Being asked about my love life is the worst

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by superstorm250, May 21, 2019.

  1. superstorm250

    superstorm250 Fapstronaut

    i think a lot of us here can relate, especially those like me who have never had a girlfriend and have very little experience with dating or sex. It’s honestly something I dread being asked about when I meet new people and even try to be prepared for when asked by people I already know. I’m almost 26 and have only kissed a girl once, also only had sex once and have only been on 1 date in my entire life. I feel like how old you are plays a significant factor in how people will react if they find out, it won’t be so bad if you’re in your late teens or early 20’s, but mid 20’s to 30’s definitely raises some eyebrows and can make people wonder if something’s wrong with you.

    I also feel like if any friends of yours find out, their perception of you will change slightly. Especially if any female friends that you are strictly platonic with find out, I feel like they will view you slightly more beta-like when they find out that you have no experience with girls if you’re at a more advanced age. If you’re in this situation, you need to be prepared how to navigate this topic of conversation because it can be easy to accidentally get yourself backed into a corner and forced to reveal the truth. And if this happens at work, there’s a good chance that most of your coworkers will learn your secret.
  2. Monk1415

    Monk1415 Fapstronaut

    Almost mid 20s here and have gone through something similar except I have 0 experience. Pretty much been asked a lot of times whether I have a gf and im an honest person so I just say no and it lead to people at work thinking I was gay xD
    Tafi likes this.
  3. I'm late 30s and I confidently tell people the truth. I don't care about what they think about me for having no experience in fornication, because I justify myself only before God.

    Men of my age often have a kid born out of wedlock, they never see or raise the child of someone else together with their girlfriend. This is not my reality and I'm not going to repeat their mistakes. I'm able to live celibate and take advantage from it.
  4. akshatragrawal

    akshatragrawal Fapstronaut

    Seriously dude. Come on. A lot of how we see other people's opinion is bcoz we at some degree agree with them too. Be kind to yourself. Alpha-beta idea are full of shit. There is a place for everybody in this world. Be comfortable and patient, and wait for your chance. Till then, try working on your capabilities and doing things you love.

    With girls, in my experince, initiating a conversation is 50%.
    thorswrath32 and MadJackMcMad like this.
  5. I don't care if people just ask me if I have a girlfriend. It's when people shove it on me that I start getting frustrated. Right now I'm 22, never been kissed, never had a girlfriend, and suffered my first rejection and first attempt to get a girl earlier this year. I even told her she was the first I'd said anything to, but she didn't say anything to that.

    Honestly, my family hasn't really said much to me about it since I was 16ish, and I was asked once two years ago by a cousin (by marriage) who I hadn't met before.

    After my rejection, I told a few classmates about it and my never having a girlfriend, and I was told that was OK. I also tend to just go quiet when I can't relate, such as just laughing at one girl's story of how horribly awkward her first kiss was, or having a guy conversation about how one guy once did it in a kmart dressing room, he said he didn't know why it happened, that they were just pants shopping, and I say "well that's why it happened," then my other friend said the weirdest place he ever did it was on a mountain, and my response: "well there's no one around."

    MY Coworkers... what a long convoluted story.
    I have taken so much harassment from guys twice my age for not having a girlfriend. things like
    "did you get laid this week?" 'no' "Well why not??"
    or mentioning I walked to the beach one day with a camera and the first response was "were there girls there?" and I have to explain there was no one there.
    Or... getting sexually harassed by a mid 40s autistic woman, not complaining to management because I think They'll make fun of me as well, and then the harassment about not having a girlfriend only gets worse.

    It's legitimately painful, but you have to learn to grind on. This harassment at work didn't stop until I got and confessed my rejection. Honestly, it all comes down to the maturity of your peers, the more mature they are, the more they can accept your situation. I have a cousin who didn't start dating until age 26, and I was told he was picked on for that as well.
  6. Rahab

    Rahab Fapstronaut

    Don't let you influence by this idiots wondering why you don't have a girlfriend. The reason why they wonder is the society in there we all live: in the society everybody thinks they have to be married, having a great car, having an outstanding job, a big house etc. because they get it implemented as kids to reach these goals and spread it to other people and to the next generation.
    If they wonder about you or can't understand it not having a relationship, fuck them! I got this asked many times and I don't give a damn about these people thinking that.
    It takes time finding the right one, sure. But don't set yourself under pressure just to statisfy them. And btw. people having a relationship have other problems or are unhappy about it.

