beyond desperate

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by Dispo, Nov 25, 2019.

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  1. Dispo

    Dispo New Fapstronaut

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    It's been almost 2 years, since I came across nofap and barely anything in my life has changed, so I'm gettin kinda desperate these days. I had two 90+ days streaks as you say at the beginning of each year. Did the first one first try. Expected superpower. Didn't get them. Relapsed.
    A lota problems, that others describe, I didn't have. No PIED, no brainfog, no motivational problems. The main thing, that got me into NoFap, was my girlfriend, because she was sensing, that my attention towards her seemed to be shifting to something else.

    And she was right. The first 2 years of the relationship, we were very sexually active, including acting out a lot of my weird fetishes and since with porn abstinence nothing seemed to change about them, I guess, they're part of me. This includes sexual activities with men, while I'm a "girl". I told my GF, that I'd need that, but she would not allow it. That's when I turned away from her and engaged in certain activities online and offline. Then she turned away from me more and more and was claiming that most of what I want (sexually), seems to be porn fueled.

    So this was around 2 years ago and I'm kinda running out of ideas. Just quitting porn doesn't seem to do much. I might need to look into depth what makes me do all these things. Discover the "mechanism". Not sure, whether this would help, right now I feel doomed. I feel a strong need to engage in any sexual online contacts to get some attention.


    I'm seeing a psychotherapist, but I'm not sure, whether this is of great help either. He was recommended by a lot of others and seems to be the best I can get right now. However I've been through several therapies since I was 21 (I'm 32 now) for various reasons and not sure, whether any of them was of a great help.

    The last couple of months my streaks lasted about 2-3 weeks. I told my gf about every other relapse. Her reaction doesn't encourage me to continue doing so, sometimes. There's a lot of secrecy going on. Forcing myself to keep a straight face after I relapsed etc ...

    Not sure, what this is about. Maybe I would just like to talk to someone. Maybe someone with similar problems.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 25, 2019
    selfimprovement8008 likes this.
  2. selfimprovement8008

    selfimprovement8008 Fapstronaut

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    Okay man I would just say that to not tell her of relapse from now on because I have been through a similar situation and the best thingh is to of course not relapse and get used to living life like this its so hard I know but man its worth it please keep going learn to embrace pain and push through it to get stronger in the process and let time go in a way in terms of recovery and make use of time to get stronger and again living life of nofap best of luck bro
     
  3. 5adn8m8

    5adn8m8 Fapstronaut

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    I am not sure about this but after reading your thread I think I know what the problem is!
    You don't have enough perseverance. Don't get me wrong! I know you've had 2 or 30 ninety day streaks but you should keep trying to find out what causes your issue. This involves seeing your therapist regularly and tracking your healing process. Take your time and don't push anything. Sometimes it takes up to 6 months for some people to rewire their brain and be completely free of their addiction.
     
  4. Hold it in

    Hold it in Fapstronaut

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    I don't know about any super powers guys say they get. I don't really believe them. Honestly, it's a little hard for me to believe anybody can go 30 or more days without Masturbation. Or having an Orgasm

    Either their will power is off the charts or they have no libido. I can't really go more than 3 days without blowing a wad, before it drives me crazy. I did train myself this last time around to hold it in for a week but now after this latest relapse 3 days and I'm being driven bonkers by my balls once again.

    Only thing I can remember on my week long routine was slightly more confidence, but nothing too noteworthy, trying to sleep is a nightmare though horny

    At this point going 30, 60 or 90 days of no Masturbation for me is just so far out there and out of the question it's not even funny.

    Just my experience
     
  5. Dispo

    Dispo New Fapstronaut

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    @selfimprovement8008:
    thanks. But since me and my gf started this together, I try to keep her updated at least once in a while. Never telling her ever again, would automatically make her assume I'd be lying. Telling her about every single relapse on the other hand, might also just frustate her a lot and not do us any good.


    @5adn8m8:
    Yeah, I thought about this. Hanging in there for longer, might help, or maybe not. Finding out about the actual problem is certainly a big thing. Porn is just a symptom. What I have to find out, is what fuels my paraphilia/perverions/fetishes, call it what you want. I've been reading a lot on perversions recently and ordered a few more books. They appear to be kind of insightful. It seems like I'm reapeating a childhood trauma in my perverted behaviour and turn it into something "good" by orgasm.

    The book is called "Perversion. The erotic Form of Hatred " by Robert J. Stoller, if anyone is interested.


    @Hold it in:

    Everyone reacts different. I've been pretty much masturbating almost every day since I was around 7. Then it was surprisingly easy to stop for a certain time. Yet, this didn't solve my problem.
     
  6. Souvent08

    Souvent08 Fapstronaut

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    What about transmutating your sexual energy into nonsexual things. Go for a challenging hike, use the time and energy you put into sexual stuff and put it into something else.
     

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