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Being insecure and how it affects the daily life

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Baduser, Sep 20, 2019.

  1. Baduser

    Baduser Fapstronaut

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    I like to make this post to see if there are alot of people like me.

    Do you have moments where you feel normal/good/great and there are situations like people looking at you or you have the feeling people make fun of you.

    You know people can look at you for many different reasons and people can laugh because they are having fun about something else but you still have the feeling its about you.

    They say insecure people are the most selfish people because they always think everything is about them and everybody looks and think about them.

    Anyone got any tips/experience about this?
     
    RobbyGo36 and Optimum Fortitude like this.
  2. Hey, yeah I think a lot of people feel that way, to have moments of confidence and moments of insecurity.

    Currently I try to 'center' myself whenever I feel unwell, insecure or jealous. So a couple of deep breaths and thinking "it's my life, my feelings, my way, this is about me and not about others". Well, in a way that is even more selfish (maybe), but currently I use it when I either envy other people or when I think someone thinks ill of me.
     
    Larnellian and Baduser like this.
  3. Ghassen99

    Ghassen99 New Fapstronaut

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    Hey my friend i have tgis problem also but not all the time sometime i feel so unsecured and I feel like I'm missing so much self-confidence even sometimes at some situations I wish that the ground eat me but thank God that this feeling it's not always and my advice to you and to me also is to try to be selfish and to take care for yourself and not anybody else and you have to work on your self confidence more that what I was told at least
     
    RobbyGo36 and Baduser like this.
  4. Angus McGyver

    Angus McGyver Fapstronaut

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    I used to be one of those people only a few years ago and especially in my late teens and early to mid twenties. Since I was bullied a few times as a teenager, I thought something was inherently wrong with me and that almost everyone was judging me in every social setting I attended. Thus, I developed a huge social anxiety where I actually skipped many social events between age 17-20 because of it.
    During the social events I attended, I was so tense, anxious, and nervous (like I was almost walking on needles) about everyone's judgment of me that I usually left early after making up some bad excuse for my departure. It was not until I moved abroad until age 20 where I had to push myself out of that comfort-zone (since there was no other alternative) and start randomly socialize with people.
    It was very unpleasant at first but I developed some basic social skills from it and it really helped me overcoming one of my biggest hurdles in life and these days (especially since the beginning of NoFap), there are few people who don't like my company and character and if they don't, it's not a big deal since you can't be liked by everyone. I am always my genuine self att all times and never conform to people or please them for the sake of it.
    Keeping your integrity and never giving it up (no matter the repercussions) is one of the best ways to overcome your insecurities.
     
    Despicable me, Larnellian and Baduser like this.
  5. Baduser

    Baduser Fapstronaut

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    Thanx for the replie Angus :D

    Can you give a little more info about "Keeping your integrity and never giving it up"
     
  6. bestbacon

    bestbacon Fapstronaut

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    As you might have already caught on and alluded to, the situations in which you are feeling good or positive emotions can be highly related to the environment and people. Lets be honest, most people here are probably comfortable chilling hours on end with our closest friend because we care little that what we say will be judged adversely by that close friend. Similarly if I were to put you in a room full of Fortune 500 CEO's that you might feel the sensation of anxiety or greater levels of judgment because of your unfamiliarity with these people.

    If you always feel as if someone is laughing at you, that is something that was formed by your subconscious as a thought that carried on to your conscious. You need to question why you thought someone was making fun/laughing at you. You already understand the truth which is that it literally could've had nothing to do with you but your rational mind is reasoning that it could have been you. You may take the idea of self-importance and your own ego too strongly. In majority of the cases, the people that you thought were laughing at you were so caught up in how they "appeared" to be in front of other peoples that they seldom even had the thought of judging you.

    Even though you said that you heard that insecure people are selfish, I do not think that it is a bad thing. Being insecure could be a potential negative but I think that being selfish is great. To be selfish is to have self-love and you should understand that if you do not love yourself that you are not capable of loving anyone else. If you do not better your situation, (again a sign of being selfish) you cannot give to others.
     
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  7. Baduser

    Baduser Fapstronaut

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    I like that Fortune 500 example and you are right. You feel comfortable with the things you are doing alot. So i have to practice what i dont know yet. I know what to do but i Find it hard to start with things cause i know they are going to be uncomfortable.

    Little history: i was bullied when i was 12 by people who became my best friends. One of them told me that he was bullied and that was why he bullied me. So Thats why i think people dont like me or laugh at me.

    Nice quote is you cant change the past but you can change how u think about the past. But its difficult to just forget even tho its 20 years ago.

    The part where u say about giving to others i dont see yet. I work out alot, eat healthy, take of myself, watch videos and read books. Cut down alot on gaming and talking about other people. But how does this reflect to others? Do you mean that when you do better for yourself, you are better towards other people and they notice that and are more Nice towards me?
     
    Larnellian likes this.
  8. Angus McGyver

    Angus McGyver Fapstronaut

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    It is essentially what it sounds like: Standing up for yourself, your beliefs and your loved ones, no matter the repercussions or social stigma it might render. Or you can also say, going against the current and mainstream narrative (in whatever area), even if that's not the popular and trendy thing to do.
    Being a conformist might give some advantages in the beginning but in the long run, it will have disastrous effects since you are lying to yourself (and others) and while trying to wipe your insecurities under the rug, people will notice it and you will eventually be revealed as a fraud which will make people respect you even less.
     
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  9. bestbacon

    bestbacon Fapstronaut

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    You are getting warmer. If you are selfish and therefore begin to live happier, then you will be able to give more to others. As an example, you probably wouldn't want to discuss a life problem with your closest friend if he was in a emotional fit such as anger/sadness. Similarly if you are financially tight and have little money to loan to your best friend you may be unable to. See what I mean? In all instances your psyche and conditions of your life are so pervasive that you have to be selfish in order for you to get anywhere in life.

    How your new habits are reflecting on others really shouldn't be a primary concern to you. You will always be looked at by many eyes and judged by many individuals. What you need to realize is they are judging your past actions and not you which in reality is just a consciousness occupying a physiological body. Once you take this into account, you can start to see what little value there holds for you to prioritize how people view you.
     
    Larnellian likes this.
  10. Baduser

    Baduser Fapstronaut

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    I dont get the example you gave 100% can you explain little more?

    I started watching a new guy on youtube that allready gave me new insights in only couple of videos.
    I owe nothing to other people, they dont know me. I can show them Im a good person by just being myself.

    Dont know if it is because its my 2nd day without medication or the NOFAP or the videos, im feeling great today.
    If this feeling only gets stronger I think i can conquer the world.

    Funny sidestory. Im looking for more work lately. Not getting results from my current job. Today an old friend of mine send me a text if I wanted to work with him in his restaurant.

    This feels like Karma is helping me because im doing a good thing lately. ^^
     

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