    Similar to my case a year ago: one guy asked me if I'm gay that I don't have a girlfriend. My response: "I have to dissapoint you" - everybody around us started laughing :D
    Monk1415, Ashley88 and Drew15 like this.
  7. MadJackMcMad

    MadJackMcMad Fapstronaut

    I had this kind of situations and at first it hurt a bit, but I think these kind of people are the biggest losers. I mean:
    1) they got to 40 thinking sex is the only thing that gives meaning/value to their day
    2) they probably don't get much of it either, and just lie about it

    Maybe I'm wrong, but that's my 2 cents on the issue.
    Tafi, Monk1415 and Deleted Account like this.
  8. akshatragrawal

    akshatragrawal Fapstronaut

    To reiterate, unless you are not clear about why you want a girlfriend in the first place, its going to be weird when people ask about it. As long as you are not guided by your hormones but by good sense, you will be able to fend off any criticism and have greater willpower. Our brains are build not to defy logic and if the logic is strong enough, you will not be easily busted.

    People are in my face about so many things too, but since I understand that what I am doing, I cannot be affected otherwise. People don't ask "the why" (even if they do, it is quite mockingly) but are out there giving opinion, but having said that, I try not to dismiss an opinion without weighing it with what I want.
  9. PJT

    PJT Fapstronaut

    I'm 35 and have to deal with this constantly. My mom practically begs me daily (as i try to call her now every day even though we live in separate states) to find someone and have kids. I talked to a cousin/friend of mine whom I stood in his wedding for and he jokes on me that I'm gay. I can take the jokes, but other nanoseconds in the day I think on it and it upsets me because simply I never had a gf before. But you know what, the truth sets us free. So when you talk about navigating situations that may come up I'm starting to just get more vocal about mine and share information with people that I feel like sharing with. It all does weigh on me heavy though. I guess what I am trying to say is why be so secretive about it? I mean is the plan to trick a girl into dating you/sleeping with you? Maybe that was my problem all along, I always tried to trick someone into doing something into just doing something to do something for me.
    Tafi likes this.
  10. This reminds me of some elderly person at church asking me about my family and I just started talking about my siblings and parents, only to realize a split-second later, that my family is my own family, the one I don't have.

    I immediately picked up my phone and changed the category "Family" in my calendar to "Parents". Got it! 20 years late, but I got it.

    Women make up excuses all the time to not have to tell you directly, what they want. Men should be straightforward with their plans and be strong enough to deal with rejection.
    Tafi and mihmihero like this.
  11. PJT

    PJT Fapstronaut

    Of course we should be but it's slot easier said than done. At some point the community you belong to rejects you and it stings . I agree though that we have to stand tall and and be straight with one another. I was perusing old texts from the girl I liked in the past and it's funny I literally asked in so e excahgnes to give me a straight up answer but nope. Did not happen.

    Anyway to the OP I feel your pain without pain no gain. Secrets are meant to be shared . At least in the end regardless of the embarrassment you'll understand who your friends really are and whom to put in a timeout
  12. Thank you. Deviance is normal now. I used to try to live up to these expectations but all it did was lead me to waste time with women who I shouldn't have been dealing with, waste money on women who weren't wife material, spend time I should have spent getting closer to God and enriching my life chasing them, risk getting STDs and eventually getting a girl pregnant and having an abortion.

    I'm 41, unmaried with no children and I havent had an actual girlfriend in years and people can think what they want to. I'm in good shape, I recently got a clean STD report and I got no child support payments. No more premarital sex for me and no more getting involved in these halfway committed, lust driven "relationship" that lead to nothing.
    MadJackMcMad and Deleted Account like this.
  13. Tafi

    Tafi Fapstronaut

    I agree with your principles, God bless you
    Deleted Account likes this.
  14. Tafi

    Tafi Fapstronaut

    I'm and single and proud
    properWood and Deleted Account like this.
  15. overclocked

    overclocked Fapstronaut

    There are 3 solutions.
    1: Flatout lie. Pretend to screw around on tinder. Act as if you have an abundance of flings.
    2: Be mysterious. Refuse to talk about private matters. This takes some skill, stay stoic in face of ridicule and provocation. Never reveal anything.
    3: Own it. This is your life, you are not a fuckboy - you had better things to do.
    Xhiddy likes this.
  16. AtomicTango

