Separate names with a comma.
Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Tankus, Dec 29, 2018.
Ok touché on the buying a girl a drink in a club..I concede that one amigo.
Ok, why has this topic come stayed playing around in my mind?
Watch some 80s movies..I did the other week..girls like to be treated like..girls..pampered..not belittled.
I also thought of this..how do you even split the bill? So the waiter comes over, hands the bill, then you have to say..”can you take that back and split it..or he is both of our cards we are splitting it” ..that’s so awkward..makes you look cheap and juvenile,
Even when I go out with friends usually one of us will pay. Splitting a bill makes you look cheap.
Ok everyone seems to have said what I have thought before or since..you have great advice on here by what seems like some smart people.
Again, for some reason this has played in the background while I was out and about observing the world these past few days, ha.
When I first started dating my girlfriend. I paid everytime we went out to eat. Then after a while she started paying. Now we take it in turns. One time I will pay and another time she will pay. It works out great that way.
If you go on a first date with a girl. Pay! She will notice it. It shows that you’re generous. She will appreciate that.
On a side note, if she doesn’t at least offer to pay. Then it says a little bit about her, it says that she thinks you have to pay for her time. Perhaps if that happens, let it slide, but if you continuously go on dates with her and she never even offers to pay or contributes no money to dates or whatever, that girls gotta go.
It used to be that men went to work, men earned the money. Whilst the woman took care of the house and children (I know that’s a job in of itself and it’s hard work, I’m not insulting women) but nowadays women get equal pay, yet they share the housework and looking after the kids with the man... yet they still want the man to pay for everything lol.
Exactly. Why couldn’t I have said it like that. I need to up my ginkgo.
We now have the fortune of living in a world where both men and women can have a career and contribute around the house, which is great. Having said that, this new paradigm makes some laws and social norms outdated or even unfair. One outdated social norm is men being responsible for paying for dates, one outdated law is alimony.
So in the last 20 years our species has evolved so much that social customs that have been around for centuries are now not needed.
Systems that have made civilization flourish.
Times when we actually were happier are now seen as old fashioned.
Every new generation thinks they know better.
We can’t change our evolutionary ways even in a few generations.
(What the heck am I talking about in this post?)
Social Justice is ruining happiness and society
Ok I said it
Let the slanders comments my way begin
Bahhahaha ( that’s my dr evil laugh)
Caesar is right!
Never split the bill. Never ever ever. If she isn’t worth the price of a date don’t bother bro
Yes, outdated. I can think of no more appropriate term to describe men being expected to pay for dates than "outdated". The reason people believe men ought to pay for dates is because men were typically perceived as the only people capable of earning a living. In a world where only men work outside the home, it makes sense that men ought to pay for dates (since women simply lacked the finances to do so). However, we no longer live in a world where men are the only people who work outside the home. That's in the past now (no matter how recent or for how long that past was sustained). Both men and women are equally capable of pursuing (and are encouraged to pursue) careers so that they can earn a living and sustain themselves as individuals. That's a good thing. It gives all of us more autonomy.
Just to be clear: I'm not saying that men ought not to pay for dates. If you want to pay for a date, I encourage you to do so. It's a generous thing to do and it's something that I've done myself before. However, I just don't think you have a responsibility to do it all the time, considering that most women work and earn a living these days.
Yes, they're not needed anymore. I just gotta say, that's a pretty ridiculous argument, and I don't find it very convincing at all. Here's why:
Not that long ago (only a few centuries, which isn't that long in the grand scheme of things), we discovered that some diseases are caused by microscopic organisms in your body. It's a relatively recent discovery. It revolutionized the way we practice medicine and dramatically increased every individual's chance of survival. However, before we discovered that, we believed in less accurate explanations for disease (like demons, curses, etc.). We believed in those things for centuries. The fact that those beliefs were around for centuries didn't mean jack shit once we discovered something that worked better.
Just because something has been believed for a long time doesn't mean that it's true or that it's more valuable than a newer idea that hasn't been around for very long. I'm kind of surprised I have to explain that...
I wont deny that civilization was flourishing for a long time. Our old social structures and belief systems worked, but we've found something even better now. It's evolving, and it's constantly changing. I'm not claiming that the old times were awful or that contemporary times are immune from criticism. My claim is just that there are many aspects in which we are better off than we were in the past, and that we ought to remain open to more change.
Back to my example with the explanation for disease... We survived (and even flourished) as a species for a long time before we discovered the real cause for disease. It's just that now we're even better at surviving than we were before.
How are you even measuring how happy everyone is? It's not exactly well-defined. I'm not buying the claim that "we were happier in the old days". I'm just too skeptical to accept that premise. I think you're romanticizing certain aspects of the past and ignoring the drawbacks and costs that came along with older ways of life.
Evolution is change, dude. We can change. Indeed, if Darwin taught us anything at all, it was that we must change in order to survive. His thesis was that the species most likely to survive over time were the ones who were most capable of adapting to change.
I'm not even talking about social justice or anything, dude. I'm just saying that men shouldn't be expected to pay for dates.
First, I appreciate your long reply..we put a lot of thought and time into that, and regardless of disagreements..I respect that.
Second, there have been lots of studies by modern psychology that show as a civilization we are less happy now..happiness in our modern era peaked in the 50’s.
We can go over why if you want but even lots of prominent historians agree.
Just because something sounds right, doesn’t mean it is right.
Take today with your example of disease.
Yes we can cure more diseases..but we are so ignorant that we purposefully create more diseases through our hedonistic lifestyle choices( diet, drugs, lifestyle)
What really saved us was sanitation..most modern drugs cause more harm then good over the long term.
