Best Friends?

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Deleted Account, Mar 18, 2018.

Should Your SO Become Your BF?

  1. Yes

    23 vote(s)
    85.2%
  2. No

    2 vote(s)
    7.4%
  3. Not Sure

    2 vote(s)
    7.4%
  1. Jennica

    Jennica Fapstronaut

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    It is the personal commitment to myself along the lines Of the old saying “fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.”
    He and I both know and are very clear on the fact that I would take the leap of faith in trusting him again but it did come with him making the commitment to being 100% honest and transparent.
    I think the difference for us is I didn’t put boundaries on him, I am committed and trust myself with my personal nonnegotiable boundaries on what I won’t deal with anymore.
    If he cheated again, I’m gone!
    If he relapsed/continued porn and lied/hide it from me, I’m gone.
    I’m not perfect, sometimes I still have moments when I question the honesty from him, that comes with understanding the betrayal and he knows he is still earning it back. I have let go of the suspicious negative angry feelings and thoughts but I also don’t have the “blind faith” that I once had.
    I hope this makes sense.

    Edited to add something, I had not only lost trust in him but myself too. I didn’t trust my instincts, didn’t trust myself with trusting him so to speak. I was afraid I would continue to let him hurt me. I believe that a part of me being ready to take that leap of faith was when I felt comfortable/confident that I could trust myself again, my own judgement.
     
    Last edited: Mar 21, 2018
  2. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    omg, THAT IS an interesting way of thinking about it... very good point.

    This is so us/me.
     
    Jennica likes this.
  3. Queen_Of_Hearts_13

    Queen_Of_Hearts_13 Fapstronaut

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  4. Jennica

    Jennica Fapstronaut

    616
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  5. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

  6. 5E320707-313C-472B-9A6A-76E46FDC5B27.png I don’t agree with a lot of what Nietzsche says but agree 100% with the above quote. When he says love I think he’s talking about romantic love, which while important isn’t as important as friendship.
     
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  7. Gooding

    Gooding Fapstronaut

    Let me ask this, educate me...

    One couple are so much in love. But are not friends. Being in love here means passionate, intimate and committed. They are not best friends. They have other people as friends.

    Another couple are good friends. They could be casual, open and honest. But they are not in complete love. Either one or more of {passion, intimacy, commitment} is lost or missing. But being friends they still are around, and being friends they don't press hard I reach each about it.

    Which one is a functional marriage?
     
  8. I don’t know how you could love someone and not be their friend, but I’ll just respond by saying there is a difference between a functional marriage and an ideal marriage. Both scenarios can allow for a functional marriage but are both ideal? No. An ideal marriage would be two people who love each other and are each other’s best friend.
     
  9. Gooding

    Gooding Fapstronaut

    May be when passion dies off and intimacy + commitment stays at its best it is possible to be lovers & friends...
     

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