Ok guys so I'm new to this site, this is a pretty heavy for my first ever post, but from what i gathered here a lot of people here are focused a lot on self improvement and I thought it'll be ok to post this here. So Im almost 32 now and I don't think I've ever held a girl/womans hand before or even kissed, hilarious and embarrassing right? I think from a young age I've always been super shy and anxious when talking to girls, it probably got more awkward when at a tender age of 13 i discovered i had a pantyhose/tights fetish. Also my personal experience with domestic abuse from my sister at a young age kind of sealed it in. Oh actually when I confessed to a girl via a letter at school, she decided to tell her friends, laugh about it and everyone in our class knew about it and chewed me up about it. Worst experience in my life i think. So i pretty much went through my young teenage years till young adult years without interacting with women/girls. Throughout my university years I got better with interacting with women and made some friends in general, however I find these days i struggle to break the barrier of friendship. Not sure if its because a lack of attraction to them or perhaps I'm subconciously holding myself back. But its pretty much being going on like this for a good number of years, at this point in my life I'm pretty normal at interatcting with both genders, able to talk and make friends with them, I think I feel more awkward if I try to interact with them in a romantic way as I mentally feel like a awkward teenager, I know the idea of being yourself is what people want and in general i conduct myself quite well and mostly quite like myself the way i am. However when it comes to seeking a potential romantic partner I think the combination of being a virgin and possibly mocked ( The Highschool thing really hit me hard i think) and then combine it with having a fetish for hosiery just seem to make it that much harder to do. I think it definately low self esteem it gets worse with age for me. I think im going in circles now but yeah, I dunno does anyone have a similar issues and if they do how did they break out of it? I unfortunately don't have any close friends ( I do have friends ) that i feel like comfortable to talk about this with. Pantyhose fetish is a huge no no for family and friends.