Ok, I won’t go on and on..but you can even read literature and see how people did live happier lives in the past..stronger connections...were smarter..and could accept WHY they suffered.
HailCesar my my, i do like your thinking a lot. Appreciate you appreciated my point of view (which i didn't get into too deeply as the comment was long as it is).
But i thoroughly enjoyed seeing a male mature enough and good hearted enough to recognise that some traditions, just work.
I was hoping to find out, how old are you and what's your ethnicity (if it's not too much to reveal). I'm just rather curious.
But you do sound like a lovely man which a lot of.women would be lucky to date, as you CLEARLY understandthat women DO really deep down, want to be treated like ladies. With respect and appreciation.
Women don't like to date someone stingy. splitting the bill from the word go = cheap, stingy and calculating. Not wolcoming and definitely not romance inducing. Men being generous like that shows a generous heart and that's what lures and openes up many (good) women's heart!!!
I am wondering if your age perhaps has something to do with your wisdom and understanding here. Just curious.
Good on you for sticking to ur guns, i so wish there where plenty more men like you in the dating scene!!!
From a female that appreciates a man who takes charge and knows how and when to be asserive!!!
I mean you no disrespect, either. If we can't respectfully disagree, we can't make any progress.
Before even looking at such studies, I'll just say that I'm skeptical that the definition of happiness laid out by a psychological study truly captures what happiness actually is... Having said that, I admit I'm curious. Would you kindly point me towards one of these studies? I want to know how these psychologists are defining happiness, how they are testing for it and, most importantly, how they are able to compare the happiness of people today to that of people who lived almost a century ago. To put it frankly, the whole thing sounds like a bunch of pseudo-science to me. It would be interesting to convince me otherwise, though.
Yes, and now that we know that disease is often caused by harmful bacteria, viruses, and parasites, we now also understand that the reason you sanitize things is to kill harmful microorganisms...
Also, I'm really skeptical of your claim that most modern drugs cause more harm than good over the long term. How long is long term? The drugs we use to treat disease these days have only been around for a small fraction of human history. In one sense, there are no long term effects of modern drugs because they're too... well, modern!
What does that actually mean? Why do you believe that a man paying for a date is "treating her like a lady"? I just sincerely don't understand where that belief comes from.
Men pay the lay bill
Ok you called me out..very good..as far as specific studies..I have read over a dozen books on this..but now my research is on other topics so off hand I can’t give you specifics..and like Seneca says, focus on what works and not on the bio of the person who invented the idea.
Point is, unless you want to pay me for my time, you check into it if you really are curious..if not..then don’t.
As far as drugs are concerned, being in the medical field, there is countless volumes of research to back my claims..this isn’t secret knowledge and medicine has been around in its modern form for over a century now.
I love a good dialogue so no ll will and we are in this fight together.
So if a man doesn't want to pay the entire bill he's stingy and calculating, but if a woman doesn't want to pay half the bill she's not being treated fairly?
Do you also believe that you deserve equal rights and pay as men do in the workforce? How about fairness in the justice system when it comes to divorce and custody of children?
Equality equality equality.... oh by the way you have to pay the bill if you want to treat a lady right or you're unromantic and clueless about how to please a woman.
Take that nonsense back to the 60s.
Ugh, why did I have to log on right before bed?
Women and men ARE diff..but that doesn’t mean they can’t have the same opportunity.
Life is full of nuisances, subtlies and contradictions..deal with it.
This anger you have..you have to let go. You sound like a soy boy. You won’t get “laid” to put it bluntly with this way of thinking
I’m being harsh because I care..your post..that’s toxic thinking bro..it’s like male version of feminism.
Social Justice reversed( ok maybe not..it’s late like said..sleepy hahahahaha)
Stay strong bro..relax don’t think so much about this. Treat a girl like she is a person not an enemy.
Why do you think everyone that disagrees with your viewpoint is angry and toxic?
You can continue to believe your soy boy philosophy all you want.
Don't feel that you have to defend yourself to me.
I wasn't attacking you.
So take your own advice and relax.
I've been in enough arguments over the internet to know how this stuff goes. I didn't expect you to actually point me towards any studies you've read. To that end, your analysis that I was "calling you out" is accurate. Asking me to pay you just to give me the name of an article you read, though? I gotta admit I've never seen that before. You are quite the character, sir.
I mean you no ill will, either, man. With all due respect, I find your arguments extremely unconvincing. You have not convinced me of anything since we began this discussion, really.
It seems like the driving force that's motivating you in this whole discussion is some vague disdain for social justice and contemporary feminism that you seem ashamed of (or at least a little afraid to state your views in an uncensored fashion), but none of us are even talking about those two subjects at all, so I gotta admit that I'm a little confused. As I said, I mean you no ill will either, and I respect you for actually participating in this important discussion, but I repeat that I'm not really convinced by your arguments at all, and I think it's pretty obvious why that is...
@Tankus is it a non starter for you if she can't pay for whatever reason? Just curious. I think your philosophy will yield you exactly what you seek which makes it a good one for you. I can definately dig both sides of this thread but I dont agree one side must prevail and it's the only right way to conduct a relationship. Maybe your thing is you split the tab and that filters out the women you want filtered out. The women have free will, and will self select if they dont like that approach. Seem perfectly fine with me. I'm sure some people say a blessing before they eat on a first date. Women turned off by that will probably not be the ones those guys want long term anyways. Rep your colors and you'll get the set you want.
I always pay the bill, since first dates should rarely cost more than $20. That's not even worth mentioning about, just pay it... if you can't whip that out, you can't afford a FWB, let alone a girlfriend.