Best thing to do to substitute for P&M?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by frogs' union, Oct 6, 2019.

  1. frogs' union

    frogs' union Fapstronaut

    Before posting this thread, I've read quite a bit of advice & materials from some nofap sources, but haven't been able to come to a concrete final solution. As per my analysis, P&M is tempting &/or hard to get rid of because they're
    A: highly available. Internet is everywhere, and pron is all over the web.
    B: easy to do. Having a dick (or a clit)? Check. Hands not disabled? Check => OK to go.
    C: rewarding. No matter how you regret or feel disgusted afterward, the fact is that during the act & at the climax, it feels good.
    D: addictive. Pretty obvious.

    My goal is to find 1 or a few activities that have those A, B & C traits above, but not D, so they can replace P&M. Because IMO supplanting something is much easier than suddenly stop it, as it will leave such a hole that you need to fill anyway. The idea is, whenever an urge flares up, I'll drive myself toward those substitutes instead of auto-drive to P&M.

    Those suggestions I read are nice, but they don't fulfill all the criteria. Let me get some examples:
    - Push ups: got A&B but not C. Doesn't feel quite good after a set. Moreover, I usually warm up a bit before going down in my daily push ups. Now if the urge comes and I get to the floor right away, big chances are I won't be able to get to my usual number. That's... opposite of rewarding.
    - Cold shower: highly available, somewhat easy to do but of course, cold af. Definitely not rewarding.

    In addition to those criteria, I also want the target activity to have flexible duration. That is, I can stay in that act for as long as I want, which is also the extent of the urge. Therefore, if this craving is long, I can enjoy the substitution ad infinitum; while if the impulse is short-lived, I can cut out from the activity right away & resume whatever I was doing. Let's call this quality E. So looking it this way, push ups fail again because I may be exhausted before the urge goes.

    Let me look at some more acts:
    - Play games: good A&B, often C&E, but also potential of D.
    - Go out & socialize: often B&C, but questionable A&E. You can't socialize in the middle of the night. Your circle or your group may not be right there all the times. You can't control the socializing stuffs to last as long as you want to.
    - Look at the night sky & contemplate things: I'm interested in astronomy, hence this option. It's not addictive while rewarding as hell and trumps P&M every single time, but highly unavailable (it's dark only 12 hours or less a day, it's usually cloudy, it can rain, ...). Good E, bad B (light pollution is hard to deal with...).
    - Watch a funny & high quality YT channel: has A,B,C,E. Fairly low chance of D. The biggest downsides of this action I can think of are: 1. that channel can run out of videos, and 2. I keep sitting in place, using the device and thus there's a small risk of switching to P&M after just a click. IMO this depends on how funny the videos are. If they're really high quality then P&M won't stand a chance. For problem #1, it's real but maybe I can find more than 1 good channel?

    As you can see, that last option is the best I can find for now. Of course, there are thousands of other activities that I haven't paid my thoughts to, that's why I'm relying on you guys' other ideas. Collective knowledge is always better than a single opinion. So, what do you think of my analysis above and what are your suggestions of other, even better activities to replace P&M?
    Last edited: Oct 6, 2019
    Addo likes this.
  2. Quoowahb

    Quoowahb Fapstronaut

    Cold shower and exercise are both rewarding (but maybe not immediately gratifying). I feel warmer and better after a cold shower, though it doesn't feel good while I am under it. I enjoy the feeling my body has after a workout. Really, you need to redefine what rewarding means.
  3. adidas

    adidas Fapstronaut

    First off your analysis is spot on, I think.

    If you like to draw, write, or play music, these are all options I've had success with over the years.

    Drawing and creative writing are especially good because you can do them in spare moments without disturbing others. Also: use actual paper and pen / pencil / whatever. Staring at a screen is not going to calm your mind or teach your brain to look beyond the internet for distraction or pleasure.

    I keep a small sketchbook or journal with me, and something to write or draw with, basically at all times. Has helped me keep several of my longer streaks going.
    Homelander likes this.
  4. blotter

    blotter Fapstronaut

    This is a flawed view in my opinion. A poster above mentioned redefining what rewarding is to you.

    There is no separation between the act and the hangover. They are two sides of the same coin. I think you might be served by contemplating how this "pleasure" is, in fact, suffering.
  5. Quoowahb

    Quoowahb Fapstronaut

    If you are a person of faith, prayer is A, B, and C.
  6. C12345

    C12345 Fapstronaut

    Start taking pride in your job. Start or keep working out. Cold showers. Believe it or not video games, especially RPGs (Skyrim, Fallout, Witcher) leveling up your character and becoming a badass is rewarding. Spending hours leveling up builds patience in my opinion. No instant gratification when you spend 40+ hours leveling up in Borderlands.
  7. mcp8419

    mcp8419 Fapstronaut

    Interesting and thoughtful analysis. I can relate to the desire of replacing PMO with something else more healthy and engaging. My problem is that I have no purpose, which is why I am 34 years old and have spent the last decade drifting and indulging in PMO pretty much at least once or twice a week. I find it difficult to nail down what I want to do in life as I am also socially anxious and find it difficult to interact with people. My life is okay, could be worse. Maybe I prefer to be left alone and avoid face to face interaction. I have a job that pays the bills. Truth is, I don't know if I WANT to do anything in particular. I'm living a mediocre life in my view because I can't think of doing anything better. I would like to meet a girl, but glad I don't have the stress of being in a relationship. As another user commented, it's about defining what you want your reward to be. I think this reward has to come from patience and consistency over a long period time, which is a challenge in this day and age. I used to be creative, studied art and played the guitar. I notice that while doing these things I'm in the 'zone', losing track of time, similar to PMO but doesn't take a strain psychologically or physically as short lived PMO does as I'm learning and growing in some way it if I draw or play new things. Those activities feel great to do in the process of learning and working on developing something. So I think this secret formula to success or reward is purely subjective. Maybe the more natural things in life is the answer as a starting point rather than a particular activity, as you say, looking at the sky, just appreciating everyday natural things to give your brain a rest from stimulus from technology etc.
    Cold showers / push ups may just be mainly good for discipline if you choose to do this. Other activities? Not sure. Pick something and don't waste any more time like I have. Get on with it to the point you are utterly exhausted and distracted then surely the the urge to PMO will be less and less frequent.
  8. mattyjsy

    mattyjsy Fapstronaut

    Be around people
  9. It's TIME to STOPPP

    It's TIME to STOPPP Fapstronaut

    You should appreciate you have this free time. Read, you will feel rewarding after doing so, but sadly I'm too busy :(
  10. Muse1984

    Muse1984 New Fapstronaut

    I have been reading 12 rules for life by Jordan really helps with purpose.
  11. mcp8419

    mcp8419 Fapstronaut

    Yeah I have seen his videos on his YouTube channel on and off for the last year, there's a short video on quitting porn and explains its not about quitting an addiction, it's about finding something better than porn. Honestly speaking I don't find much else very pleasurable other than food. But yeah he talks a lot about purpose and it's my goal to find something worth doing that's healthy and productive with my time.
    Free-man likes this.
  12. Wannabesaint2

    Wannabesaint2 Fapstronaut

    Lift weights do exercise take it serious go for jogs and swims keep yourself busy an focus on building your dream body and just think every time you wanna relapse if I let my sperms out all my protein and testosterone is gone can't afford that now need to build my body

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