    AtomicTango Fapstronaut

    I'm 22 and have had absolutely no experience with women, none whatsoever, and I dont think its fair to blame PMO as the majority of the time I find myself struggling to really care whether I am on NoFap or not. I recently came off the back of a 300+ day streak and have only relapsed once since then, so I would like to say I'm fairly experienced with NoFap, and it hasnt really made me that much more motivated to pursue a relationship, I mean maybe a little bit, but not by much. Very occasionally I get very lonely but these feelings fade away fairly quickly and can be deflected by me simply keeping busy. Honestly the more I think about it the more I wonder if I get more anxious about my apathy, and not my lack of relationship, if that makes sense.
  17. I just say that I'm still looking for a girl that I really like because I don't like to waste my time, and if someone says something about it (as to mock me), I just answer in a non-serious way "Don't you see I'm more beatiful than you to be with whatever crap pays me attention at the nearest bar?".

    It's not so much about why you still don't get a lady, but more about why a lady still doesn't get you: framing helps a lot.
    Tafi likes this.
  18. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

    If people ask you that is because you have the potential to find someone. Do some self-improvement so the next time someone asks you can give then a positive answer, or at least say "Not yet".
  19. Marik757

    Marik757 Fapstronaut

    It's only an problem if you let it become a problem. Why should I care if my friends/co-workers found out if I dont have an gf due to lack of experience?

    If they are truly friends then they will be open about my anxieties, fears, etc. If you can't share personal things with them most likely you are hanging with toxic friends.

    Toxic people will question your life goals, and love life to make themself feel better.

    Ex. Johnny is out at the bar with friends, and one of them points out an hot girl. Conversation centers around her, but Johnny is quiet and shows no interest. His friends could question him. Is he nervous, gay, etc? *insert hazing/bullying/jokes* Johnny now wishes he never went to the bar with his 'friends.'

    If your mom and dad are asking about why you don't have an gf then that's just them worrying about you. Get over it...

    Persoanlly I try not to get too involved with co-workers. I'm there to make bank and go home, not pick up chicks or make friends to hangout some place afterwork. Because at the end if day what work-friend will chose to get themself fired to protect your position.

    Sure you can have an few acquaintances, but the moment you spill something personal about yourself. Then 'you' were the one who set yourself up for rumors to go around.

    If asked about your love life then just tell them it's complicated and don't want to talk about it.

    If you're mature enough to love yourself then you wouldn't care what other people think. It's a matter of what are you doing to better yourself to get an gf?
    Last edited: May 27, 2019
  20. superstorm250

    superstorm250 Fapstronaut

    Thank you everyone for the replies, and I’m glad to hear that I’m not alone in not wanting others to find out about their lack of a love life. I still believe that if you’re past a certain age and have little to no experience, its not something that should be shared with anyone under any circumstances. Because eventually it will come off as you might have something wrong with you, because it will be seen as something entirely different as you just being a late bloomer if you’re approaching 30 and have never dated anyone.

    As for coworkers, I think it is very important that it stays hidden because I know from personal experience that if one of your coworkers finds out, they probably won’t keep it to themselves. I told one guy who I worked with after he asked me directly if I’m a virgin and after that, other people who I worked with who I never told also knew. And another example is from the movie The 40 Year Old Virgin where at the beginning of the movie when they’re playing poker, Steve Carrell’s character accidentally exposes his inexperience and the next day at work, everyone in the workplace including people who weren’t at the poker game knew his secret.

    I’m re-organizing my bedroom because my room is such a mess that you can barely even walk in there and my bed frame is broken and needs to be replaced as the mattress is currently being held up by pieces from an old Guitar Hero drum set. I’m trying to work out more, get a better job because I’m currently an independent contractor for Amazon so I work alone and that means that my job is very solitary and isolating, trying to get a better car or fix the nicer one that I also have because the paint is peeling of and the upholstery is torn and the windows also won’t roll down in the first car and the second one needs some upholstery work and needs the car alarm fixed because I can’t even lock it without it immediately going off and the A/C is broken in it, and finally moving out and that’s the hardest because where I live has among the highest cost of living in the country and even studio apartments are unaffordable.
    overclocked likes this.

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