Being shy sucks

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by The human failure, May 13, 2016.

  1. The human failure

    The human failure Fapstronaut

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    Why is it considered cute and attractive for girls to be shy, but the moment that a guy is shy they are unlikable and doomed for loneliness? People tell me just to be more outgoing but that just makes me exhausted, and it feels like lying to everyone around me. It's enough to make me wish I was a girl honestly, just so that I could become more accepted. Just I don't know...
     
  2. Jake Amberson

    Jake Amberson Fapstronaut

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    Hey,

    First of all, cool name!

    It's hard to be confident and outgoing when you don't feel like it. I absolutely get that. Ultimately, I feel that people like someone who is willing/able to be themselves and not some fraud. You don't have to feel like you're on top of the world but start just by saying 'hello' and asking questions about the other person. Always a great way to get a conversation going. You may not be as shy as you think; maybe you're far more interesting than you realise! A boring person couldn't come up with such an awesome username!

    Also, it's okay to "just don't know." It's really important to acknowledge that you don't have all the answers and say, "Hey, that's really okay. I don't know all the answers but I'll get there."

    Regards,
    Jake
     
    healthyself likes this.
  3. InvisibleControl

    InvisibleControl Fapstronaut

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    Check this guys channel out.He has really good perspective on life issues -
     
  4. thisguy1

    thisguy1 Fapstronaut

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    Hey, it's okay if you're shy and a guy. This is what I do if I don't really feel like talking but there's nothing else to do in a 45 min period. My teachers usually put us in tables of four, so I just put my backpack down and talk to friends for a bit. If you don't have friends and/or your teacher tells you guys to sit, say hi or something. Ask if any of your classmates had something you didn't have. It's an easy way to start a conversation. Trust me, it's pretty easy to do this. If you're working on an assignment, ask for help or something. Just talk about relatable stuff.
    Best of luck, and post if you are successful!
     
  5. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

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    I disagree my friend. First of all, just because you're shy doesn't mean it sucks. Believe it or not, some girls like shy guys (you just have to show them you're interested). Take it from me; I've been a shy guy my whole life. I would say I'm still the same person, but with a little more confidence. This may sound weird, but start by talking to people who you wouldn't expect.

    Go to a nursery home and try to talk to the elderly. Most of them will barely hear anything you're saying, but it's good practice. They tend to have more patience. Or go to a church or a place of workshop and just start volunteering. I was sweeping the floor for weeks at my temple before this one female came up and decided to talk to me. And all I did was sweep the floor. See? It's things like that.

    Anyway, once you get the hang of doing something or being in a place that's familiar, that's where your social skills will improve. What really helped me was going to college, volunteering at my temple, and working. By the way, the library is full of quiet people. Even though you're shy, it doesn't mean you suck or the situation sucks. Like I said, some people actually prefer being around those that are shy rather than the loud, obnoxious ones. Also, there are just as many shy guys as there are shy girls, so who knows. You might find someone who is similar to you, but you have to like yourself for who you are.

    And another thing, try to slowly accept yourself as a person. It will take time (as it did for me) but find something that you admire about yourself and focus on it. Being shy is nothing more than a characteristic, it doesn't define who you are as a person. I'm sure there are many good things about you that overpowers your shyness. That's what people are attracted to. Again, take it from me, I've been there and done that. And if I can improve, I'm sure you can too.
     
    HipPete likes this.
  6. The human failure

    The human failure Fapstronaut

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    I wish a girl would come up and talk to me >.> That's never happened before.
     
  7. Kennen

    Kennen Fapstronaut

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    I am also shy. But, I agree that some girls like shy guys.

    Unfortunately, they will not tell you that they like you. They will show it, you just have to sense it.

    Some of my told me that I am numb.
     
  8. The human failure

    The human failure Fapstronaut

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    Girls don't really talk to me in the first place, much less show me anything :s
     
  9. Kennen

    Kennen Fapstronaut

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    I see...
    I've seen your other thread.
    I believe you're just depressed.

    To be noticed, you also need to learn how to smile.
     
  10. The human failure

    The human failure Fapstronaut

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    Yeah I am just depressed, it's terrible honestly.
     
  11. noviceambition

    noviceambition Fapstronaut

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    Get sleep, sun, and put away the computer you relapse on. Buy a cheap laptop/chromebook/netbook to use instead. Make a decision to stop pitying yourself, and do yourself a favor - quit pmo for a week and recognize its benefits.

    To be blunt, I can comfort you and give you advice, but if you don't take it to heart, then it's just words arranged in a single file line. The point is, it's a decision to be depressed, and a decision to be happy. It's mostly lifestyle and diet that is causing you to feel this way. There's a good quote I read about recently. If you choose to play the victim, then you will continue to be treated like one until you choose to change. I don't know how many posts you make in the Loneliness forums, but you can be very well sabotaging yourself by seeking the comforting words that people post. It will loop, and nothing will get done. I will admit, the first 2 days of no pmo is freaking hard, but if you get past it, it gets way easier. Trial and error until you improve your streaks.
     
    BlueDevil likes this.
  12. nonfap

    nonfap Fapstronaut

    It's tough when you are depressed, but just some thoughts, I hope they help...

    Try to arrange to go do something fun with a friend, like hiking something you guys would enjoy, preferably something outdoors. It could be something new you both have never done, but the goal is to have FUN.

    Tell your friend to invite another friend or anyone if they want. Sometimes it's easier to connect with people in a small group.

    Don't just do this once but try to make it a habit and ask your friend to invite some girls along or invite some yourself.

