    Cheers dude!
    Quick question, and I say this with complete curiosity so hopefully it doesn't come out the wrong way, but you say you want your tracker to track just P and O. Does that mean you still masturbate without orgasming? What does that attain for you?

    Sorry just curious as for me the ultimate goal is always orgasm, so masturbating without orgasming will ultimately make me want to go the while 9 yards, or leave me completely frustrated...
     
  11. Ive got this

    Ive got this Fapstronaut

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    Thank you Nabaski!

    How do you feel after three weeks? And how do you deal with the urges??
     
  12. Nabaski

    Nabaski Fapstronaut

    I find it less difficult to focus and understand things. About the urge, when it comes i always think about how bad i felt after the PMO, in an attempt to send the urge away
     
    Ive got this likes this.
  13. Daniel Ramsey

    Daniel Ramsey Fapstronaut

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    Think about it this way: You could feel 100% pleasure for 6 seconds, or 80-90% for 3-5 minutes. I think that my conscience won't let me go all the way, but I'm afraid that I'm still getting my high so I'm still addicted instead of weaning off of it. A lot of it also has to do with people I know. It's people I find attractive that I know I'll never get into a relationship with, but I still want to feel sexual pleasure "with them". But I've basically made the commitment to not go all the way, and as I stay at that 80-90% for a while I lose my impulsiveness to go to 100% . . . I think. Something like that. Hope that helps.
     
  14. Ive got this

    Ive got this Fapstronaut

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    Awesome! Its good hearing those success stories! Keep it up!
     
  15. Ive got this

    Ive got this Fapstronaut

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    Good on you, you have more self control that I have! haha. All or nothing for me.. I can't bake a cake and not eat it. You do what you think is working for you. Do you feel as though you are you are feeling better physiologically?
     
  16. Ive got this

    Ive got this Fapstronaut

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    Alright well I have more or less tackled day 3. Had a good day, but this evening has been tough. Ive gone through my instagram and unfollowed any trigger pages... Just trying to find ways to keep my mind off it.. Think I'm going to try and watch a movie with no triggers. If I can find one. Sex sells unfortunately...
     
  17. Jkyle

    Jkyle New Fapstronaut

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    starting day 2 here fellas...
     
    Ive got this likes this.
  18. sumersingh

    sumersingh Fapstronaut

    nice quote of batman buddy i m also in with you
     
    Ive got this likes this.
  19. Ive got this

    Ive got this Fapstronaut

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    Keep it up buddy! You can do it! Everyone here believes
     
  20. Ive got this

    Ive got this Fapstronaut

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    Lets do this shit! Im feeling good being here and reading all this!
     
    jager likes this.

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