binge and guilt ! how can i control myself please help if you can.

[Logan(y-men)]

hi guys ,
i relapsed after 17 days and i binged in this relapse till my shoulder hurts and as usual i feel that i wanna relapse today because every time i relapse, i find my self want to relapse more but i resist this feeling . and i have mood swing sometimes i accept what i did and other times i can't accept myself ,
my question is
why do i always binge in relapse and i may still relapse for 3 or 6 days ?(it depends on how long the streak was) for example the previous streak was 60 day ,so i binged in relapse for about 5 days

now i'm resisting the desire for PMO but i'm afraid that i may lose control as usual , i binged as much as i can yesterday to don't relapse again today (this also as usual ), so i'm afraid to lose control as usual,

note :i began the real nofap 4 years ago and i learned a lot about myself especially in the last 2 years but this time i started to don't trust myself because in this time before searching for sexy girls in YouTube i felt if i continue looking for this staff, i'll relapse but i ignored these warnings and continue ,so i ended up with full relapse ,so how can i control my self ?
and do you think fasting is a good way to make reboot faster ?

note : the covid-19 crisis is in my side unlike a lot of others because i always like to stay ho,e and do tings i like and every long streak has at least 15 or 20 days staying home,so because i like to stay home rather go to the college although i'm studying in home but i like staying home

sorry for my poor English and thanks in advance because i may not be able to replay soon.

 

[AtomicTango]

Getting to a long streak is, in my opinion, a combination of willpower and using practical methods so you arent in a position where you are even thinking about relapsing. In my experience, I tend to want to relapse in the evening, but never in the morning, despite me using my laptop (a device that could obviously access porn) during both those times. This was when I realised the urges arent sexual, they are addictive in nature, I had conditioned myself to want to relapse at those times so my body thought it "needed" to.

The long and short of this is to stop putting yourself in situations where you are making the issue worse. Find something else to do instead where you arent even thinking about relapse. I like to play a mindless videogame while blasting music, its not productive but it works.