    Ultimately, as far as girls go, there some truth in the song title "girls just want to have fun"
     
    rave756 likes this.
  13. rcreal

    rcreal Fapstronaut

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    OP. I am also shy. I'm a poor conversationalist. I've ruined dates because I couldnt smile, I was too shy to kiss or flirt (even when the girl complimented me and it was fair game), I acted numb and wasn't interesting to be around. Sure there is the odd girl that will be ok with this, but I've recognized I need to change this or I will have fewer options and my likelyhood of getting a girlfriend (or friends in general) will almost be impossible. I am working on that change, I think no PMO is an important part of it. It is hard to change what we are used to, it's not a simple flick of the switch to be more social. You have to formulate how you will change it by trying out a variety of different life activities where you can meet people etc and don't be upset if it doesnt happen immediately. Over the last year I've changed substantially though I am not where I need to be yet and still suffer from low confidence. I went on my first dates ever this year, was upset when I lost girls due to this stuff. You will hit very hard times like this but be persistent, don't get depressed, keep trying and you will get where you would like to be.
     
  14. @Lord of Cinders Gwyn

    Hello Mate,

    I hope that you are fine.

    To your question:

    1. Why is it considered cute and attractive for girls to be shy?

    A. Well, because they look cute/funny when they don't know what to do.

    B. I think that there is a term in English "DAMSEL IN DISTRESS"

    2. But the moment that a guy is shy they are unlikable and doomed for loneliness?

    A. That feels like you are sorry that you are guy and that is the place where you are MISSING OUT.

    B. You are shrinking instead of using the opportunity to grow.

    C. I mean, EVERYONE WAS BORN TO SHINE, to excel.

    D. A lot of girls are self-conscious about plenty of things (their body image, weight, self-confidence)

    E. I have noticed that if you do it anyway, you are being appreciated (well, it makes sense to be appreciated for qualities like courage, boldness, and interest in her)

    F. And the final point is that, after you approach 2-3 girls, it no longer matters. You will get into flow and you will be able to approach everyone.

    If you have innocent smile on your face, you can actually be considered cute and attractive + self-confident yourself.

    I believe it is worth the shot, don't you think? :)

    Don't be sorry about being a man. Be proud instead.

    Good Luck!

    P.S. Sometimes it happens that It will go south. It happens to everyone.

    I mean, maybe her dog died, her life is not ok, or simply she is not in the mood. Don't worry. Those girls are exception rather than a rule.
     
  15. The human failure

    The human failure Fapstronaut

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    I mean I hate every part of myself, from my mind to my body to my gender. It's all completely broken beyond repair. Honestly it's not even the girls themselves that bother me, its just that every rejection is like a weight strapped to my back.
     
  16. @Lord of Cinders Gwyn

    1. I mean I hate every part of myself, from my mind to my body to my gender.

    Why?

    2. It's all completely broken beyond repair.

    Why?

    3. Honestly it's not even the girls themselves that bother me, its just that every rejection is like a weight strapped to my back.


    Look everyone has a past, me, you, everyone.

    Now, speaking from experience of a person who used to be bullied, mobbed, considered black sheep and kicked out from home in my teens and was thinking about suicide at one stage, I learned one thing.

    It does not need to be that way.

    And nobody is beyond repair! Nobody!

    Write down what you want from life. Make a plan!

    Move forward, one step a day.

    Stop watching porn and being miserable. You are better than that.

    A. Watch Jim Rohn and Les Brown for Motivation.

    B. Watch Father Mike Schmitz to get your spirituality back.

    C. Start to care for others. Go to charity and start to make a difference. Start to help people.

    D. Start to put your body together. Work on yourself.

    E. Do not be ashamed for helping others but do not brag about it. If there is question, give a honest answer.

    I was in terrible, terrible bar last week.

    There was a discussion about how you should spend money on beggars.

    I would not expect this kind of topic to popup here.

    I said that I usually give them meal vouchers, I get from my company because they cannot buy cigarettes and alcohol with them and that there is the highest chance to use it for food.

    And the people there started to look at me with completely different eyes.

    Let's say that you are really beyong saving. Are you sure that you cannot help 1 fellow person in need?

    That you cannot make the world a little bit better?

    I will pray for you tonight.
     
  17. ChristoX8

    ChristoX8 Fapstronaut

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    If I was you, Lord of Cinders Gwyn, I'd find what caused your shyness in the first place and do whatever it takes, to conjure the curse. It's working for me, I'm attending a therapy atm focused on my past and it's doing me tremendous good. I'm more and more social and I believe it would work for you, you just gotta find the real face of your personal enemy.

    Good success!
     
  18. HermestheGreat

    HermestheGreat Fapstronaut

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    Nothing is broken beyond repair, even if it feels like it. All this negative self talk is getting you nowhere!
     
  19. StewartSays

    StewartSays Fapstronaut

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    I got over my shyness by basically saying to myself, why am I allowing other people's perception of me alter my personality and life. I am the main character in this world of mine and the rest are just extras/minor roles. Have some confidence. You are your own life.
     
    BlueDevil likes this.
  20. Cockyau

    Cockyau Fapstronaut

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    Some girls are shy, so approach and talk to them, for science, testing the results when shyness met :D

    I was shy and over-introvert too, I was the kind of guy who will fold his arms, head's down, afraid of making any eye contact with strangers or people I don't know much. What I did to change? I just concentrate on my studies and score well in academics, and it trigger changes in many aspects and area in my life later on. I even joined public speaking and actively took part in presentations, It's great to make audience laugh and I'm enjoy of doing it. But those are old times....now I spend most of my time in my room for the final year of my studies. Good luck and dare to take the 1st step, it's difficult to initiate but once you started, the ball will keep rolling. ;)
     

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