It is the personal commitment to myself along the lines Of the old saying “fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.” He and I both know and are very clear on the fact that I would take the leap of faith in trusting him again but it did come with him making the commitment to being 100% honest and transparent. I think the difference for us is I didn’t put boundaries on him, I am committed and trust myself with my personal nonnegotiable boundaries on what I won’t deal with anymore. If he cheated again, I’m gone! If he relapsed/continued porn and lied/hide it from me, I’m gone. I’m not perfect, sometimes I still have moments when I question the honesty from him, that comes with understanding the betrayal and he knows he is still earning it back. I have let go of the suspicious negative angry feelings and thoughts but I also don’t have the “blind faith” that I once had. I hope this makes sense. Edited to add something, I had not only lost trust in him but myself too. I didn’t trust my instincts, didn’t trust myself with trusting him so to speak. I was afraid I would continue to let him hurt me. I believe that a part of me being ready to take that leap of faith was when I felt comfortable/confident that I could trust myself again, my own judgement.