Beginning with my story (explicit content)

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by aprendiz shaolin, Sep 27, 2019.

  1. aprendiz shaolin

    aprendiz shaolin New Fapstronaut

    Hi fapstronauts, i'm 25 YO and this is my story.
    Wen i was 8 YO i started to recognize my body, i used to take long showers and there i start to touch my genitals and play with my penis until it gets hard in that moment i didin't know what it means, but one day an older friend come to me and she talked me about sex, she told me that a man put his penis into the women vagina and this information gets attached in my brain, so i tried to learn more about sexual relationships, i asked myself a lot of questions but i decide that i will know the answers on my own; later at age of 12 i had my first real masturbation and orgasm at shower, in this moment i felt so confused with the sensations in my body that i got scared and i had stopped immediately , but then, i realize that it was normal and i started to do it more often and feeling better and i cannot lie, i just love the sensations. One day i found a DVD i decide to reproduce in my pc and it was a porn movie, that was nice when i saw couples having sex in the video, that movie had a lot of scenes and really hard for my age (threesomes, lesbian sex, masturbations), i liked the sensations i felt wen i saw those videos and i had an erection then i just jerked off, i saved the video on my computer then i return back the DVD, before somebody noticed his absence. I used to see the scenes of the videos for my own sexual satisfaction, but there came a point where i needed more, this very moment my prayer were answered by a cursed cellphone with connection to the most dangerous platform called internet, so i started to see more porn content in the internet and started to notice new forms of sex (S&M, shemales, hardcore, gay), i also use to read erotic stories, so i started to feel curiosity for gay sex, i think i have consumed too much porn that i needed something more intense.
    Since school i was in love with a girl of my class but i was too shy to tell her, later i knew other girls in high school that i liked but as usual i was too afraid to tell them, i remember that in those times i was fighting with weight problems because i was fat and i has man boobs those things trow all my confidence and self esteem to the ground and in the other hand my family was too mocking and always make me feel sorry for almost everything. Then i started to exercise myself and loose weight, i feel more trust in myself but in that point a was suffering with my porn addiction so i did not want to have girlfriend because i felt good watching porn and masturbating and i was too shy and sorry for the bulling of my family so i never learned to flirt.
    At age of 19 i went to college in other city far from my family, in that moment my porn consumption increased a lot, so i started to feel the need of real sex, but i was too shy to speak to women and find girlfriend to make it, so one day i read on the internet about a webpage for sexual encounters between gay men so i decided to look for curiosity, i started to chat online with some people and i contact a men older than me who was married and he wanted to try another experiences in his life, so we put in contact and we meet, in that moment i had sex for the first time with a men who had the age of my father and i was 20 YO, i was the man of the act that is to say that i fu**ed him, i have to confess that i didn't liked it at all and then i felt guilty and dirty for what happened, so i just delete my profile in the page and try to start over looking for girls, i found many that i liked so much, but i don't know why i'm so bad flirting so i just couldn't have a relationship. One day, looking on the app store of my phone i found an app for sexual gay encounters so i just downloaded that and start to talk with other men, then i contact with other man with my age for having sex, i was about 23 YO, i make it again and this time was nice and i liked it, in this point i started to tal with other mens and have ocasional sex with them, it was so easy to talk in the chat, then we meet, had sex and bye, always using protection of course.
    Finally at age of 25 i realize that i don't like that life, i want to have a normal life with a wife and childrens, not that life of empty sex without any emotions involved, i started to think a lot about my sexuality then i realize that i'm not really sexually or sentimentally attracted to men, i think that this sexual behavior was induced by my porn consumption through all those years, so i started to search how to end with my porn addiction and i find this page, i'm gonna start today with my program, i really hope that it helps me with the struggle i been through.
    Sorry if my english isn't good enough but i'm for an hispanic country and english isn't my native language so i tried my best​
    Souvent08 and Flyhigh like this.
  2. WWW1974

    WWW1974 Fapstronaut

    Thanks for sharing your story. My life parallels yours in many ways. Proud of you. Please PM me if you want to talk further.
  3. Astro77

    Astro77 Fapstronaut

    Your English is amazing I'm English and had no problem understanding
    You're definently on the right path with nofap keep it up!
    FX-05 likes this.

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