Being a normal person again & leaving harmful Nofap ideology

TLDR: I feel like a normal non "addicted" person again after questioning my views on porn and nofap "recovery"

Most of this is personal experience, but I think some may find it helpful. Feel free to disagree:

So its been around 4 years (maybe longer now) since I first immersed myself in Nofap and the idea that I was addicted to porn (this was after 10 total years of use). This would slowly lead to my entire life being consumed by the idea that porn was this evil monster that I had to defeat, nothing else mattered and every positive and negative thing that happened to me had to somehow relate back to the fact that I was a porn "addict". Porn was the main villian in my life, and for years on end I was the valiant hero who kept trying and failing, but who would eventually emerge victorious (dramatic I know).

Well after years of building up and destroying "streaks", which was only making the problem worse, I finally have the knowledge and mindset to actually move on from this period in my life that has long overstayed its welcome. I'm going to summarize the most important things I learned below in case anyone in a similar situation finds it helpful or intriguing:

1. "Porn Addiction" does not exist in the way I thought it did, at the end of the day I watched porn and engaged in PMO because I wanted to at that time. "My brain" or "My addiction" didn't coherse me to do anything.

2. Porn is not the magical fountain of pleasure that people on both sides of the fence say it is. It does not "release more dopamine than any other activity". It is a behavior, and how much it is enjoyed varies based on person, place, and time (like EVERY other behavior). This is a major thing that kept me feeling trapped. I was told that watching porn would give me this endless "dopamine flood" and it would be more pleasurable than anything else, but at the same time I was a relapsing failure if I watched it and an addict if I wanted it.

3. There is nothing inherent in "problematic" porn that makes it superior. I used to believe that any porn that produced some negative feeling (shock, shame, disgust, etc) was inherently superior because it produced "more dopamine" and I would always at some level crave for this "superior" experience. This bullshit was especially toxic for me because it led to me being unable to see that I had a temporary preference for certain content that I could happily and effortlessly change.

4. I did not need to feel like complete shit after every single PMO session. Viewing my CHOICE to watch porn/pmo as a "relapse" or "failure" and not giving myself permission to be happy unless i was on a "streak" is most of what made me feel like shit, not an inescapable consequence of porn.

5. I do not "need" to quit porn or PMO due to being an "addict". It is a personal choice based on preference. I can PMO as little or as much as I want to and remain in control and happy. Now, this doesn't mean I HAVE to PMO, I can still choose to abstain if I like the perks of that (which I'm personally doing now).

6. I do not need to "recover" from porn, I can get out and start enjoying my life now, instead of waiting God knows how many months/years to be "healed".

7. I do not need to avoid anything, or take certain actions to "maintain" me not doing PMO. I may see it as more or less valuable at certain times and situations, but at the end of the day nothing "triggers" or "makes me" watch porn/pmo but me.

This may sound like I'm justifying porn use, but my intention here is to try and help people who were in a similar situation as I was and have this constant looming fear of porn and relapse. Porn addiction has no power over you and does not need to rule your life forever, you absolutely can bring it back down to the realms of a shallow behavior that holds little meaning to you, similar to eating fast food or watching tv. Realizing this allowed me for the first time in a while to feel like a normal person without any "addiction" driving my life.

Major credit to the Freedom Model for Addiction for helping me to arrive to these conclusions. I've never said this about anything before, but its literally a life changing book, and I'd recommend anyone struggling to read it.

 

It's definitely extreme compared to what I believed even a year ago, but honestly where I was before was a never-ending hamster wheel and would have never gotten me to my true desire which was to simply move on and be free. So I'm fully willing to stand by being extreme.

 

That is really my only goal with this post, to open people up who are in a similar spot I was to the idea that there doesn't have to be a spectre of addiction looming over you that you need to fear and hide from for months/years and you can just be "normal" again. I wish you all the best as well.

 

I don't see why it can't be. Sure, not everyone will hold that view, that is just reality. But at the same time, not everyone WILL quit porn. That is not the same thing as being fundamentally unable to.

If the goal for Nofap isn't to feel truly free of porn and move on with your life without it affecting you anymore, what is it?

 

Not currently in a relationship. Also, I'm not actually using porn or PMO at all at the moment. The difference is that I'm doing this purely because I want to try out the benefits of extended sexual abstinence, this time without feeling forced into it and having it drive my life out of fear.

On the topic of PMO in a relationship, obviously everyone's will be different but I think it's ideal to save that part of yourself for the person you're committed to. So if I eventually do decide some form of causal PMO is for me, then I'd stop if I was in a committed relationship.

 

Agreed, but I was never comfortable with the idea that I'd need to fear even a single look at porn for the rest of my life and I was forced to take certain actions everyday to avoid "relapse". To me that's moving out of one mental prison and into another.